


Soul

by vixxtimized



Category: VIXX
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mystery??sort of, Plot Twists, Police, Romance, Sad, Self-Harm, Three OCs - Freeform, Tragedy, Trapped, lots and lots of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-18 12:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 68,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14213343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vixxtimized/pseuds/vixxtimized
Summary: "You're my soul, didn't you know?"(or- Leo feels like he's hanging on the edge of a cliff, barely holding on. His little sister is the only reason he stays. It's only when Ken enters his life that he may find another reason.)





	1. Stuck in the Same Routine

  
_Tick..._

_Tick..._

_Tick..._

Leo lay on his bed, sweat soaking through his thin t-shirt. He was sweating, but he felt as cold as ice. He shivered, a harsh shudder that rippled through his frail body. He felt like he was going to die; no, he wanted to die.

He sat up slowly. His drooping eyes caught sight of the clock that was ticking away mercilessly. It reminded him of why he was still alive, and that he couldn't leave any time soon.

Leo slid his feet into a pair of shoes, and trudged to his old wardrobe. He ripped off his sweaty t-shirt, and slid on a long sleeved sweater. Leo's eyes flickered to the keys sitting on his desk.

He could go there...

Yes, it would get his mind off of everything that was weighing him down.

Leo didn't bother putting on a coat, he figured he couldn't feel any colder. He made sure he had a couple bucks stuffed in his pocket, or there'd be no point in going.

He peered into a small, pink colored room on his way out. A small figure lay curled up on the bed.

A ghost of a smile graced Leo's features.

He wrote a small note and stuck it on the inside of the door, before closing and locking it from the outside.

He continued down the dark hallway, and out into the cold winter air.

 

。。。

 

The neon lights of the club bounced off the black walls, creating an array of rainbow color on the people inside.

Leo slid silently onto a cold, metal bar stool. He threw a ten on the counter, and the bartender poured him a couple shots. He nodded in thanks towards the man, and downed his first.

The pungent liquid trickled down his throat, over and over again, with each one burning more than the one before.

Five shots in, Leo grimaced inwardly as he felt the world around him begin to spin, and his head seemed heavier with every passing second.

Leo couldn't really hold his alcohol; he was the lightweight of lightweights.

He only went to these bars to drink because he couldn't bear to do it back at "home". Bad memories would always flood his consciousness, and then he'd feel even worse than when he started. That was almost always the case when someone got drunk, but it was different for Leo.

If he drank at "home", he would remember everything he was trying to forget. The bars were an escape for him, because the feelings of regret, self-loathing, and guilt would just melt away, and it was as if he was on Cloud 9 for a mere couple hours in his horrid lifestyle.

Leo was too drunk now to even care what he was doing.

He nearly tumbled off the barstool, but managed to keep his balance, and only wobbled slightly on his feet. He staggered onto the dance floor, all thoughts that told him to stop, to not make contact with others, were forgotten in an instant.

Leo wrapped his arms around the waist of some random girl, not even caring anymore. He bounced around the room to random people, dancing with them. At one point, a particularly drunk boy came up to Leo and put his hands on his chest.

"Hey, babe, wanna dance?" He slurred. Leo nodded, his clouded mind barely registering anything now.

The boy cozied up to Leo, keeping their sweating bodies pressed together. His lithe fingers trailed up and down Leo's torso, before slipping his hands underneath his shirt.

The boy kept dancing with Leo, he wouldn't let him go. He began to grind his hips against Leo's; Leo took no notice of the fact that this was just some random stranger that was touching him.

His mind could only sense the pleasure his body was feeling. Leo let out a low moan as the drunk boy kept going. The boy stopped all of the sudden, and grabbed Leo's wrist. Leo didn't notice the pain coursing through his arm.

He was dragged to a private room, and slammed up against the wall harshly. Leo let out a little gasp of pain from the impact.

The male pinned Leo's hands above him, and started planting lust-filled kisses on Leo's exposed neck and lips.

It was as if Leo's conscious was suddenly slammed back into him with the first kiss, and he suddenly realized the situation he was in.

Leo tried to wriggle out of the male's grasp, but he had an iron grip that kept Leo locked in place. 

"Please, let me g-" Leo started, ready to plead with the boy for his freedom. But he cut him off with a full kiss on his lips, while the hand that wasn't pinning him wandered to the zipper of Leo's jeans.

Leo struggled to get out of the male's grasp, and failed. Leo's chest heaved with every breath as he was assaulted. The boy had pulled Leo's jeans and boxers off completely now.

Leo didn't like it. At all.

He needed to get the boy to stop, and soon.

Leo gathered up all the strength he had in his feeble arms, and pushed the male onto the couch behind him.

Leo didn't have his phone with him, and he was too weak to run and get help.

He was numb, and terrified. His assaulter had scrambled up from the leather couch he was thrown on, a look of rage was on his face.

Leo's heartbeat was out of control, he wanted to run. But his fragile legs couldn't hold up his body, and they were trembling.

As the male came towards him, Leo's eyes widened in fright, and a scream of agony left his mouth.

The drunken boy froze at the sound of Leo's scream, his eyes daring back and forth, as if he was about to be caught red-handed.

And suddenly the door came crashing in, bringing a man along with it. He was tall, with ashy, gray blond hair. He stumbled, but regained his balance quickly. He stared at the situation in front of him, his chest heaving. He spoke quickly, his voice smooth and melodic to Leo's ears: "Get away from him, bastard."

The drunk male stood lackadaisically, his posture no longer panicked and desperate for escape.

"Heh, and what're you gonna do? Huh? Fight me?" He smirked, alcohol still swimming in his head.

The gray haired man stalked towards the other, grabbing a fistful of his shirt in his hand. "You better back off right now, or I will pummel you until you're just a pile of meat lying on the ground," the gray haired male growled.

The other just stared at the gray haired man, his jaw slack, before he started hitting his arms insistently. "Okay, okay, okay, I've got it, just let me go!" He said.

"Not so fa-zzzz," A sudden buzzing sound filled Leo's ears as he attempted to watch the scene playing out in front of him. He didn't know what was really happening, his ears were still buzzing and his eyelids were fluttering open and closed.

He saw the nice man push the drunk guy into the hallway and into someone else, who placed something silver and shiny on his wrists.

Then he came towards Leo, who just stared dazedly at him. The last thing Leo heard before he blacked out was, "Are you okay?"

That's when his vision ceased, and he fell limp, right into the arms of the gray haired stranger.


	2. Living An Empty Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo wakes up in an unfamiliar place

  
  
Leo's eyes fluttered open drowsily. His now open eyes locked with a pair of coffee brown orbs right above his face.

Leo jerked upward in surprise and his forehead collided with the person's nose.

"Ow! My poor nose!" The male on top of him cried out in pain. He fell on his butt onto the bed, rubbing his nose tenderly.

"S-sorry..." Leo murmured, his voice tremulous. He was in an unfamiliar place with a stranger and they had been on top of him. Leo's brain clearly screamed at him, 'Get away, you're not safe.' Leo's gaze flickered to his surroundings in order to assess his situation.

He was on a bed placed in the middle of a tidy, pleasant looking room. It had a homely feel to it and Leo's apprehension began to disperse.

"Hey, are you all right?" The man next to Leo inquired. Leo nodded stiffly, not letting his own eyes meet those startling coffee eyes. "Okay, well you had been sleeping for so long that I just wanted to check if you were still alive," the man explained, letting out a small chuckle.

"Um...who are you?" Leo uttered softly, his eyes fixed on the sheets covering his body.

"Oh, my name is Ken! How about you, what's your name?" The man flashed a brilliant smile as his hair fell into his eyes. His hair was silver and looked silky and soft.

Leo peered away from Ken's stunning appearance. "Ah, I'm Leo," he replied quietly.

"Alright, well if you're still tired you can go back to sleep. Otherwise you can come with me. It's already noon, but I can still get some breakfast together." Ken said, giving Leo a wink.

Leo nodded slowly as he heard his stomach growl in hunger. He pushed the covers to the side and went to stand up. He wobbled a little on his feet for some reason.

"Woah, woah, slow down a minute. You got thrown around a bit last night. Let's just take it easy, Leo," Ken said, reaching out to steady Leo. Leo suddenly remembered the horrid events from the previous night at the bar.

His legs suddenly felt like jello and his frail body teetered. Leo's mind was filled with flashing images and sounds. Pictures of the man touching him and kissing him and the terrifying sound of a zipper.

Leo abruptly felt calming hands on his waist, supporting his body from falling over. It was then that his glistening, coal-like eyes finally crossed paths with Ken's coffee orbs. He stared into them, seeing the worry reflected in them. Ken's eyes made him feel at ease, like nothing at all could hurt him.

Leo melted in his arms, his legs unable to support his trembling frame. He let out a breathy puff of air and rested his head on Ken's shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay, you'll be okay," Ken soothed, running his hands through Leo's downy cherry hair. Ken laid Leo back down in the bed. "Get some more rest, you need it." Ken pulled the blankets back over him gently. "I'll be in the living room if you need me. Just yell," He said. pointing out the door.

"Go to sleep, Leo," Ken whispered, smiling lightly. He walked to the door and exited the room.

Leo was about to close his droopy eyelids, when that honey sweet voice penetrated his eardrums again.

"Sweet dreams, Leo..."

\- - -

When Leo awoke again, he felt slightly more rejuvenated. He sat up and rubbed his eyes with fingers.

Leo slid out from under the covers and slowly stood up. He felt stable on his feet this time, so he walked to the mirror that was above the dresser against the wall.

Leo's pallid complexion jumped out at himself. His high cheekbones seemed more prominent than ever and his skin was pale and sickly looking still.

Leo touched his face lightly. He shuddered at the sticky feeling and drew his fingers away.

Leo wanted to take a shower now. He had to wash away the dirt from the previous night. He felt disgusting and was slightly repulsed by his own appearance.

Leo shuffled in the bathroom and turned on the water. He waited until it was scalding hot, and undressed slowly.

The water burned his skin when he stepped underneath it. It hurt, but Leo could take it. He was used to it.

The hot water numbed him, so he couldn't feel anything at all.

Leo stared down at his scarred arms. They were riddled with cuts and bruises. Most self-inflicted but others not.

His arms trembled as he looked at them.  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He didn't want to think about those things right now. No, he didn't want to think about them ever.

' _It's okay. She's not here, Taek. She's not here, you're okay...'_ His brain kept reminding him that he was alone, that he was okay.

Leo let out a shaky breath. He was okay.

\- - -

Ken sat leisurely on the couch in the living room. He was waiting for Leo to get up, so he could help him when he needed to.

Ken's thoughts provoked an image of the young man to flash in his head.

Ken was intrigued by Leo. His dark red hair and his coal-like eyes. Ken liked his eyes the most. They were dark and scary and seemed endless.

They were beautiful in the way they reflected everything Leo looked at. Leo's eyes were like a pool of spilled ink, shiny and smooth.

But they seemed to hold no emotion. They looked dead and soulless, like their owner had absolutely no feeling.

Ken sighed, running a hand through his feathery silver-gray hair.

Ken was about to get up and check on Leo, when he heard a soft voice in the air.

Leo was singing.

His voice was like smooth butter with perfect flow and beautiful tone. Ken wanted to listen to him sing forever.

The singing was abruptly cut off with a loud crash. Ken jumped at the sound and sprinted into Leo's room. The bathroom door was closed, which meant Leo must still be inside.

Ken wrenched the handle and threw the door open.

"Leo, Leo, are you all right?" Ken said, his tone worried.

Ken's gaze flitted to Leo who was leaning against the counter with one hand on his forehead and another holding himself up.

Ken's heart jumped out of his chest when he saw them.

The cuts that littered Leo's smooth, pale skin. Ken approached Leo slowly and put his warm hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Hey, Leo, what happened? What are these from?" Ken questioned, looking at Leo with concern.

"I fell," Leo stated curtly before pulling his shoulder out of Ken's grasp and stalking out of the bathroom in just a towel.

Ken ran after him. "I'm sorry, Leo, I shouldn't have asked! I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt," Ken explained, his voice strained and pleading for Leo to not misunderstand him.

"That's what they all say. And then they just throw me away like I'm nothing," Leo growled quietly. His eyes felt damp and he knew an onslaught of tears was going to erupt.

He didn't want Ken to see that. "You can go. I'll be out in a minute. I'm fine," Leo said, keeping his back to Ken.

Ken stayed silent, looking at Leo with a distraught face. He barely knew this man but he still wanted to help him.

"Okay. I'll be in the kitchen," Ken resigned, closing the door on his way out.

Leo took a shuddering breath. He had let someone else see. He didn't want anybody else to ever find out and attempt to get closer to him.

It was a pain. He'd just have to push them away before he himself got close and he was unable to part with that person.

It had happened before. And Leo didn't want it to occur again.

Leo let the tears fall until his tear ducts seemed to be empty. He wiped away the tear stains on his face and left the bedroom for the first time.

Leo padded into the hallway. It was a creamy white, with pictures of Ken and other people together. They looked ecstatic with huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Ken's brilliant smile shone with happiness in every photo. His face was bright and beautiful. He had a different color hair in almost every photo.

Leo came to the conclusion that he liked the silver-gray the most. It brought out his skin tone and made him sparkle.

Leo continued down the hallway after observing the photos. He entered a room he assumed to be the kitchen.

He saw Ken's figure sitting at the island, staring off into space. A coffee mug was grasped in his fingers.

"Ken..." Leo said timidly.

Ken whipped around and his eyes landed on Leo immediately. A big smile slowly spread across his face.

"Hey, Leo, come sit down!" He invited Leo enthusiastically. Leo sat down on the stool across from Ken, his eyes fixed on his hands.

"So, are you hungry?" Ken asked, pulling something out of the refrigerator. He placed a plate of pancakes and eggs in front of Leo. "Here, I saved this for you. You can have it," Ken said, unwrapping the food.

"Thank you..." Leo said, bowing his head slightly in thanks.

"Of course! Eat as much as you want." Ken beamed at Leo and happily sipped the black coffee that resembled his eyes.

Leo poked at his food with a fork before taking a tentative bite of the pancake.

It tasted like heaven, soft and fluffy and the perfect ratio of syrup to pancake.

Leo licked his lips and dug in, wolfing down he food as if he hadn't eaten in months. It was kind of true, Leo hadn't had an appetite for nearly three days. He hadn't ingested anything but water and alcohol for two days straight.

Ken smiled at the sight of Leo eating like a starved wolf. He admired the way his wet cranberry red hair plastered to his forehead and how his cheeks puffed out like a hamster as he ate.

It was cute.

"So, Leo, are you ready to go home after this? I can take you home if you want," Ken offered kindly. Leo froze immediately.

The word "home" resonated in Leo's mind, and he suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. He set his fork down and stared blankly at the refrigerator behind Ken.

"Leo?" Ken asked.

"Yes. Just take me home," Leo said monotonously. His eyes were lifeless and tired looking all of the sudden.

"Are you sure?" Ken inquired again. He reached out to touch Leo's arm. "Leo...if I said something wrong again I'm sorry. Please just stay here another night then? I'm sorry." Ken apologized after Leo recoiled from his touch. His coffee eyes stared at Leo pleadingly.

Leo stood up and went back to the guest room he was in earlier. He curled in a ball under the blankets, his mind numb from the thought of his so-called "home".

Leo heard Ken knock on his door once again.

"Leo..."

"I'm sorry if I said something wrong but..."

"You need to help me understand you better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since ii wrote these first couple chapters, so it's interesting to look back at them.


	3. When Am I Gonna Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: there is a scene dealing with abuse in this chapter. be wary.

 

The next morning was the same as the rest.

The familiar sickening feeling in his stomach had returned and he felt exhausted. He had slept for so long but it was like he had only been sleeping for ten minutes.

Leo sat up feebly, not having the energy to get out of bed. He stared at the wall in front of him blankly.

He was still in Ken's house. After the incident the day before, he hadn't left the room or even spoken to Ken.

Leo didn't want to drag Ken into his problems. It was as simple as that. He refused to let people uncover his issues and then proceed to try and help him.

In the end he'd just feel even more worthless than he already was. He knew that after the person found out, they'd immediately drop him. They wouldn't care anymore; it would be as if Leo could disappear and the one that had seemingly cared before wouldn't even realize he was gone.

The thought made him sick to the core. He didn't want to be abandoned over and over again.

Leo shuddered and was going to lie back down. But then he heard a buzzing sound from the dresser.

Leo didn't want to call Ken in to get it, so he dragged himself to his feet and walked over. His phone was sitting on top of the smooth wood, ringing silently.

The screen lit up with a name: Mom.

Leo's eyes widened in alarm. No. No no no. He couldn't deal with her right now.

Leo shrank back instinctively and ran back to the bed, his shoulders already quivering. He covered himself in the sheets and stared at the vibrating phone.

He knew he had to answer eventually. But he didn't want to. If he didn't answer, the consequences would just pile on top of each other.

As if she was standing in this room, Leo slowly and reluctantly got up again to pick up the hunk of technology.

He let it ring. She called again, and he answered.

"He-hello?" Leo whispered, too afraid to raise his voice to a normal speaking level.

"Jung Taekwoon." The voice was stern and raspy, as if the person hadn't had any water in days.

Just the sound of her voice made Leo want to throw up. He hated this.

"Where the fuck are you, you ingrate?" Her words were slurred and Leo felt bile rise in the back of his throat. "How long have you been gone, huh? Thought you could get away? You better get back here right now!" She was screaming at the phone now.

"I'm-I'm sorry," Leo mumbled. "You're what? What a joke! Get your ass moving, bitch! I expect to see you tonight," She yelled, throwing things at the walls now. Leo could hear things smashing and falling to the floor after they were thrown.

Leo felt goosebumps on his pale skin. "O-okay, m-mom, I'll be there later," Leo said, stumbling over some words.

"Oppa?" A small voice faintly traveled through the phone's speakers. Leo froze, his breathing stopped. He should not be hearing that voice right now.

"Hwayoung, what the fuck are you doing up? Your poor excuse of a brother isn't home yet, would you like to face the consequences, huh?" Leo's mother snickered at her.

"N-no, mom I'll be back right now. I'm coming  _home_ right now, please!" Leo said hurriedly.

Leo held the phone against his ear with his shoulder and scrambled out of bed. He pulled on his jacket that was on the ground and slipped on his shoes haphazardly.

He fell forward and banged his head on the wall in front of him as he tried to balance on one foot and get his shoes on.

"Ahh.." Leo groaned in pain, holding his throbbing head. He shook the dizziness away and wrenched open the door.

He rushed out but smacked into Ken and stumbled backward.

"Leo, what are you doing?" Ken asked worriedly. His gaze was on Leo, those coffee eyes deep and penetrating.

"Leo? Who the fuck is Leo? Are you with someone, Taekwoon?" Leo's mother screeched from over the phone.

Leo almost forgot he was on the phone with her still. The collision with Ken was unexpected and his mind had gone blank, not knowing what to say or do now.

"Do you need to go? I can take you home," Ken asked. Leo nodded yes, while putting a finger up to his mask-like face.

Leo put on his mask as soon as he realized Ken was there. It resulted in his face being blank, no emotion showing. He had learned to perfect his mask in front of others.

There were never any cracks; it was almost flawless. Nobody knew the real Leo, and Leo didn't want anybody to know.

Ken nodded as well, showing he understood. He beckoned Leo to follow him.

"No, mom, I'm not with anybody. It might have just been someone I passed on the street," Leo explained calmly, his emotionless mask perfectly affixed now.

His mother grunted in response, letting out a gruff 'Fine' and hanging up.

The dial tone beeped and Leo stuffed his phone into his pocket. "Please take me  _home_ , Ken," Leo asked politely, his eyes dull.

Ken nodded, slightly unsure with what was going on. He got in his car and started the ignition.

"What's your address?" Ken inquired, looking over at Leo's tranquil face.

"Just drop me off at XXX XXXXX street," Leo replied, not giving Ken even a glance. Ken nodded once again.

The car was silent. Ken drove, Leo stared out the window, seemingly absent-minded. In reality, he was terrified; his pulse was through the roof and his brain was in a tangle of thoughts.

He was so worried. He was so, so worried. He unconsciously tapped his finger anxiously on his clothed thigh.

He needed to hurry.

\- - -

"Leo, is everything alright?" Ken asked quietly as he pulled up to the curb to drop Leo off.

Leo looked at him blankly. "Fine," He then replied, before shutting the car door. Leo began to walk away.

Ken sat there staring at Leo's retreating figure. Leo didn't know, but Ken could see the urgency in Leo's steps.

Ken knew Leo was probably in trouble, or something like that. He made the decision to quietly tail him.

Ken was quite sure that Leo wouldn't notice him: he was way too preoccupied with whatever was on his mind. So Ken drove along at the speed limit, keeping tabs on where Leo was going.

He realized after a while that Leo was walking quite a ways from where he had been dropped off. Ken finally saw him walk up the driveway of a small, run-down looking brick house.

Ken parked himself across the street and rolled down the window so he could clearly see if anything happened. He saw that Leo was about to open the door when it swung open and hit him in the face.

"You're...fucking...loser? Come here!" Ken could make out some of the words of a female voice yelling at Leo from inside.

He managed to see a hand that reached out and grabbed Leo by the shirt. The other hand looked like it slapped him across the face.

Ken's eyes widened in shock. He wanted to rush out and help Leo but he knew his help would probably be unappreciated.

Ken took out his phone and filmed as much of the scene as he could, before Leo was pulled into the house, stumbling over his own feet.

A grim frown plagued Ken's usually joyful features. He put his phone away and drove away, a thought running through his head:

_I will hold him and and never let him go._

\- - -

Leo stumbled on his feet as his mother yanked him inside, her hand fisting his shirt tightly. She was pulling so hard, Leo felt like he was choking.

The woman was of short stature, but she could throw a fully grown man like Leo around like a rag doll.Leo was extremely underweight and was as light as a feather for his age, but it still should have been impossible to toss him about like that.

But she did just that: she let the door slam shut and dragged Leo across the floor viciously. She threw his fragile body against the bottom of the wall. Her cheeks blazed red as she glared at him with furious, shiny black eyes. Leo shrank away from her and tried to crawl away.

Opaque green glass crashed next to Leo's head. The beer bottle she had been holding was now in pieces, just like Leo's heart.

"Jung Taekwoon...where have you been? You left me with this damn brat!" She screamed, her intoxicated face twisting in fury.

Hwayoung was cowering at the top of the stairs, her small body quaking with fear. She looked down at Leo with sadness on her little face.

"Hwahwa, go to your room, I'll come get you later," Leo said, putting on a weak smile for her. Hwayoung nodded and darted to her room.

Leo turned back to his mother. He smiled at her weakly. "Please, Jisoo-, mom, I'm here now," Leo pleaded, his shoulders shivering.

"Fuck, no! Taekwoon, you are going to get what you deserve."   
  
"Pl-please," Leo whispered as she grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to another room. The door closed.

Leo's fate was sealed.

\- - -

It was the same again. Leo was lying on his bed again. He was staring at the ceiling again, listening to the clock

tick

tick

tick

away again.

His life felt like a cycle, each day repeating, with no change. The constant sick feeling that sat at the pit of his stomach. The everlasting bruises and cuts that only multiplied with every passing day.

"Taekwoonie..." the small quivering voice of Hwayoung came from the entrance to Leo's room. Leo sat up with some effort, his fresh wounds stinging.

"Come here, Hwahwa," Leo called softly. Hwayoung let go of the door handle and ran into Leo's now open arms.

She sniffled into Leo's shoulder, her hot tears soaking his thin shirt. "I'm sorry Taekwoonie, it's all my fault," Hwayoung cried.

Leo stroked her silky hair soothingly. "Shh...no it's not Hwahwa. It's all her fault, it's not yours baby," Leo whispered into her ear. He squeezed her tightly.

"But, she hurts you oppa! I don't like it at all!" Hwayoung said.

"It'll be alright, Hwayoung. I'm here to protect you forever." Leo kept his arms around her for a long time. She eventually fell asleep in his warm embrace.

Leo brushed away the wispy black hair away from her porcelain skin. She looked so small and beautiful sleeping like that. Leo let a small yet sad smile form on his face. 

_"I'll die before I leave you alone."_

_\- - -_


	4. Thought We Had It Right

Leo woke up again, only because he had to.

Leo walked to his wardrobe, pulling out whatever was on top. It was Monday, which meant Leo had some classes today.

Leo did go to college; but he had gotten a full-ride musical scholarship. That was the only way he was able to go. Singing was one of the few things Leo was good at and loved it more than anything.

Of course, not more than he loved his little sister, but that was a different matter.

Leo pulled on his black jeans and sat back down on his bed, staring at the barren, cracked wall. His first class began at 11, but it was currently 7 in the morning. This meant that Leo had four hours until class.

He really didn't want to stay here, living in his own worst nightmare: literally.

Leo stood up again, after staring at the dull wall for a good half an hour with absolutely nothing but self-depreciating thoughts running through his brain.

He grabbed his keys and picked up his jacket, only to see a small piece of paper flutter out and onto the floor.

Leo's eyes blinked at the paper confusedly. What could have been put in his coat without him realizing.

Leo bent down and picked up the thin paper with his fingers. He turned it over in his hand and glanced at the writing on the front.   
  
  


**Seoul Police Department - Seoul, South Korea**

Detective Kim Seokjin

Domestic Violence/Sexual Assault Division

phone : XXX-XXXX email: spd.kimsj@xxx.com  
  
  


Leo's hand shook with fear as he read the words inked on the card. If Jisoo  **(his mom)**  found this, Leo probably wouldn't be living much longer.

Leo stuffed the card back in his pocket and zipped it up. He couldn't let her see it or Hwayoung would be in trouble as well. Leo shuddered in terror at the thought.

Leo didn't know how something like that even ended up in his pocket. Leo had never even spoken to this Kim Seokjin, let alone spoken to a police officer. He wouldn't dare, for fear that his mother would somehow find out.

Leo would rather suffer now than face even harsher consequences if he was discovered talking to someone like that.

Leo took a deep breath and opened his bedroom door, praying that his mother wasn't home. Leo slowly walked to the different rooms in the house, glancing in each room to check for her presence. He breathed a sigh of relief.

His mother's favorite activity was going out and drinking with her friends. How she even had friends, Leo didn't know. But he was certain that they didn't know about how Jisoo was living and how she treated her own blood.

So Leo assumed Jisoo was "living it up" with her drinking friends, and he went to Hwayoung's little pink room.

"Hwahwa?" Leo said, poking his head of silken red hair into her room. "Hey, Hwahwa, come out here, she's not here," Leo called, trying to coax his seven year-old sister out of hiding.

"Taekwoonie? I'm here," the small female voice replied. The little girl climbed out from under a massive cocoon of blankets. Leo had given her all of his. He didn't need them, as there was no warmth in him to keep inside.

He knew she liked them, so he just let her have them.

"Hwayoung, why don't we go out today, before I go to school. You have off today," Leo suggested, looking fondly at the black haired girl.

A smile lit up on her small face and she grabbed onto Leo's legs excitedly.

"Let's go let's go!" Hwayoung squeaked happily. Leo stroked her hair, chuckling quietly.

"Okay, let's go," Leo said, grabbing her hand tightly in his.

They walked out of the house and headed into town.

\- - -

Ken's deep-coffee eyes were staring into space, his thoughts wandering to the tall, cranberry-haired male that had recently invaded his mind. 

Ken breathed deeply, shaking his thoughts away. He pulled out his phone, contemplating if he should really do this.

 He clicked on the green phone app after a moment. 

He dialed his number. 

It rang twice. 

"It's Lee," Ken said bluntly. 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

When his eyes opened again, he looked resolutely at the wall in front of him.

"I'm going to do it. Tell Mr. Moon as soon as possible," Ken said, his voice steady and confident. 

"I'll talk to you later," Ken replied to the voice on the other line. He hung up immediately after, throwing the phone on the table in front of him. 

"Dammit, Ken, you just had to, didn't you?" Ken muttered to himself. 

He put his head into his hands, silently cursing himself. 

It was too late to take it back now.

\- - -

Leo didn't want to leave Hwayoung at home alone today, in case Jisoo came home earlier than she usually did. She would probably be drunk, as usual, and even if she wasn't, Leo still didn't want Hwayoung to be alone with her. 

Leo walked Hwayoung up to the daycare center that he frequented for days like this. 

"Alright, Hwayoung. I'm going to leave you with Mr. Yoo today. Be nice to him!" Leo smiled softly, handing Hwayoung over to his good friend Kihyun. 

"Go on in, Hwayoung. The other kids are already watching a movie," Kihyun said, pushing her gently towards the kid's area. 

Leo waved goodbye to his little sister until he saw her disappear into the next room. 

Leo sighed in relief, before giving Kihyun a thankful look. "Thank you for looking after her, Kihyun. I owe you one," Leo said quietly.

Kihyun smiled brightly. "Of course, I love Hwayoung, she's a lot of fun to take care of," Kihyun replied. 

Leo nodded again in thanks, and sped off towards his college. 

It was actually the first day of the semester, so Leo might find some new faces in his classes. That didn't mean he'd talk to them though.

Leo arrived to his music class with ten minutes until 11, but the classroom was almost full already. 

Leo glanced around the room blankly, not finding many open seats. He saw faces he recognized, but most with an open seat next to them were people he didn't like. 

Which was a lot of people.

Leo was just staring around when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, his face expressionless, to see a rather tall, dark blue haired boy smiling at him politely. 

"Hey, do you need a seat?" The blue-haired boy asked, pointing at an empty seat near the window. 

"My friend is sitting in the aisle seat, so you can sit in the seat next to him if you want. He's super nice, so he won't mind."

Leo just stared at him, unresponsive. The boy smiled at him warmly. Leo kept staring, and then walked over to the seat, plopping himself in it unceremoniously.

"Thanks," Leo said, nodding at the boy, who grinned widely.

"Yup. No problem!"

Leo turned away from him and looked out the window, patiently waiting for the class to start. Leo's mind was blank, not a single thought pulling him under. It was unusual.

And then the image of silver-haired Ken rose to the surface and Leo felt his cheeks heating up for some reason. Ken's shiny coffee eyes paired with his soft hair, and his smooth complexion were painted like a picture in Leo's head. 

Leo was lost in thoughts of Ken's heart-melting smile when he felt his desk shake and someone sit down in the aisle chair. 

"Hey, Hyuk said I could si-Leo?" The male said as he was turning to face Leo. Leo's eyes widened at the sight of the handsome man he had just been thinking about.

Ken had a surprised look on his features, before his face relaxed and he smiled happily. 

"Hey, I didn't know you went to this college. It's my first semester taking this class, so I'm new here," Ken laughed, his eyes squinting into cute crescents. 

Leo just looked at him, his surprised look slowly fading as he took in the fact that he and Ken were sitting next to each other. 

Leo was honestly puzzled: what were the odds that the man who had saved him from being assaulted just happened to go to the same college as him and take the exact same class, and end up sitting next to him in said class. 

 _'Less than one percent,'_  Leo thought. There was just no way...

"Jung Taekwoon." The teacher had arrived several minutes ago and had begun taking attendance. Leo flinched when he heard his real name called out like that.

Flashes of Jisoo's voice filled his brain and Leo put a hand on the side of his head, begging the hallucinations to go away. The teacher sounded so much like her. 

A comforting hand jerked him out of his painful trance. Leo's head snapped up and he shakily called out, "Here, I'm here." 

He took a deep breath and made sure the mask over his emotions wasn't cracked when he faced Ken, whose hand was still on his shoulder. 

"You okay, Leo?" Ken asked.

"Fine..." Leo murmured, shaking Ken's hand off his body.

Leo felt colder when the warm skin left his clothed shoulder.

Leo tried to focus his attention on the teacher in front of him instead of the concerned male beside him. 

All he had to do was ignore Ken the rest of the semester. Granted, Leo knew something like that would be near impossible. But he had to. 

Leo wasn't about to let him get any closer than he already was.

\- - -

The class went by quickly, and before Leo realized it, Ken was tapping him and telling him it was time to go. Leo got up and started to walk towards the door. His main priority was getting out of there so he didn't have to speak to Ken at all.

But he was too slow, and he heard loud steps approaching from behind him: 

_bang_

_bang_

_bang._

"Leooooooooo!" That melodic, honey-like voice that Leo had come to know called out to him loudly. 

Arms wrapped around Leo's shoulders tightly. Ken was hugging him from behind as tightly as he could. 

Leo froze, his blood running cold. His emotional armor told him to throw off the friendly and warm touch of Ken.

Leo's body didn't exactly do what his conscience was telling him to do. It was screaming at him, 'This is wrong, you shouldn't be letting him touch you like that.', but his body stayed stock still. 

"Leo?" Ken questioned cheerily. Leo snapped out of it and pulled Ken's arms off of him. 

"Please, don't touch me." 

Ken looked at him quizzically, a look of hurt and guiltiness in his eyes. 

"Ah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. we aren't even that good of friends yet," Ken apologized, looking down at his feet. Ken's head snapped up, a wide smile forming on his face. "Hey, Leo, do you want to hang out with Sanghyuk and I? We thought it might be fun to have you," Ken asked, his cheerful self back up and running. 

Leo averted his eyes from Ken and shook his head no. 

"I'm busy, sorry," Leo replied, turning and finally walking out the door. 

\- - -

Ken stood and watched as Leo's broad back disappeared down the hallway. 

"That's him?" The blue-haired male, Sanghyuk, asked. Ken nodded. 

"Yeah. He's awfully stubborn. I can't get him to budge on anything," Ken said, crossing his arms thoughtfully.

"He's cute, I guess," Sanghyuk said, giving Ken a playful smirk. 

"Shut up, you kid," Ken pouted, smacking a laughing Sanghyuk over the head. 

_He was kind of cute..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will be posting all chapters I have written tonight!


	5. Now It's An Endless Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW!! blood, violence, and abuse.

Leo was beginning to feel confused and upset, more than usual. 

The perpetrator: a certain silver-haired, coffee-eyed man named Ken.   

Leo had sort of wanted to accept Ken's invitation, but his protective armor wouldn't allow his emotional and social barriers be penetrated; not yet, at least. 

Leo trudged to his next class silently, not saying anything to anyone, or even looking up from the ground. He only took his gaze off the floor to make sure he was at the right classroom. 

\- - -

 Leo's classes were over rather quickly today, and he finished up at around 4 o'clock. Leo shrugged his backpack onto his shoulders and walked out of his math class.

He made his way to the daycare center to pick up Hwayoung that afternoon. He knocked on the door as he watched the kids napping quietly. He smiled faintly as he looked at Hwayoung's sleeping figure, with her ebony hair splayed out around her head like a dark halo. 

"Leo?" Leo turned around to see pink haired Kihyun smiling brightly at him. 

Leo nodded in acknowledgement and turned his eyes back to watching Hwayoung. 

"Are you here to pick her up for the day?" Kihyun asked, walking into the room and bending down to pick up some scattered toys. 

Leo went to help him. "Yes," he replied. 

"Okay. Also, I thought I should let you know..." Kihyun said, his voice low. He looked at Leo worriedly. 

Leo cocked his head to the side, silently asking Kihyun what he meant. 

"There was a bruise on her shoulder. I'm not sure what it's from but...I just thought I should tell you," Kihyun said, still picking up toys. 

Leo had frozen in the middle of tossing a block in a bin. 

"Are you sure?" Leo asked, his voice cold and serious. 

"Yes. It looked like finger marks, too."

Leo nodded his understanding and went to wake Hwayoung up. He crouched down at her side and shook her lightly. 

"Hwahwa? It's time to get up. We've gotta leave. Hwahwa." 

The little girl blinked sleepily, rubbing her eyes with her hands. 

"Taekwoonie, you're already here? I'm sleepy..." Hwayoung yawned, stretching her little arms into the air. Leo bent down and picked her up, smiling softly. 

"Yeah, I'm here. We've gotta go back now," Leo said, bopping her on the nose playfully. 

Hwayoung giggled. "Can we get ice cream Taekwoonie?" she asked happily, burying her face into Leo's shoulder. 

"Sure, baby. Let's go." 

Leo walked to the door with Kihyun following closely behind. 

"Thanks Kihyun. Say thank you to Kihyun, Hwahwa," Leo said quietly.

"Thank you, Mr. Kihyun!" Hwayoung squeaked, a big smile on her face. Kihyun chuckled.

"See you tommorrow Hwayoung," Kihyun said, giving a little wave and then watching Leo and Hwayoung walk away. 

Leo and Hwayoung stopped at the local ice cream parlor on their way back to the dreaded hellhole they were supposed to call home. Leo got chocolate ice cream while Hwayoung got mint chocolate chip. 

Hwayoung took her time eating her ice cream, and also managed to get it all over her face. She laughed loudly and smiled brightly, and Leo was glad. 

Leo began to get that feeling of dread bubbling in the pit of his stomach again as they made their way down their street. He held Hwayoung a little tighter in his arms. 

Leo tried the door, finding that it was already unlocked, which meant that she was home. He pushed the door open and the creak of the hinges echoed throughout the hollow building. 

Leo quickly put Hwayoung in her room, safe and sound. His eyes flitted around as he walked to his own room. Leo made it, and sat down on his bed. But something still felt wrong; the feeling of dread still hadn't gone away. 

He flopped down in the sheets, his arms spread wide as he stared at the ceiling. 

That's when he heard it. The stomping. It was getting closer with every passing second. Leo knew he wouldn't be able to get away today. 

Leo shot up, already shaking. His door flew open, slamming against his bedroom wall. 

"Taekwoon." The menacing voice filled the room. 

Leo felt like he was going to break down already and he hadn't even looked at her yet. Leo stood there, his shoulders shivering in fear, then backed away slowly. 

She took a step towards him and he stumbled, the backs of his legs hitting the bed frame. Leo tumbled to the floor and his head smacked on the metal frame. 

His vision blurred for a split-second before he found himself looking at Jisoo's hostile, glazed-over eyes.

His heart jolted in terror and he tried to scramble away, but there was no room behind him to escape to.

She reached down and grasped Leo's shirt in her hand, pulling him up until his face was inches from hers, and their equally soulless eyes stared at each other. 

"Taekwoon. Can you tell me where you were today?" Jisoo asked, her voice frighteningly calm and quiet. But her eyes were like a raging black storm getting ready to swallow Leo at any moment. 

Leo shook his head in response to her question, not answering her. She shook him by the collar. 

"Answer me! Where did you go?!" She screamed at him and sent spittle flying everywhere. Leo shivered again. 

"I was-I was at- I was at school. The new-the new semester started today," He finally squeaked out, his voice tremoring. 

Jisoo's lip curled up and she brought a fist up.

"School? Tch, you're nowhere near intelligent to go to school, you piece of shit." She sneered in digust, bringing her raised fist down hard on Leo's temple. 

Leo gasped sharply, a shock going through his body. His head was spinning with pain. 

"You should just stop going to school before you embarrass yourself, dumbass. I can't believe any son of mine has such a lack of intelligence," She growled, this time grabbing Leo's red hair. 

Leo glimpsed a sight of something gleaming in Jisoo's other hand.

"What-what is that?" Leo whimpered quietly. His mother glanced at her hand then back at Leo. A smirk formed on her lips. 

"It's something new I found for our little playtimes..." She said, letting go of Leo's shirt and bringing the shining object into his line of sight. In her hands was a pile of coins. 

Leo was disoriented already, but the coins just confused him even more. 

"I had an interesting idea, you know. Probably something you could never imagine, little Taekwoon," she whispered in his ear. Shivers traveled down Leo's spine.

Jisoo turned around, picking up a strewn sock on the ground. Leo's ebony eyes widened in dread and panic. 

Why had she thought of something like this? Why would she even think of doing it?

Leo realized over the years that she seemed to enjoy her daily activity of harming him. At first, not as much, she just did it in a rage. But now the malicious look in her eyes couldn't be denied, and Leo knew she hated him with all her being. She made up excuses to hit him. Anything was acceptable, as long as Leo was in pain.  

Things had finally skipped to another level. And Leo was thoroughly shaken when he realized that she didn't care how much she was hurting him now. 

Leo tried to get away again as Jisoo dumped the hunks of metal into the thin fabric. 

She saw him and whipped the object at him with unimaginable force. 

"Where the  _fuck_ do you think you're going?" She screeched. Leo screamed as the coins collided with his cheekbone. He fell to the ground and raised a trembling hand to the broken skin that was dripping bright red blood.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Leo mumbled, as she stalked towards him. 

She scooped up the coin sock and her arm came swinging again. 

\- - -

Leo's screams had died down hours ago. 

His door hung open, no light flowing in. 

Leo lay in a bloody heap, his throat hoarse, his limbs like lead, and his head throbbing.  

His coal black eyes were dull and unfeeling as he stared into the dark nothingness in his room. 

"Why, why me?" He whispered, tears building in his eyes again. 

"Ha..Haneul...why'd you have to leave me like this?" Leo choked on his tears, curling tighter in a ball. 

Leo tried to push himself up off the hardwood floor but his arms shook so badly that he couldn't hold his body up. All his wounds stung furiously and he felt like they were all ripping open again. 

Leo finally managed to pull himself to his feet and he stumbled over to the bathroom. His mind wasn't stable right now.  He held onto the edge of the counter and stared into the mirror. 

His cranberry hair was disheveled and fell into his dark eyes. The wound on his cheekbone was stained with dried blood. He looked terrible. 

"Haneul, am I really so pathetic? I really deserve this don't I? I'm stupid, I'm pathetic, I'm ugly, I have no confidence, I'm quiet, I'm not funny," Leo whispered, pounding his chest with his fist at every insult to himself. 

"I deserve this. I'm a waste of space that everybody hates. That's why she hates me. Just like everybody should." Leo's eyes were dry, he couldn't shed anymore tears. 

He felt like he was empty, like a giant hole had been driven through his chest, gaping and dark. Leo blinked rapidly and reached down to the cabinet under his sink. 

He opened the little wooden door, picking up a little cup and drawing it out from its confined space. The objects inside were shiny even in the pitch black darkness of the bathroom. Leo took one out with steady hands and blank eyes. 

"I deserve it."

His hand grew limp and the cup dropped out of his hand, spilling the contents all over the floor. He brought his other hand to his already bloody wrist, placing the cold metal on his skin. 

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

Leo's phone was ringing all of the sudden and Leo jerked in surprise. 

The edge sliced through his skin. Leo yelped in pain. The blade tumbled out of his hand and blood flowed thinly out of the small cut. Leo walked to his bed unsteadily and picked up his phone. 

Ken. 

Ken's name shone on the display screen.

Ken must have put his number in Leo's phone while he was sleeping. 

 _Damn him_ , Leo thought bitterly. He slid to the right and accepted the call. He raised it to his ear, not speaking a word. 

"Leo! What's up?"

Leo didn't say anything. 

"Leo? You there? Hey, don't ignore me! I know you picked up!" Ken said. It was as if Leo could see him pouting. 

"What do you want, Ken?" Leo asked in a croaky voice. 

"Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to meet up for coffee tomorrow morning, before class. You don't have to! I just thought it would be nice do something fun," Ken rambled. 

Leo's armor didn't hold up completely this time. 

"Fine," He said, giving in to the silver haired man's request. 

"Really?! Great! Meet me at 9 at the coffee shop," Ken chirped happily. He bid Leo goodbye and hung up. 

Leo let his arm fall to his side. He heaved a sigh. What had he just given into?

\- - -

Leo got up with much effort the next morning. The wounds on his body stung greatly, and he had to move carefully so not to reopen them. He grunted in pain when he bent down to tie his shoes. 

But he managed, and he pulled his backpack on his shoulders at 7:30 a.m. 

He made sure Hwayoung was up and ready, and he walked her to school at 8. 

Hwayoung clutched her brother's thin hand tightly. 

"Taekwoonie," Hwayoung said quietly. 

"Hmm?" 

"I don't like hearing you scream like that," She said, squeezing his hand tighter. 

"Taekwoonie, don't be sad, I'll protect you!" Hwayoung said, sniffing loudly. Her eyes were already watering. 

"Oh, Hwahwa, thank you, but don't worry too much about your big brother, okay? I'm here to keep you safe no matter what," Leo said sadly, wiping away her tears with his thumbs.

Hwayoung nodded, jumping into his arms. 

"I love you, Taekwoonie."

"I love you too, Hwahwa," Leo murmured into her soft black hair. 

\- - -

Leo sat at a table in the coffee shop he was supposed to meet Ken at. He sipped his latte quietly, warming up his cold, scarred up hands. 

Leo didn't look up when someone slid into the seat across from him. He already knew it was the silver-haired man. 

"Good morning, Leo," Ken said, smiling brightly at Leo. Leo raised his gaze to meet Ken's soft, coffee one. 

He nodded his hello and went back to sipping his latte peacefully. 

"What happened to your cheek?" Ken asked worriedly. He reached out and touched Leo's pale skin. His fingers ran over the band-aid lightly. 

Ken's hands were warm and oddly comforting. So much so that Leo almost leaned into Ken's touch. He stopped himself though and looked down. 

"I fell," He said.

"Awe, clumsy. Be more careful, okay?" He giggled softly. 

Ken picked up the coffee he had ordered before opening his mouth to say something else. 

"So, Leo, Hyuk and I really wished we had been able to hang with you too. It was kind of lonely with just the two of us," Ken laughed lightly. 

Leo didn't respond as usual. 

"I asked Hyuk to meet us here too, for fun. I hope you don't mind, he's a pretty nice kid."

"Hey, Ken!" A voice called out. 

"Sanghyuk! Over here, sit down," Ken said cheerily. 

"Oh, what, we're suddenly calling each other by our real names?" Hyuk smirked playfully, sitting down in the chair next to Ken. 

"Nicknames are dead, my dear Sanghyuk," Ken laughed and wrapped his arm around Hyuk. 

"Alright, fine,  _Jaehwan._ " Hyuk snickered, snatching Ken's americano. 

He frowned at the taste. "Ew, who drinks this stuff? It's so gross." He stuck his tongue out and set it back down. 

"I drink it, loser! Hmph," Jaehwan pouted, taking a sip of his precious drink. 

"Hey, Taekwoon, right? That's your real name, isn't it?" Hyuk asked, looking at Leo curiously. 

Leo froze at the sound of his name and his shoulders tensed up a bit. 

"Please just call me Leo, please," Leo said quietly and restrained himself from getting up and leaving. 

"Oh okay. I was just wondering. Anyway, it's almost time to go guys. It's 10 right now," Hyuk said as he glanced at his watch. 

"Alrighty kiddos, let's get going!" Ken stood up, a big grin on his face. Hyuk shook his head exasperatedly, but stood up too. 

The three men headed out the door and into the cold air.

\- - -

Leo and Ken sat in the same seats as the day before, right next to the window. Their teacher was at the front of the room, explaining their first group project. 

This was something Leo was dreading. He hated working in groups, because he had to actually talk to people and other people had to talk to him. 

But since it was music class, perhaps it wouldn't be as bad. Leo really did love music, after all.

"So, everyone will be in a group of five or six. Boys with boys and girls with girls, just so there's no huge conflict over part distribution. You will be required to come up with a group name and compose, write, and arrange a song to perform in front of the class. This will probably be one of your only group projects, so I'd like you all to take this very seriously. Everybody has to participate in some way, no matter what it is," the teacher explained while passing out rubrics showing what they'd be graded on. 

Leo listened silently, taking in all the words she was saying. 

"Alright, to make this fair, I will pull names from a hat to make groups. Boys in one, girls in another."

The class groaned collectively at this news. Most probably wanted to pick their groups. 

"First, we have..."

"Jung Taekwoon."

\- - -


	6. Where Is It Gonna Take Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of self-harm

"Jung Taekwoon."

Leo inhaled sharply at his name. Of course he had to be the first name to be pulled.

"Next...Cha Hakyeon."

Leo glanced to the dark brown haired man named Hakyeon, who was grinning widely and talking with his friend animatedly.

Leo sighed. He just had to be with one of the most loud and expressive people in his class.

The teacher reached down into the hat again. She fished around for a moment before drawing another slip of paper out.

"Kim Wonshik!" The teacher called. The black haired student named Wonshik nodded in acceptance. Leo knew he was rather quiet sometimes, so he didn't really mind his presence in the group.

Leo waited for the last three names to be called with a slight feeling of uneasiness. There was only one name he was hoping wasn't called for his group.

"Lee Hongbin is also in this group," the teacher said, throwing the other papers out. "I'll choose the last two at the same time."

Leo's teacher separated the two pieces.

"Finally, we have Han Sanghyuk and Lee Jaehwan."

Leo's heart didn't sink as much as he expected it to, but he was still upset.

He didn't dislike Ken, but he was just getting too close. Leo didn't like that at all. He feared the consequences of being close to anyone at all. The only person he was still good friends with was Kihyun.

But that was a different case, considering they had known each other for a very long time. He was the only person who continuously supported Leo, even when all his friends started leaving his side, one by one.

Leo let out another sigh when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey, Leo, we're going over by Hakyeon to talk about the project," Ken said with a smile. Leo nodded and stood up slowly once Ken's back was turned.

He held his side gently and walked over to the table his partners were gathered around.

"You can sit here," The boy with hair the color of milk chocolate, Hongbin, said politely. He patted the seat between him and Ken lightly.

Leo slid into the seat quietly and folded his bruised up hands in his lap.

"Okay, everybody, so I guess we're a group now," Hakyeon said, clapping his palms together.

He passed out pieces of paper to everybody sitting around the table. Leo picked up the paper and found that it was just blank.

"What are these for?" Hyuk asked with a confused look on his face, taking the words right out of Leo's mouth.

"Oh, just for jotting down ideas, I guess," Hakyeon said with a shrug.

"Okay, well why don't we first discuss what all of us specialize in, musically." Hongbin suggested. "I can sing and rap." Hongbin went first and then pointed to Wonshik beside him.

"I'm a rapper and songwriter," Wonshik said with a smile. Hakyeon grinned widely.

"That's amazing! We can get some sick lyrics and beats then," Hakyeon commented, then told everyone he was a singer and dancer. Leo swore he saw Wonshik blush at Hakyeon's small words of praise.

But maybe he was just seeing things, so he shook the idea out of his head.

"Leo, how about you?" Wonshik asked curiously.

"I sing, play piano, and compose," Leo said, shifting his legs to be crossed over each other.

"Ooh, a composer too! Lucky us," Hyuk cheered, smacking Ken on the shoulder.

"Ow, be gentle Hyuk, geez!" Ken pouted cutely, rubbing his arm.

"Sorry~" Hyuk laughed. "Anyway, I also sing," Hyuk told the group.

Leo's gaze shifted over to look at Ken now, who was still giggling at Hyuk. "Oh, I sing as well," He said as he saw everybody looking at him expectantly. "Pretty well too, if I do say so myself." Ken wiggled his eyebrows, making everyone laugh and earning himself another smack from Hyuk.

After that, they began to talk about ideas. Leo didn't say much except for the occasional input on the type of song they wanted to make.

They also distributed phone numbers and joked around a bit. Leo of course kept mostly to himself and quietly ran his fingers over the bruises on his clothed forearms.

"Hey, everyone, why don't we all meet up at my house to talk some more and actually get something done?" Hongbin interjected into the conversation as everybody was packing up.

"That sounds good. How about tomorrow after school?" Wonshik said. Hongbin nodded.

"Yeah, I'm free then. Is that good for everybody else?" Hongbin asked as he slung his backpack over his shoulders. Everybody responded yes.

"Okay, I'll text you all the address in the group chat later. See ya tomorrow!" Hongbin said, before walking out of the room.

Leo watched him and then began to follow, until he felt a hand wrap around his arm.

"Leo." the familiar, sweet voice said. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine," Leo responded, shaking Ken's warm, comforting hand off for what felt like the thousandth time.

He couldn't get closer.

\- - -

Leo didn't have any classes in the morning the next day, so he had no excuses to be out of the house. Hwayoung had taken the bus that day, as she insisted she was a big girl and could get herself to school. Another excuse gone.

So Leo sat in his room as usual, just waiting for Jisoo to storm in with some reason to ridicule him. Leo knew he deserved all the curses that flew from her mouth anyway.

He knew anything that happened was his fault; at least, that's what she told him. She said it so often that the words had been drilled into his head. He couldn't get them out.

_You're stupid._

_You're ugly._

_All you do is take up space._

_Nobody needs you here._

_All you know how to do is ruin things._

Those thoughts pounded through his head like a constant dull headache.

They ran through his thoughts right now, as he stared at his white ceiling.

Leo walked to his bathroom, not wanting to take a shower or get ready. He opened the bottom cabinet door again.

His mind was telling him he should. Telling him that he should do it again.

So he did.

Leo felt the tears dripping out of his coal dark eyes as he watched the red slide down his arm silently.

But he didn't stop until he heard knocks sound from the door downstairs. Leo's head whipped towards the sound and the blade clattered into the sink.

Leo grabbed a bandage and haphazardly wrapped his wrist and pulled down his long sleeves.

"Taekwoon!" He heard Jisoo's voice call from downstairs. Leo froze at the tone of her voice.

It was oddly sweet and happy sounding. Whoever was at the door was obviously someone whom Jisoo couldn't afford to open up to.

Leo walked down the steps slowly, trying not to trip and injure himself even further.

"Ye-yes?" He stammered slightly as he walked over to where Jisoo stood.

She gave him an uncharacteristic smile and beckoned him over.

Leo's eyes widened when he saw the two figures standing in front of his house's front door.

Two police officers were in the open doorway. The taller one had his hands resting on his hips and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

"Hello, I'm Officer Kim and this is Officer Baek, we'd like to speak with you two, please," the tall cop said, gesturing indoors.

Leo tried not to fidget at these words. He tried not to gulp with fear when the officer pointed inside. Leo didn't know what they would find and what the consequences for himself would up being.

But Leo nodded and showed the officers to their somewhat orderly living room. It was the only room Jisoo kept cleaned up, because she knew she had to have one room that looked presentable. She couldn't have people getting suspicious of anything, after all.

Leo sat down in an arm chair while the two men sat on the couch across from him.

"So, you're her son, yes?" The officer asked Leo.

"Yes, I am. I'm Taekwoon," Leo replied. He could feel Jisoo's hard stare and fake smile, telling him he better keep his mouth shut. Or else.

"Well hi, Taekwoon." Officer Baek smiled warmly at Leo. Leo managed a weak smile back, but he doubted that it fooled anybody.

Officer Kim began to speak next, his fingers stroking his chin thoughtfully, "We got some calls about loud screaming coming from this house. Would either of you happen to know about that?"

Leo froze and he felt goosebumps begin to prickle his skin. He suddenly felt colder than ever and Jisoo's piercing glares became even harsher.

"I-Well I was watching some horror movies last night," Leo laughed sheepishly, putting on his mask. He scratched his head with one of his hands.

"I guess I got too scared and screamed too loudly. I'm sorry if I caused too much of a disturbance," Leo said, bowing in an apologetic manner.

The officers looked at each other, wondering if they should believe the explanation. Officer Baek then smiled and stood up.

"Okay, well, try and keep it down next time." Officer Kim pat Leo on the back.

"Of course, I'll try." Leo smiled again, trying to disguise the panic and desperation he was really feeling.

The two police officers walked out the door and made their way to their patrol car.

Leo watched as they drove away, his eyes silently pleading.

And when Leo closed the door and turned around, what he was waiting for finally came.

Leo's screams were silent that morning.

\- - -

Leo went to his two afternoon classes before he had to go pick up Hwayoung, drop her off with Kihyun, and then go to Hongbin's house.

He quickly dropped Hwayoung off at Kihyun's daycare and thanked him politely, as usual. Kihyun gladly took Hwayoung and watched her.

Leo was thankful that he had Kihyun. He didn't know how he would manage if Kihyun had left him too. He surely wouldn't be able to handle everything as well as he did now, if he didn't have Kihyun.

Leo shifted his bag on his shoulders as he walked towards the subway. He looked up the address Hongbin had sent in their group chat and made sure he got off at the right stop.

After twenty minutes, Leo found himself staring up at a large apartment complex.

According to Hongbin's text, he lived on the tenth floor.

And the elevator was broken.

Leo sighed and began the long trek up nine flights of stairs with his aching, bruised body. It may have only taken forever to climb up them.

Leo finally made it to the apartment door and knocked tiredly. The door swung open not a minute later, where Hongbin stood grinning at Leo inside.

"Oh, Leo! You're finally here, we've been waiting for you." Hongbin pulled him into the apartment and made him take off his shoes.

"Sorry, I had some stuff to do that I got caught up with," Leo apologized to Hongbin. He received another smile in return.

"It's fine, it's fine. We're just glad you finally made it." Hongbin chuckled and walked to the living room.

Leo walked in and saw his classmates sitting on the couch and floor, eating snacks and watching TV.

"Leo!" Ken screeched as soon as he saw Leo. He jumped up and ran to engulf Leo in a giant hug. Leo tensed up at the touch, as usual, and waited patiently until Ken was done hugging him.

Leo sat down on the couch next to a slack faced Wonshik. Leo looked at him curiously. He had his phone in his hand but he was staring into space aimlessly.

"Wonshik! Hellllooooo??" Hyuk waved a hand in front of his face.

"Wonshik!" Hakyeon yelled, smacking him on the head.

"Huh? What's going on, is somebody dead, what'd I miss?" Wonshik said in a rush, getting so startled that he dropped his phone on the ground.

"No! Not my phone!" He shrieked, bending down to pick it up. Hakyeon scooped it up before Wonshik could get to it and placed it in his pocket. Leo watched the scrambling men with amusement.

"Eyes off your phone for now, Shikkie, at least until we get some ideas," Hakyeon chided, trying not to giggle at Wonshik's childish pout.

He crossed his arms in disappointment and grunted, "Fine..."

"You guys are so dumb," Hongbin laughed as he turned off the TV. He tossed the remote at Hyuk.

Hyuk caught it easily, saying, "Don't we need our phones to look things up and stuff like that? We gotta get inspiration somewhere."

"He's right, Hakyeon," Ken said, laughing slightly.

Hakyeon looked at them with disdain. "Ugh, whatever. Here Wonshik," He said, handing Wonshik his phone.

Wonshik smiled and took it.

"Anyway~ let's get on with it," Hyuk said, scooting closer to everybody else.

Leo nodded his agreement and took out his own phone.

"Hey, guys, should we have something like, a group name? That'd be pretty cool, right?" Ken said, tapping a finger on his chin.

Hongbin smiled widely. "Yeah, let's do it!" Everybody cheered loudly.

After ten minutes of bickering and debating, the boys finally decided on a name for their group.

VIXX.  **(Haha y'all knew that was coming didn't ya)**

"I like it...it's weird, creative, but I think it fits," Hyuk said.

"Alright, everyone, VIXX on three!" Ken shouted, putting his hand out.

Everyone followed, even Leo, who reluctantly put his hand on the pile last.

"One, two, three!"

"VIXX!" They all shouted, laughing and smacking each other on the back.

\- - -

It was good they were at Hongbin's, because he had lots of equipment they could use. He had a piano, a laptop, a mic, and anything else they might need to compose or arrange their music.

Everyone crowded around the computer where Leo sat, trying to work on the melody.

Wonshik inputted some things and Leo just nodded, trying different things out.

They were experimenting, not wanting to make something mainstream and boring.

Leo was glad he had partners that were easy to work with and didn't push him too much. It made his life that much easier.

He expected them to be loud and obnoxious and constantly harangue him for not speaking that often and being slightly hostile.

But they weren't like that, so Leo was happy.

It was later that night, at maybe 9 p.m., when Hongbin suggested that everyone stay overnight.

Leo agreed with a nod of his head, feeling too exhausted to make the hour trip back. He pulled out his phone and dialed Kihyun's number.

"Kihyun, could you please watch over Hwayoung for the night? I'm not able to pick her up today. I'll be there tomorrow morning," Leo said quietly.

"Oh, sure. I'll just stay overnight at the daycare with her," Kihyun said yes and Leo felt a bit more relieved.

"Thank you, see you tomorrow," Leo said goodbye and hung up.

"Leo, come sit over here! We're gonna watch a movie or two," Ken called from the living room.

Leo walked over to where Ken was and sat down in the blankets that were piled all over the floor. He was sitting next to Ken so he tried to keep his distance. He didn't know when Ken would try and attack him with a hug or a really bad joke.

"Hey, hey, Leo, what movie should we watch?" Hyuk asked excitedly, holding up two DVD cases.

On the left was a One Piece movie...?

Leo didn't really get what that was about.

The other one was Naruto.

Why all the anime?

Leo shook his head at both and grabbed the remote. He saw that Hongbin was already logged into Netflix, so he decided to choose something from there.

"But Leo, I wanted to watch One Piece!" Ken said, trying to look upset. Leo shook his head no again and clicked on a movie he knew they would all laugh their asses off at.

_The Starving Games._

"What's that?" Wonshik asked, crinkling his eyebrows in confusion.

"Hunger Games parody," Leo said curtly, pressing play.

All of them had their eyes focused on the TV screen, genuinely interested in what they were going to watch.

Leo just sat back and watched them combust with laughter.

\- - -

Leo had fallen asleep ten minutes into the movie.

His new friends, if you could call them that, had noticed and were giggling quietly at Leo's soft snores.

"Guys, he looks a lot less angry when he's asleep, oh my god," Hyuk laughed.

"Hyuk, I don't think he's angry, he just has a horrible resting bitch face or something," Hakyeon said, lightly slapping Hyuk on the arm.

Hyuk frowned and rubbed his arm.

Ken watched Leo sleep peacefully next to him. He looked so exhausted when he was awake, like he was a zombie and was struggling to even stand.

He knew everybody else had noticed too, they just didn't say anything.

"Why don't we put some blankets on him? He looks freezing," Wonshik said, shifting over to Leo's other side to pull the blankets up to his chin.

But Wonshik froze in the middle of the action and stared at Leo's arm.

"What's wrong, Shikkie?" Hakyeon asked.

"I think there's blood on his sleeve, guys," Wonshik said worriedly.

Ken's eyes widened at these words. He shot over to Wonshik and pushed him away lightly.

"Move, let me see," he said, pulling Leo's indeed bloody sleeve up.

Ken looked at the bandaged forearm grimly, sadness filling his heart.

"Dammit, Leo..." He muttered.

"Jaehwan?" Hongbin asked, also bending down to see what Wonshik and Ken were staring at.

He gasped at Leo's arms, bandaged and scarred.

"No way...Is he okay?" Hongbin asked.

Ken shook his head. "I didn't think he'd done it in a while," he said sadly.

"You knew, Ken?" Hyuk asked, putting a hand on Ken's head.

"Yeah...but I only found out on accident," He replied, pulling Leo's sleeve back down and covering him with the blanket.

"Okay, well, we should just support him, you know? He doesn't need any grief for it, so let's just not talk about it. Just check up on him now and then, Ken," Hakyeon reasoned, sitting down on the couch heavily.

Everyone nodded.

They were in agreement that Ken was the one that would make sure Leo was always okay.

\- - -


	7. Realizing

The empty feeling in Leo's stomach wasn't there when he opened his eyes the next morning.

He was surrounded by the boys, who were sprawled all over the couch and floor. Ken's head was falling over the edge and his mouth hung open. Light snores escaped his lips.

Leo looked at his sleepy face. Ken looked peaceful and calm. His silver hair stuck up all over the place and fell in his eyes. Leo wanted to run his hands through that silver hair to see if it was really as soft as it looked.

Leo tore his gaze away from the handsome male and stood up slowly. He trudged to the bathroom and closed the door. He made sure to lock it behind him too.

Leaning on the bathroom counter, Leo examined his reflection in the mirror. He looked better than he did yesterday, that was for sure. But his eyes still had dark circles and his face was still tired looking. Leo's tangled red hair fell in his eyes. Leo had had enough. He couldn't stand looking at that damned face anymore.

He unlocked the door and went back to the living room, planning to leave before everybody else woke up. Leo was unlucky though, because Hongbin was sitting up already, scratching his head.

Leo walked quietly to the couch. Hongbin jumped in surprise when he saw Leo.

"Oh, you're up already?" Hongbin asked with a smile.

Leo silently nodded his head and he felt the disgusting feeling clawing at the pit of his stomach for the first time that day.

_'Why is he talking to someone like you?'_

It was like it was speaking to him, telling him that Hongbin wanted nothing to do with him. It made Leo feel worthless and insignificant, and he truly believed he was. The words whispered in his ears were poisonous, just like the words of his only mother.

They were secretly a pair that worked together to tear Leo down, one emotionally, the other physically.

"Hey, are you leaving, Leo?" Hongbin asked as he stood up and stretched.

"Yes."

"So soon? You just woke up. You should stay for a while!" Hongbin said cheerfully, offering a toothy smile.

Leo felt his stomach churn.

"No thanks."

Hongbin frowned for a split second but he shook the expression off his face.

"Yeah, okay, that's fine. We'll call you the next time we meet up," Hongbin said.

Leo nodded and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He felt relieved that Hongbin didn't ask anymore questions.

Maybe his classmates weren't all that bad. But he couldn't involve himself any further, or it would be bad.

Leo walked out the door, ignoring Hongbin's wave goodbye.

\- - -

Leo was finally back at that hellhole he was meant to call home.

He lay on his bed once again, eyes fixated on the dull, cracked ceiling.

He had spent the day with his little sister, taking her to any place she wanted to visit, within reason of course.

The two got ice cream and went to the park and Hwayoung had told jokes that made Leo's lips curve into a small smile.

They had fun, and Leo felt like he smiled genuinely for the first time in months. He was happy in that moment. It felt like a split-second, like it wasn't supposed to be.

Leo wasn't supposed to be happy.

An ominous silence filled Leo's ears, and Leo knew his temporary world of happiness was already shattered.

It was shattered by the crashing of glass on the hardwood floor.

Leo shot up from his spot on his bed and sprinted down the stairs, causing his aching muscles and bones to scream in protest.

"Hwayoung!" He called, sliding into the kitchen.

He saw the scattered glass on the ground first.

And then he saw them, standing just beyond the shards of glass; a small body with a larger one standing above it.

Hwayoung's little face was contorted in pain and tears rolled down her smooth, soft cheeks.

Jisoo held a fistful of Hwayoung's silky black hair tightly. She yanked it in anger and Hwayoung whimpered.

Leo felt something inside him snap, and he suddenly wanted to scream.

So he did.

"Get your fucking hands off of her!" Leo yelled, stalking towards his mother with fury in his eyes.

He grabbed Jisoo's wrist harshly. She looked at him with bloodshot eyes and a horrific grin that taunted him. It was as if she was saying, ' _Do it, see what happens.'_

Leo froze for a moment, all those memories and the pain he endured flooding his mind.

He flinched but only tightened his grip.

"I said, let go of her!" Leo roared, twisting Jisoo's arm back until her bony fingers released Hwayoung's hair.

Hwayoung dashed into Leo's arms, her small body trembling.

"Taekwoonie, I'm sorry, I broke the glass and now Mommy's mad..." Hwayoung bawled, tightening her hands in Leo's shirt.

Leo wrapped his arms around her as he stared at Jisoo. His gaze never left hers.

Jisoo almost flinched at the aura of absolute hatred that radiated off of her son. But she just smirked instead and straightened her posture.

"What's wrong, Hwayoung? Hmm?" Jisoo cooed with mock sweetness in her voice.

"Don't even speak to her, you bitch," Leo growled and pushed his little sister behind him.

Jisoo's expression hardened.

"I'm her mother, Jung Taekwoon. I can speak to her whenever I like."

"You don't have the right to be called her mother."

Jisoo scoffed, laughing under her breath. Leo watched her with caution.

"Okay, fine. I'll remember those words of yours, Taekwoon," Jisoo spat, turning around. Leo watched her stalk out the door and slam it behind her.

Leo waited a few seconds before his body relaxed and he fell to his knees, his head hanging.

"Taekwoonie..." Hwayoung whispered, her eyes watering and her expression sad.

Leo smiled softly and wiped away the dried trails of tears on her pale cheeks.

"It's fine, Hwahwa, I'm just glad you're okay."

\- - -

Leo woke up in his bedroom with Hwayoung snuggled in his arms. He looked down at her sleeping face with affection.

God, he loved her so much. Leo felt his only purpose in this world right now was to protect his precious little sister, because she was all he had left. Even his hope and optimism were gone.

Hwayoung was literally the last thing of worth in Leo's life and he was ready to hold on to her for as long as possible.

Leo stared at the ceiling with her in his arms. His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of Leo's cellphone.

Leo sighed and carefully stood up, still holding onto Hwayoung. He made his way to Hwayoung's smaller pink room and buried her in the warm blankets on her bed. Leo placed a light kiss on her forehead and went to answer his phone.

"Hello?" Leo asked quietly. He forgot to look at the caller I.D.

 _"Taekwo- I mean, Leo!"_  Ken's bubbly voice nearly burst Leo's eardrums.

"Ah, Ken, quieter please," Leo murmured, shaking his head.

 _"Oops, sorry!"_ Ken whispered, chuckling softly.

"What is it that you want, Ken?" Leo asked as he sat down on his bed.

 _"Well, you left rather suddenly this morning, so we were all kind of sad. But hey, I need to talk to you,"_ Kensaid, his voice suddenly taking on a serious tone.

Leo's eyes flickered to his forearm, which suddenly started stinging again.

"What?" Leo deadpanned, bringing his arm into his lap gingerly.

_"Leo, are you cutting again?"_

"That's none of your business," Leo said. He was slightly taken aback by the question. Leo didn't actually know how much Ken had seen that day, when he was at his house.

But it upset Leo that he found out, either way. Getting close to people wasn't something he wanted to happen. And Ken was someone who was slowly creeping his way next to Leo and getting involved with him.

And for some reason Leo's emotional walls weren't as strong as they normally were, and his world was being invaded.

 _"Leo, please, I'm just worried for you,"_  Ken pleaded, his voice calm and quiet.

"I don't need you to be worried for me," Leo said. He felt slightly angry at this. When someone said they were worried, it made him feel like they pitied him. Pity was not what he wanted.

 _"Just let me be worried, Leo. I know we might not be that close but I want to be closer, I want to get to know you,"_  Ken said desperately.

Leo tightened his hand around his phone. He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"I can't, Ken. Don't get close to me, okay?" Leo growled, putting his head in his hand.

_"Leo, I-,"_

Leo hung up on him, letting out a sigh in both sadness and frustration.

"Worrying about me is worthless..." Leo murmured under his breath. He fell back on his bed with a flop and his eyes traced the cracks in the ceiling for the thousandth time.

\- - -

  Leo sat in class and scrolled through his twitter, which he didn't even use. It was just his source of dumb memes that actually made him laugh once in while.

"Leo!"

Leo sighed. This was the third time today that Ken had tried to talk  to Leo.

"What?" Leo grumbled, turning away from Ken's prying eyes.

"Come to the library after school with us! Hyuk and I!" Ken said, staring at Leo with a hand holding his head up.

"No."

"Please~"

"No."

"Come on~, we want to have fun with you, Leo!" Ken pouted, sticking his bottom lip out.

"I don't do 'fun'," Leo muttered, stuffing his phone in his pocket as their teacher called for attention.

"Hmph..." Ken turned forward and looked at the board with sad eyes.

Leo felt kind of bad, but he also didn't.

Leo thought Ken was just wasting his own time talking to a worthless human being like himself.

"Are you sure...?"

Leo nearly fell out of his seat when Ken whispered in his ear again.

"Taekwoon! Jaehwan! Be quiet over there!" Their teacher said sternly from the front of the room.

Leo gave Ken a condescending look and tried his best to pay attention.

Ken snickered quietly and leaned back in his chair.

The bell rang at 11 and everybody slowly filed out of the room. Leo was one of the last ones to walk out when he suddenly felt someone grabbing onto his un-injured wrist.

"We're going this way!" Ken slipped his hand from Leo's wrist to his hand. Leo's eyes widened when his fingers slipped in between Leo's.

He looked at the ground as his cheeks flared with red.

Leo was surprised he didn't pull away at the touch. Usually he wouldn't let anyone touch him unless he was drunk or it was absolutely necessary.

But somehow, Ken's touch didn't feel foreign or uncomfortable. His hand was warm and his skin was smooth and soft.

Leo's heart was skipping a beat, as if it was out of tune.

And he couldn't say he disliked that.

\- - -


	8. Everything I Love

Leo's hand was being clutched tightly.

It had been ages since his hand had been held by someone other than Hwayoung. There was a strange kind of comfort in having your hand held. Leo's heart was pounding out of control but he didn't feel panicked like he usually would if someone touched him.

Ken pulled Leo along, fingers still intertwined.

"Ken, Ken, where are we going?" Leo called. Ken just grinned back at Leo and squeezed his hand. He turned a corner and started walking up the stairs briskly.

"Just come on!" Ken said slyly, flashing Leo a little wink.

Leo nearly blushed, but managed to hold himself back.

It was a long staircase and Ken was dashing up incredibly fast.

"Ken, slow down, or we'll fall-" Leo gasped in sudden pain. His hand tightened in Ken's grasp and he stopped walking.

Ken looked back at him quizzically, "What's wrong? Leo?"

Leo's eyes were unfocused and he whispered in a confused voice, "Fal- fall?"

Ken let go of his hand and in the split-second that they weren't connected, Leo stumbled backwards onto the landing of the stairs. His back pressed against the wall in desperation.

"Leo? Leo?!" Ken was trying to bring Leo's attention back to the present. But Leo didn't see or hear him. 

Memories were rushing through his head, making it pound. 

"Haneu-- Haneul..." Leo's voice shuddered as the name tumbled from his lips.

_The shouting had gotten louder. Worried eyes watched the scene from a doorway._

Leo's whole body was trembling, the memories assaulting him relentlessly. Things he didn't want to think about or even remember were coming in waves, like an alien invasion. 

_"Why did he do it, huh?!"_

_"Mom, it's okay, calm down," her voice was soothing and calm, unlike the other woman's._

_"That fucking bastard, how could he? He has the nerve? To do this to me?"_

_"I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose-"_

_"What do you know!?" She screamed._

Leo gasped, feeling hot and panicked. His heart felt unsteady and his throat was itching, like it was hard to breathe. 

"Leo, breathe, please, breathe. It's okay." That honey smooth voice breached Leo's thoughts momentarily, making him feel lighter. 

_"Mom, please-"_

_"Shut up!"_

_The two figures stood at the top of the stairs; he could see them fighting._

_She reached out to put a hand on the other woman's shoulder. Her hand was shoved away._ _Her body teetered precariously. His eyes widened in fear._

_"Hane-!"_

**_Crack._ **

_The words died in his throat._

_He was so far away from her, but he swore he saw the light in her eyes wink out._

_One second she was there and then all of the sudden, she was gone._

"No..." Leo squeaked, dragging his hands through his hair. 

"Leo. are you with me?" Ken's voice brought him back to reality. 

Chest heaving, eyes glassy, Leo nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Ken." Ken shook his head, "Don't apologize, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not your fault." His warm hand ran up and down Leo's back. His fingers ran over the protruding bumps of Leo's spine in a soothing manner. 

"Are you feeling better now?" He asked quietly. 

Leo's breathing was now returning to normal and the flashing images behind his eyes were fading to black. "I'm okay..." Leo whispered, holding his head in his hands

Ken's smiled softly, his face still creased with worry. "As long as you're okay," he said, standing up. "Can you stand?"

Leo offered his hand, shaking it so Ken knew he was allowed to pull him up. Ken took it and heaved Leo to his feet. Stumbling a bit, still dizzy, Leo fell against Ken's chest. Cranberry locks clashed with silver ones as Leo's head rested on Ken's shoulder. 

"Thanks..." He thanked Ken breathlessly, still trying to make sense of himself and his surroundings. It had been so long since he had a panic attack, especially one like that. 

"Can you make it up the stairs?" Ken asked, wrinkling his brows in concern.

Leo let out a short laugh, "Yeah, it's fine." He murmured, feeling his lips brush against the soft fabric of Ken's shirt. His chapped lips were rough against the soft cotton.

"Okay, let's go. I have something to show you still," Ken smiled, taking Leo's hand in his again. And there was that feeling again; the one that made Leo's heart beat incessantly and rapidly, but in a good way. 

Ken and Leo continued their way up the staircase, this time taking their time and going slowly. 

They went as high as possible, until the stairs that seemed endless finally ended. Leo didn't know where else they could go, until Ken opened the door on their right. 

"Come on," Ken smiled, pulling Leo through the doorway. 

The wind hit Leo right away. It was a pleasantly warm breeze that ruffled his cranberry red hair. Leo's lips parted in awe. 

They were on the roof, hundreds of feet above the city. 

"Up here!" Leo's gaze flickered to Ken, who was standing above the doorway. "There's a ladder over there," Ken explained after seeing the befuddled look on Leo's face. 

"Oh," Leo said, and went over to climb up it. Leo reached the top and stepped down. Ken grabbed his hand and pulled Leo closer to him. 

Leo's coal eyes drowned in Ken's shining, coffee orbs. 

"Isn't it great up here?" Ken asked, tearing his eyes away from Leo and staring down at the sprawling Seoul streets. 

Leo was still in a kind of awe. He'd never seen something this beautiful; the dimming sky lit up by the lights of the streetlamps and buildings. The setting sun turned the sky shades of blue and pink and purple.

It was truly a sight to see. For a moment, Leo felt like he could forget about everything. How blissful would it be to not have a care in the world. 

"Do you like it?" Ken sat down on the cold concrete and looked fondly at Leo's back. His cranberry hair blowing in the wind and his sparkling eyes that were in awe of his surroundings gave Ken the chills. He was so gorgeous and he didn't even realize it.

Ken just wanted to tell him he was beautiful over and over again, but he knew Leo wasn't ready for that yet. For goodness's sake, Leo was hesitant to even speak to him and touch him. 

 Leo tore his gaze away from the sunset and slunk over to Ken's side. Sitting down, he pulled put his phone and snapped a picture of the sky. 

After he put it away, the two sat in silence, simply enjoying the warm breeze. A few minutes passed before Ken spoke. 

"This is my favorite spot in the whole school," Ken explained, smiling lightly and playing with his fingers. He side-glanced at Leo, trying to see his expression. 

"It's beautiful here, Ken," Leo murmured happily, giving Ken a small smile. 

Ken smiled for what felt like the millionth time - not that that was a bad thing - , and said, "Jaehwan."

"Hmm?" Leo hummed in question. 

"Just call me Jaehwan. It's my name, and I somehow feel more comfortable with you calling me Jaehwan," He explained. Leo nodded. 

"Jaehwan." The name felt natural and rolled off the tongue easily. It was a name Leo realized he could never hate saying. It was pleasing to the ear. 

"Yeah, Jaehwan, that's me,"  _Jaehwan_  beamed. Leo felt his lips turning up into a smile.

Jaehwan, Jaehwan, Jaehwan.

And then Leo seemed to realize that he was getting too comfortable for his own good. He was like a thorn in Jaehwan's side already, causing him pain because he was too close. Leo couldn't let that happen. 

He resolved to say goodbye finally. "Thank you for this, Jaehwan," he said, standing and brushing the dust off his pants. 

"Of course, Leo." Jaehwan waved goodbye as Leo turned and walked away. A small pout rested on his face as he watched Leo leave.

It would take time, but Leo' walls were beginning to crumble. Only slightly, but it was happening. 

But Leo wasn't going down without a fight. This thing with Jaehwan was just a spur of the moment. Leo's emotional armor wouldn't allow another breach unless absolutely necessary. 

The one who would have to drag out the vulnerable, soft, and fragile Jung Taekwoon from under all that armor, could only be Lee Jaehwan. 

\- - -

Leo returned to that house after dark. He opened the front door and walked in cautiously and slightly on edge. 

Surprisingly, the lights in the kitchen were on. Leo could here laughter pouring out from the room. Jisoo and her drinking friends were sitting around the table, bottles and shot glasses everywhere. 

Leo was just going to ignore them when he heard a question that made him freeze in his tracks: "How old is your son now, Jisoo?" 

Leo pressed against the wall, trying to keep out of sight. 

He heard Jisoo scoff, "Him? Taekwoon, that lazy ass, he's twenty-one by now." Leo felt sick. His mother could remember his age but not that she ever loved him. Her love for him was long gone. 

"I swear, he just goes to school, and then hides in his room all day," Jisoo drawled, "I 'ought to drag him out and put him to work!" All her friends laughed, commenting about how 'kids these days' were like. 

Leo blanched at her words, covering his mouth with his hand. He couldn't listen to her act like she was a parent anymore. He staggered up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door behind him. 

Beads of sweat had formed on his forehead and he tossed his bag to the bed. Leo himself collapsed to the floor, his chest feeling tight and tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He wrapped his arms around his knees and tried so desperately not to cry. 

He would not cry. 

He would not. 

He would. 

The tears he had been holding in for who knows how long broke free and streamed down his face. Everything had just built up until he couldn't take it anymore. Jisoo's words, calling him lazy and a shut-in stabbed him in the gut. 

Leo was twenty-one and practically raising his seven year old sister alone. Starving some days because he spent all his money to buy Hwayoung food, because their own mother only left enough for some basic necessities. 

Leo wasn't lazy. He was just tired. He was drained, and sometimes just wanted to end it all. But Hwayoung kept him here. He couldn't do what Haneul did to him to Hwayoung. He wouldn't be able to live with himself. 

Sometimes he contemplated telling people, until he realized it would just be counter-productive. Jisoo always found out when he did something. Always. 

Leo was scared into submission, scared into hiding in a shell like a turtle and not speaking to anyone. 

It was better that way. Loneliness often plagued him, but at least he wasn't hurting anybody else.

Leo was sobbing now, his shoulders shuddering and his nose running. 

Leo hadn't noticed she was there until her small hands wrapped around his chest.

"Taekwoonie...please don't cry, or Hwayoung will be sad," she whispered in a small voice, planting her head on Leo's back. 

Leo cried, turning to hold her in his arms. "I'm sorry- I'm sorry Hwayoung. You- Your big brother isn't- isn't strong at all. I'm sorry, Hwayoung."

She just pet his hair calmly, dragging her small fingers through his knotted red hair. 

\- - -


	9. Slowly Killing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter, oops!

Jaehwan.

Leo just couldn't get that name out of his thoughts. It was ticking like a clock in his head, always constant and interrupting the silence Leo usually basked in.

He sat on his front porch now, his phone in hand and his eyes watching the sun burn brightly in the sky. Leo sometimes wished he could be like the sun, always warm and lighting up other people's lives. But Leo was more like the moon, cold and distant and dark.

Leo sighed. His breakdown two days ago tore him apart and he was trying to stitch the shattered pieces back together once more. His emotions were a constant cycle of breakage, reparation, and then breaking again. Leo was ripping at the seams and there was no way he could ever be sewn together again.

Leo continued to stare out at the blue sky, lost in his own world, until a voice jerked him out of his head.

"Leo?" Leo looked towards the voice, his lips parted in surprise.

Leo's stomach twisted in discomfort. "Hakyeon? What are you doing here?" Leo asked, standing up from the steps. Now someone knew where he lived.

"Well, I live in the more developed half of the neighborhood and was just walking down to the library. I didn't know you lived here," Hakyeon explained, gesturing to the house behind Leo.

Leo rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, saying, "Ah, yeah, I do..."

Hakyeon smiled and walked up the drive towards Leo. He panicked slightly and took an urgent step forward, so Hakyeon couldn't get any closer to the house. No one could ever see what happened behind that closed door.

Hakyeon didn't take notice of Leo's apprehension and kept that bright smile beaming. "The boys and I are gonna meet up to discuss our project a little more. Wanna come?" Hakyeon asked, his lips set into a friendly smirk.

Leo looked back at the house. It was a Saturday  and Hwayoung was alone in the house with that woman. Luckily Jisoo was sober in the morning, so Leo didn't have to worry as much. But he still didn't like leaving her by herself, so close to the heart of their torment.

Leo shrugged, opening the door and saying, "Fine, just give me a minute." He left Hakyeon standing on the driveway and crept up the stairs.

He shivered every time he walked up them now, the incident at school still lingering in his memories.

Leo knocked on Hwayoung's door, which was supposed to be pink but was streaked with dents and scratches that removed the paint.

"Hwayoung..." Leo murmured softly, opening her door now and walking in.

The little lamp on her nightstand was turned on and Hwayoung lie on her bed, legs in the air as she read a book. Leo couldn't help but break into a smile at the sight.

Hwayoung noticed Leo and jumped up in happiness. "Taekwoonie!" She squeaked, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Hey, Hwahwa, I've gotta go do a school assignment, can you stay in here until I get back?" Leo asked, his large hand hand on her small head. 

She nodded, snuggling her face into Leo's thin shirt. Leo felt like his heart was going to burst, she was the cutest thing on earth. 

"Lock your door once I leave, okay?" Leo said sternly, "And don't unlock it for her no matter what. I mean that." 

Hwayoung pulled away and smiled, her eyes glistening. "Bye, Taekwoonie. I'll be okay!" She said, waving cutely.

Leo shut the door and made his way back to Hakyeon, who was whistling quietly and looking around aimlessly. 

"Okay, lead the way," Leo said as he approached Hakyeon.

"Great! We're gonna get a ton done today!"

\- - -

Leo definitely regretted going with Hakyeon to that damned library. His stomach twisted into knots and his brain fired off warning signals as he saw Jaehwan sitting at the table in the study room. 

"Oh my god, Leo!" He exclaimed, his lips already parted in the biggest, most dazzling smile he had ever seen. It made him a little dizzy, but he also found himself wanting to see it more. 

"Sit by me!" Jaehwan said, winking and patting the chair beside himself.

Leo was reluctant to take the seat, but Jaehwan's smile was like the sun, and Leo gravitated towards that warmth instinctively. He found himself plopped down in the chair, legs crossed, hands in his sleeves, and eyes most definitely looking down. 

"Well, VIXX meets again, everyone. Are we ready to knock this song out of the ball park?" Hakyeon asked, leaning on the table.

"Yeah!" Sanghyuk was the only one who cheered.

Wonshik snapped to attention as he felt Hakyeon's glare on him. "Oh, uh, woohoo?" He managed, with little enthusiasm. 

Hakyeon sighed, closing his eyes. Leo found it kind of amusing but tried not to show it. "Thanks, Wonshik, for being oh-so-excited," Hakyeon droned, annoyed.

"You're welcome."

"Kim Wonshik, I oughtta-" Hakyeon started, getting out of his seat, his hand raised. 

Leo flinched, even though Hakyeon was nowhere near him and was obviously headed for Wonshik. 

"Hey, hey, Hakyeon, let's calm down." 

Leo looked up in surprise at that honey-voiced boy, who was currently pushing a resistant Hakyeon back to his own seat, away from Wonshik. 

Leo felt himself relax, and he let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. Leo felt that same comforting, warm hand he had come to know on his shoulder.

"Hmph, Jae, you should've let me punish him!" Hakyeon pouted, leaning over and pulling out a giant binder with papers sticking out of it. Leo's eyebrow quirked up slightly; he was completely baffled. How much work did Hakyeon do already?

"Holy shit, Hakyeon, what the hell is all this?" Hongbin laughed in disbelief, picking up the overflowing mess and dropping it on the table with a loud bang. 

"Hey!" Hakyeon screeched, "That's my hard work you cretin!"

Wonshik snorted and pulled it over to him, rifling through the papers. He had made a stack, and when he was done, the stack was bigger than the binder.

Leo tried not to laugh as Ravi silently picked up the pile and proceeded to throw it in the trashcan, "This- " he said pointedly, "is stuff we do not need."

Hakyeon's jaw seemed to be on the floor and his spirit looked like it had left him. "Pfff, Wonshik, I can't believe you just did that," Sanghyuk laughed, clutching his side. 

Wonshik shrugged and Leo had to put his hand over his mouth to keep a laugh from tumbling out. Leo shook his head, finally letting the little giggles escape. 

"They're idiots, aren't they?" 

Leo turned to see Jaehwan sitting next to him, arm around the back of Leo's chair. His eyes were trained on the four that were laughing and fighting with Hakyeon, and his lips were curved up fondly. 

"Yeah," Leo replied, snapping his head the other way, so he didn't have to meet Jaehwan's eyes. Jaehwan chuckled at his movement and Leo turned back in question. His head was cocked to the side in the cutest way, like a curious puppy. 

Jaehwan put his hand on Leo's head and pushed back his messy red bangs. 

He smiled that dazzling smile again, and Leo swore his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. 

"You're cute, Leo," Jaehwan giggled, wiggling closer to Leo's side. Leo was about to move away, but his defenses failed and the walls came tumbling down. He, in fact, didn't move away, but let Jaehwan get closer than Leo had ever let anyone get before. 

Jaehwan simpered, his fingers rubbing a piece of Leo's dark cherry hair, "And I bet your smile is out of this world." Leo was baffled and slightly confused to why anyone would say something like that about him. 

Ugly, useless, stupid Jung Taekwoon. 

Who could like someone like him?

"Uh, Jaehwan, is there a reason you're saying these things to me?" Leo's giggly, soft and happy mood was gone as quickly as it came, like the morning dew.

Jaehwan noticed, but didn't say anything about the faded look in Leo's eyes that he thought no one could see. Instead, Jaehwan shrugged it off and made it seem like he didn't notice. 

"Mmm, I just thought I should tell the truth," he said, giving Leo a wink. 

Leo tried to cover the sudden blush that attacked his cheeks. Oh, he was so bad at dealing with these kinds of situations. 

But with Jaehwan, it seemed like they were endless.

\- - - 

"Okay, Leo, we need you to sing so we can see how good you are," Hongbin said, smiling encouragingly. 

Leo was currently in a not-so-great situation. He forgot that nobody else besides Jaehwan had heard him sing, and now they were asking him to show his skills. Leo was incredibly shy about his singing ability, even though it was one of the few things he loved about himself. 

He just couldn't take the stares, whether they were admiring or disappointed. 

"Leo, come on, it's for the project!" Sanghyuk whined, stomping his foot and pouting. His dark blue hair bounced against his forehead as he jumped up and down. 

"Hey, guys, don't push him! He's really good, trust me! He's just super shy, you know?" Jaehwan advocated for Leo, who refused to even speak a word to any of those who tried to make him sing.

Hakyeon let out a big puff of air, "Look, Leo, I don't want to force you, but you have to do at least some work, okay? I know you might not like singing in front of others, but if you don't, all you'll have done is help make a bit of the melody. This is a group project, remember?" Hakyeon explained, trying not to get too frustrated with the situation.

But those words struck Leo like little knives, and he felt like his insides were crumpling. He just wanted to disappear and never have to see anyone ever again. 

Leo's face fell. "I'm sorry," he whispered, lacing his fingers together tightly. He was starting to realize that being silent and keeping to himself wasn't going to get him very far. He would have to talk to them, he would have to collaborate with them, or his only chance to get away from Jisoo - college - would be gone down the drain. If his grades plummeted, he was done for.

Leo was realizing that he had to try and interact more often. Life without proper human interaction wasn't really living at all. 

Leo's protective walls weren't really protecting him anymore: they were killing him from the inside-out. 


	10. I Know I Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention that the chapter titles are the lyrics to a ONE OK ROCK song called Taking Off!

**Jaehwan**

Leo 

Jae sees the "read" times  
Taek sees the "sent" times

_\- - -_

**Hey**   
_read 12:45_

 

what do you want 

                                                                                                           

**D: I had no clue that Leo would have no regard for grammar**

shut it                                                                                                                          

**:P**

those emoticons are irritating

**:o**

hey

stop

**Okay okay I'm done**

good

**So, Leo~**

**Do you wanna go to the mall with us?**

not really

**Come on Leo! It'll be fun!**   
_read 1:06_

**Leo?**   
_read 1:06_

**You there?**   
_read 1:06_

i...  
 _sent 1:17_

fine  
 _sent 1:18_

 **Yay**!

**Meet us at 2 at XXX Mall near the foodcourt**

alright

**See you then! Mwah!**

\- - -

Leo couldn't believe he had agreed to this.

Here he was, sitting at a table in the middle of the food court because this stupid, stupid man named Lee Jaehwan had convinced him he should.

His thoughts from the library incident had propelled him to make the disastrous decision of hanging out with that bunch of bumbling idiots again. Damn his conscious.

Leo sat in the chair at the table quietly, tipping his chair back so that it only stood on the back two legs. He closed his eyes, waiting for Jaehwan to text him that him and the others were there.

"Wah!" A loud voice screamed in Leo's ear.

Ears ringing, Leo toppled over onto the floor. He smacked his head on the tile and groaned in pain. His elbow collided particularly hard and sent pain radiating up his whole arm.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Leo!" Sanghyuk shouted in horror. Jaehwan stood behind him, clutching his stomach with laughter.

His twinkling, adorable laugh— wait, who was adorable? Not Jaehwan.

Leo rubbed his head as he sat up. His cheeks burned with the glares of the other people surrounding them.

"It's okay," he replied, patting Sanghyuk on he head once he had dusted himself off. Sanghyuk pouted.

The blue-haired male sighed and turned to Jaehwan, who was wiping fake tears from his eyes.

"Phew, Leo, you really got me there," He said, clapping Leo on the shoulder.

Leo flinched as the hand came in contact with a bruise. He shrugged off the pain and offered Jaehwan a small smile.

"Yeah," he managed. He grabbed his bag and slid it over his shoulders.

"Well, it's just Sanghyuk and I today. Hopefully it won't get too dramatic and crazy," Jaehwan said, laughing.

Leo hummed, feeling a fuzzy warmth in his stomach. He felt like smiling, so he did. He let that smile spread across his cheeks and reveal his perfect white teeth.

He was feeling like letting go today.

\- - -

Jaehwan's jaw nearly dropped.

Because oh my fucking god—

Leo's smile was heart-stopping.

It was gorgeous, and Jaehwan felt like he was going to faint from the pure beauty of that smile.

He loved it. He loved Leo's smile, the way his teeth were exposed and how his eyes turned into little crescent moons.

Jaehwan began falling at that moment; or maybe it was before, but he finally realized it. His heart pounded like a hammer in his chest. It wanted to escape the confines of his rib cage and leap out, but Jaehwan wasn't letting that happen just yet.  

"Okay, guys!" Sanghyuk began, thrusting a fist into the air, "Let's gooooo!"

Jaehwan laughed, his head still filled with the image of Leo.

He turned and grabbed Leo's hand, giving him an impish grin.

Leo's eyes widened and his lips formed an "O" in surprise. Jaehwan just smiled wider.

They stopped in a small clothing store first, and Jaehwan forced Leo to try on massive sweaters and skinny jeans. Leo bought four different color sweaters, with Jaehwan's money of course, because Leo had none.

"I'm sorry for making you spend so much money on me, Jaehwan."

Jaehwan just smiled at him. "It's my pleasure. You look cuter in these," Jaehwan said.

Leo blushed, averting his eyes from Jaehwan's.

It went on like this: Jaehwan and Sanghyuk would drag Leo to a store, make him buy something with their money, and then move on to the next.

They almost skipped over it, but Leo's eyes caught the words on the sign.

"Oh. My. God." He said, his dark eyes going big and round.

Leo rushed to the window in excitement; Jaehwan stared in confusion.

"What is it?" Sanghyuk asked, taking the question right out of Jaehwan's mouth.

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk approached from behind Leo, who had his hands pressed against the glass.

"Look at them, Jae. They're so cute!" Leo gushed.

And Jaehwan fell a little bit more.

Jaehwan finally looked through the window. There were fluffy little puppies inside the store, and Leo was going absolutely bananas for them.

"Let's go inside," Sanghyuk chimed, opening the pet store's door.

Leo gasped in excitement, dashing inside after Sanghyuk. Jaehwan darted forward behind the two, his own giddiness about puppies getting the best of him. Leo was crouched on the ground, his fingers poking through the plastic holes in the puppy pen. The look of awe and wonder on his face was mesmerizing and adorable.

The little dogs were fuzzy and had the smoothest golden coats. They tumbled over one another in an attempt to reach Leo. 

"Do you want to play with them? You can, for a small fee," a lady, who Jaehwan assumed was an employee, asked.

"Can I? Yes!" Leo squealed, eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. 

Jaehwan was living for the ecstatic look on his face and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Of course. It's only $5."

Before Leo's face could fall because of his lack of money, Jaehwan pulled out a five and handed it to the employee.

"Here. It's just for him," Jaehwan said, smiling fondly at the surprised cranberry-haired male.

"Ah...Jaehwan...are you sure?" Leo asked, kneeling on the floor in front of the cage.

Jaehwan just smiled again, his fingers gravitating to Leo's feathery hair. "Of course." Jaehwan pushed those red locks back behind his ear. Jaehwan tried to keep his heart from jumping out of his chest as another smile broke out on Leo's face.

"Okay, come here," the employee beckoned to Leo and he stood up to follow her. He glanced at Jaehwan, hesitating slightly, but turned to follow the lady when he saw Jaehwan's reassuring nod.

"So, I guess Quiet-Boy has a soft side too, huh," Sanghyuk's voice came from next to Jaehwan. His lips were upturned in a smile, his eyes laughing.  

Jaehwan snorted and smacked Sanghyuk on the shoulder playfully. "Hey, don't call him Quiet-Boy, jerk," Jaehwan said.

"Hmm, but it's true." Sanghyuk kept prodding Jaehwan in the side, and Jaehwan was starting to get annoyed. 

He pushed Sanghyuk's pinching fingers away from his waist and looked at him with annoyance building in his eyes. "Sanghyuk, you better watch yourself!" Jaehwan threatened. 

Sanghyuk giggled and ceased his teasing. Jaehwan sighed and shook his head. His gaze fell on Leo, sprawled on the floor with puppies crawling all over him. A loud laugh -- the first real laugh Jaehwan had ever heard -- escaped Leo's lips. 

"Sanghyuk..."

"Hmm? What is it, Jaehwan?" Sanghyuk asked. 

"I think I'm in fucking love," Jaehwan breathed, feeling Sanghyuk stiffen beside him. 

Jaehwan could hear the tension in his voice when he spoke next, "Are...are you sure that's OK, Jaehwan?" Sanghyuk sounded worried. 

"No-," Jaehwan started, his eyes trained on the child-like man before them, "no, I don't think it is." Jaehwan gulped; he'd seen what those words could do. They could destroy people, tear down their whole world, ruin them.  

"Have you, maybe, considered talking to J about this?" Sanghyuk asked, staying in the same spot. His head stayed facing forward, but Jaehwan could sense him holding himself back. 

"I haven't had the chance. I just realized it recently." Jaehwan didn't want to talk to him. J would just butt in, and that was something Jaehwan didn't really want. Jaehwan rubbed his face, feeling like all the energy had drained out of him now.  

"Jaehwan..." Sanghyuk said, his teeth gritted and his eyes closed. "You should talk to him. No- you  _need_  to talk to him."

"I don't want to, Sanghyuk. I just don't want to," Jaehwan snapped, his eyes flaring up in anger. 

Sanghyuk winced, knowing he had to tread carefully when Jaehwan was angry. "I respect your decisions, Jaehwan, but you and J are pa-"

"Jaehwan?" Sanghyuk cut his words off abruptly with the arrival of Leo. 

Jaehwan smiled tightly, trying to keep a pleasant looking expression on his face. "Hey," he said, waving a little. 

Leo's face was still happy, but the moment he sensed Jaehwan being apprehensive, the small smile melted off his face. 

"Is everything okay?" Leo asked, his face becoming slack and void of his previously happy state. Jaehwan internally freaked out, because Leo must have noticed his change in demeanor, and shrunk back into his shell. Leo was probably blaming himself for Jaehwan's mood.

"Yeah, yeah, we're good. You ready to go?" Jaehwan tried to reassure Leo,  but he knew himself that he had failed miserably.

Leo responded with a nod and his eyes flickered back to the puppies momentarily, before he opened the door and walked out. 

Jaehwan sighed tiredly. He beckoned for Sanghyuk and they both followed after the other man, steps brisk and expressions worn out. 

 - - -

It had been days since Leo spoke to Jaehwan and the others. He sat at the bar, swirling his drink around in his glass. 

He wasn't quite sure what had happened that day at the mall. Jaehwan had pulled him out of his protective little shell for a moment, but it had all come crashing down when Leo saw his face. 

He was finally ready to leave the puppies he had been so joyfully playing with, but the expression on Jaehwan's face was not what he had been expecting. Jaehwan's eyes were filled with annoyance and irritation when Leo first saw them. 

Leo immediately assumed it was his own fault. He had never seen Jaehwan make a face like that before, and it honestly scared him a little. Leo, who didn't know the whole situation, blamed himself for the look in Jaehwan's eyes. 

People were so often annoyed with him, so he didn't find the expression itself odd at all. It was just odd seeing it on Jaehwan's. 

Leo sighed, downing the rest of his drink. When Jaehwan looked at him like that, he felt his heart crumple. 

He realized it hurt more than when his own mother stared him down, fury and wrath in her gaze. 

Leo realized he didn't want to ever see that expression on Jaehwan's face again. 

\- - -


	11. We're Taking Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this back when i had horrid writer's block, so it's a filler and very very short! apologies!

  
  
_Jaehwan._

That name flashed at the top of Leo's phone screen all weekend.

He really didn't know what to do anymore, he was lost, and as usual, all he had in his mind was fear. And Jaehwan. Just a little bit was filled with Jaehwan.

Fear ruled over Leo with an iron fist, always holding him in its grasp and squeezing the life out of him.

He was scared that the person he had opened up to was going to leave him again, just like all the others.

It was the same scene; Leo lay on his bed and stared at the same cracked ceiling, with the same thoughts running through his head.

Well, they were mostly the same.

Now, he couldn't stop thinking about Jaehwan.

What did he feel for him?

It was starting to make him anxious. Leo was going over the boundaries he had set for himself.

Leo dragged a hand over his face and sat up, his eyes flitting to the small electronic keyboard in the corner of his room.

He walked over and pulled it out of the corner, setting it on the rumpled covers of his bed.

He flicked the ON switch and watched as the colorful keys sprang to life.

The keyboard was a present Haneul had gotten him for his 8th birthday. Leo loved it almost as much as he had loved her.

He had stumbled over learning the piano at first, his fingers and hands to short and small to reach every key he wanted to. Haneul helped him learn and her support was always there.

Leo pressed a key and the clear sound of the note resonated in the empty room. Leo smiled softly, pressing a few more keys.

He loved this, sitting in his room and doing what he loved most; he wished he could do it for the rest of his life.

But fate was surely cruel to Leo.

\- - -

Jaehwan's fingers flew across the keyboard, eyes flitting to the black screen of his iPhone every now and then. Leo hadn't answered any of his calls; there were dozens, all ignored.

Jaehwan was getting distracted from the work he was trying to do. Worried thoughts of Leo flooded his conscious.

He let his head fall into his palms, a tense sigh escaping his lips. Jaehwan rubbed his face tiredly and stared at the emails on his computer screen.

The chime of his doorbell made Jaehwan flinch back against his black office chair. Another sigh, and he rose out of his seat to answer the door.

Jaehwan padded down the hallway, glancing over the colorful array of frames decorating the plain wall.

A soft smile formed on his face as he saw the newest addition to his collection. A photo of Leo, a photo that Jaehwan had secretly taken that day on the roof.

Leo's dark red hair was bright against his pale skin, falling in soft, short waves. His face was turned the other way, eyes probably taking in the gorgeous scenery: the purple and pink and blue sky that his body was framed against.

Jaehwan felt like he could even see faint stars hanging in the sky above Leo. Jaehwan smiled again.

The doorbell rang again.

The smile slipped off Jaehwan's face when he opened his apartment door, a frown replacing it.

"J...what are you doing here?" Jaehwan's jaw went slack in surprise. His big brown eyes widened as J forced his way in the house.

Jaehwan shut the door and followed J, hot on his heels. "J, I-,"

"Don't even start."

Jaehwan closed his mouth, pressing his lips into a straight line.

J turned on Jaehwan, eyes disappointed and worried. Jaehwan stood as still as a statue. His feet were glued to the hardwood floors, his eyes trained on the grain of the wood.

"Hyuk told me. What are you doing, Ken?" J said, his strong arms crossed over his chest. His usually smiling face was upset.

Jaehwan sighed heavily and plopped himself onto the black leather couch in his living room.

"There's nothing I can do, J. What do you want me to do? I can't...I can't just put a stopper on my feelings," Jaehwan said, his voice tightened with emotion; he gulped, trying keep himself composed.

J sat down across from him, rubbing his palms along his thighs in distress. "I don't want you stop feeling things, Ken. But this? You know it's against the rules." J's eyes bore into Jaehwan's, showing him he wished it could be different.

Jaehwan stood up, exasperated, "The rules?! Fuck the rules!" Jaehwan curled his fingers into a fist and hit his chest. His coffee brown eyes were dark and stormy and sad.

"I have my own rules, J. You know that," Jaehwan's voice quivered. He pounded his chest again. With glassy eyes, Jaehwan stared J down. "I will  _not_ give up on him. You hear me? My heart won't let me," Jaehwan's throat felt thick, his voice nearly cracked; he couldn't do this. "I don't care if he doesn't love me back. I don't care if something happens to me."

Jaehwan clenched the fabric of his shirt, begging the tears to stay, to not fall down his pale skin. 

"I fell so fast, J...," Jaehwan whispered, his tone soft and voice barely audible, "not even a second seemed to have passed before I realized I was so in love with him it hurt."

"Ken..." J said, pulling the shaking male into his arms. Jaehwan couldn't keep it in anymore and let the tears slip out. J's shirt was damp with Jaehwan's tears. 

"I'm sorry, J, I'm sorry I had to fall for him. I'm so - I'm so sorry."

J  let a sad smile slip onto his face, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Ken. Don't cry, it's not your fault." The tall male rubbed soothing circles on Jaehwan's shoulder blades, waiting until he calmed down a bit. 

Jaehwan sat like that for several minutes, just letting himself cry. He was so surprised with himself; how could he really fall for someone he barely knew so fast? 

When all the tears were finally out, Jaehwan pushed away from J's loose embrace. He smiled weakly, his eyes puffy and red from the tears. "Thanks for at least being here, J," Jaehwan said softly. 

J returned the smile and pat Jaehwan on the back. "Of course. Just...think a little bit about what I said, okay?" Jaehwan nodded. 

He then felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Jaehwan fished it out and looked at the caller ID:

_Leoeoeoeo ♥_

Jaehwan's face broke into a smile. Leo was finally calling him back. He sneaked a glance at J, who was giving him a questioning look.  _'Is it him?'_  J mouthed. Jaehwan shook his head yes and slid his thumb across the screen to answer. 

"L-"

 _"J-Jaehwan...I'm so- I'm so sorry,"_ Leo cut Jaehwan off, hiccuping. 

"Leo, what's wrong?" Jaehwan asked, his voice laced with concern. He switched his phone to his other hand and gave J a dark look. He nodded and ran out the door, closing it softly behind him. 

A sob broke through the speaker of Jaehwan's phone, _"I...I need you."_


	12. Together

Jaehwan ran.

He ran to his car and threw open the door and proceeded to throw himself inside.

With trembling fingers, he started the car. His legs were shaking with anxiety.

Jaehwan was panicking inside, his brain focused only on the worst and not at all on the best. He sped through the streets, not even caring if he was pulled over at this point.

He just didn't want to leave him alone. Alone, surrounded by darkness.  A darkness with horrors untold and danger lurking in every corner.

"Goddammit, please be okay," Jaehwan shuddered, clenching his teeth together. His fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter.

_"_ _I_ _need you"_

Words Jaehwan had only dreamed would slip out of Leo's mouth.

He was glad Leo turned to him; and he was worried because what could have finally caused him to say those words?

Jaehwan attempted to take a deep breath.

He exhaled deeply, staring at the road in front of him.

_He'll be fine, Jaehwan._

Shaking his head, Jaehwan stepped on the gas a little harder.

\- - -

Jaehwan dashed up the concrete steps of Leo's front porch. His hand reached for the knob, only to find the door was already ajar.

"What...?" Jaehwan asked in confusion, grabbing the tarnished metal and pushing the door wide open. He peered into the dark hall that was displayed in front of him.

There were almost no signs of life, except the flickering light at the top of the staircase.

Jaehwan shivered, an ominous feeling settling over him. His eyes ran over the cream colored walls, covered in odd scrapes and scratches.

Jaehwan was a little disturbed as his gaze found a shattered bottle near the wall in front of him. Its green glass glinted as the outside light shone onto it.

"Leo?" Jaehwan finally called out softly, tearing his eyes from the dark house. Jaehwan listened closely, shutting the door behind him.

He didn't hear a thing. It was too quiet for Jaehwan's liking.

He decided to walk up the stairs, praying they wouldn't creak with his weight.

"Leo?" He asked again, voice echoing through the hallway. His feet reached the landing at the top of the stairs.

The upstairs hallway was even darker. Black shadows roamed the corners and white walls stared back at Jaehwan with frightening blankness.

Jaehwan had never been in a house that had felt so little like a home. It was prison-esque; empty and lonely. The beaten up paint on the walls was scary and Jaehwan understood Leo. He understood why he refused to call this place home.

He knew there were other reasons too, but Jaehwan shivered just being there.

Jaehwan's apprehensive eyes found a pink door, looking as if it was bludgeoned. Dents littered the pale pink wood, chipping the old paint off and revealing the oak underneath.

"Leo? Are you here?" Jaehwan called again, cringing as his voice echoed in the empty corridor.

No response. Jaehwan was about to move towards the door at the end of the hall when the beaten up pink door swung open.

"Who's Leo?" A small voice asked.

Jaehwan looked down at the tiny, black haired girl in front of him. Her big, black eyes stared back at Jaehwan with startling curiosity. Her eyes still shined like the night sky.

Jaehwan smiled, lips quirking up bittersweetly.

At least the twinkle in her eyes hadn't died yet.

"Who are you, mister? Are you looking for my big brother?" the little girl asked, holding the door open wider.

Jaehwan caught a peek at her room, and smiled from the warmth it exuded. Pink, adorable, and teeming with blankets and stuffed animals.

Jaehwan knelt down into a crouch, placing his elbows on his knees. He gave Leo's sister a warm smile.

"Ah, yes sweetie, I'm looking for your big brother Taekwoon."

She smiled softly, liquid welling up in her eyes.

She pointed at the door adjacent to hers. It was even rougher looking than her own, and Jaehwan knew.

Her little forehead crinkled up in worry. "He's in there. Taekwoonie is in his room," she said, sniffing and rubbing at her eyes.

"Thanks hon. Go back to your room now, okay?" Jaehwan said, pulling himself to his feet. He stroked her long black hair softly before turning on his heel.

"Mister?"

Jaehwan turned back at the sound of her soft voice.

She looked up at Jaehwan with a pleading look, eyes shiny. Her small fists were clenched at her sides.

"What is it, cupcake?" Jaehwan asked in a gentle tone.

"Please protect my big brother. I know he needs it more than I do. Please please please, Mister!"

Jaehwan's heart ached. This little girl was selfless and caring, Jaehwan could see how much she loved Leo.

Jaehwan flashed a reassuring smile at her. "Don't worry, I'll protect him no matter what."

She wiped her eyes and gave a small smile. "Th-thank you."

Jaehwan nodded and turned back towards Leo's bedroom door. He reached a hand out, fingers grazing the knob. He hesitated, but then grabbed the knob and wrenched the door open.

"Leo? Leo are you in here? Where are you?" Jaehwan spoke into the grayish light.

"Jae..."

Jaehwan whipped around the room, eyes searching for the body the voice belonged to.

"Leo? Hey, where are you?"

Jaehwan shut the door behind him and flipped on the light switch. He couldn't see a thing, it was so dark in the room.

A head of tousled red hair peeked above the other side of the bed. Jaehwan's eyebrows wrinkled in concern.

He crept over, crawling onto the bed and behind Leo's figure. He sat on the ground, drowning in an oversized sweatshirt and head resting on the side of the bed.

"Hey..." Jaehwan murmured, putting a hand on Leo's shoulder. Leo flinched away from his touch. Jaehwan gripped his shoulder tightly, pulling him back.

"You asked for me. Don't run away."

Leo dropped his head, still not turning to look at Jaehwan.

"Leo, what happened?" Jaehwan asked, putting a hand lightly on Leo's head.

"Don't call me that anymore," Leo said, voice thick and raspy.

Jaehwan blinked in confusion, eyeing Leo with a befuddled expression. "You mean Leo? Don't call you that anymore?" Jaehwan questioned.

"Taekwoon is my name. I  _hate_ it...but she found out."

Leo choked on his words, shaking his head, eyes shut tightly. "Jisoo, she- she heard me practicing," Taekwoon managed through the tears that were now streaming down his face.

He pointed a finger at the fallen keyboard. Jaehwan's heart nearly shattered at the sight of the ripped music sheets and scattered papers.

Leo was hiccuping now, the tears and sobs pushing their way to the surface. Jaehwan shuffled closer to him, wrapping his arms around Leo's shoulders.

"Let it out." Jaehwan whispered, resting his head next to Leo's.

"And she, she heard me singing- she heard me singing so she came in and she slapped me," Leo cried, grabbing a fistful of his shirt with his hand. Leo inhaled a sharp breath, trying to calm himself down.

Jaehwan knew Leo hadn't actually told him anything yet; he knew he had to act somewhat confused. He couldn't tell Leo he already knew of the abuse he suffered through.

"Jisoo saw the name Leo written on the top of my paper- and she realized I hadn't been going by my real name. She was so angry, she ripped everything." He explained quietly after calming down somewhat. He rested his head against Jaehwan's arm, eyes fluttering shut.

"I'm so tired, Jaehwan."

Jaehwan just sat there hugging him. He waited ten minutes, waiting for an opportunity where he could properly ask Leo what was going on.

"Hey, Leo-"

"Taekwoon. Just call me Taekwoon, now." Taekwoon screwed his eyes shut, as if saying the name made his head hurt.

"Okay. Taekwoon, does she do this often? Is Jisoo your mom?" Jaehwan asked, shifting his body onto the floor so he could properly face Le- no, Taekwoon.

Taekwoon' s eyes were red and puffy. Dried tear stains covered his soft cheeks, lips were cracked and dry like the Sahara desert.

Jaehwan lowered his eyes sadly, saying, "You don't have to explain. I just want...to be here for you, and understand."

"No...I think I have to say something, Jaehwan."

Jaehwan stayed quiet, but grabbed Taekwoon's hand. Jaehwan moved Taekwoon's fingers apart gently and intertwined them with his own. He squeezed.

Taekwoon took a shuddering breath.

"You were...you were right, Jisoo is my m- she's my, my mother." Taekwoon glanced at the ceiling, trying to keep more tears from surfacing.

Jaehwan kept quiet, knowing he should let him talk.

"It was ten years ago that it started. It wasn't bad at first, she just screamed at us. Hwayoung and I," Taekwoon sniffed, his voice quiet.

"And it's just gotten worse for me. I've tried to protect her - Hwayoung. Jisoo hits me and kicks me and makes me feel horrible about myself and I just want it to stop!" Taekwoon almost shouted, his voice rising higher with each word. Jaehwan had never heard Taekwoon's voice so loud before.

"It's escalated a lot the past few years. She makes me feel so sad, Jaehwan." The anger had dissipated and now Taekwoon's voice was thick with sadness and the tears were back.

Taekwoon smiled bitterly, fingernails digging into his palms. Jaehwan just squeezed the hand he was holding a little tighter.

He laughed a little. "I'm so pathetic, aren't I? I try so hard to keep people away from me but they hurt me anyways. I try so hard to stay strong but she breaks me anyways."

Taekwoon slumped down a little, head hanging. Jaehwan noticed how sweaty Taekwoon's hands were.

Taekwoon lifted his eyes to meet Jaehwan's. His dark eyes swam with sadness, the black an endless abyss.

"Is there anyway for me to be happy? Will you abandon me too, Jaehwan? Will I be unable to protect Hwayoung?"

"Taekwoon..." Jaehwan whispered.

Taekwoon was full on sobbing now, "I'm better off- better off dead aren't I?"

Jaehwan's eyes widened to the size of saucers. He grabbed Taekwoon by the shoulders and turned him gently.

He wiped the falling tears from Taekwoon's pale face with his thumb. "Don't you dare say something like that, Taekwoon. Never. There are people in the world who need you: me, the boys, and especially your little sister. Being gone isn't going to solve anything," Jaehwan said sternly.

Taekwoon nodded a little, sniffing and wiping his nose.

"Keep living, even if it hurts. Live for yourself and for those that do care for you."

Jaehwan pulled Taekwoon into his chest, an arm wrapping around his back. His other hand stroked his soft hair, fingers gently carding through the cranberry red strands.

Jaehwan could feel his shoulder being soaked with tears, but he really didn't care anymore. Taekwoon had opened up to him; Jaehwan could help him now.

"Shhh...you're stronger than you think, Taekwoon," Jaehwan whispered, still calmly petting his head.

Taekwoon hiccuped, a high-pitched sound that made Jaehwan wince with sadness. "I try to be strong, Jae..."

Jaehwan nodded.

"You are strong, honey, you are strong for others when they can't be. You can't be strong all the time, it's true, but you've kept fighting all this time, Taekwoon," Jaehwan spoke quietly, "so you can't give up now."

\- - -

Jaehwan's words made Taekwoon's heart feel lighter. His whole body actually felt lighter and he felt as if a giant weight had been lifted from him.

Before, he was comparable to the god Atlas, holding up the weight of the whole sky and heavens. His shoulders were heavy, so heavy he could barely breathe. And now Taekwoon felt better.

He could breathe again.

He was glad; glad that he talked to Jaehwan and told him the secret he'd been trying to hold in for so long.

Taekwoon finally let himself be held.

And he had to admit. It felt really fantastic.

Taekwoon and Jaehwan sat there like that: Taekwoon in Jaehwan's arms, for what seemed like hours.

Jaehwan felt warm, longing to be with Taekwoon a little longer than he'd like to admit.

Taekwoon felt a sad buzz in his chest when Jaehwan had to leave.

Taekwoon snuggled in his blankets that night, actually feeling the cold for once. He missed Jaehwan's warmth, missed his soothing words and calm smiles. He missed his thin but strong arms. He missed the smell of Jaehwan's silvery swath of hair. He smelled like honey and the sweetest of chocolates.

Taekwoon missed the feeling of Jaehwan's fingers intertwined with his.

He missed his obnoxious laugh, the exact one he'd been avoiding for a week.

Taekwoon even missed the annoying way Jaehwan was constantly bothering him and poking him.

Taekwoon realized he never wanted to be without Jaehwan again.


	13. Even Though

**Cool VIXX** **dudes** **™️**

_chachacha_ : hello friends

 _devilincarnate_ : shut up Hakyeon

 _chachacha_ : that's no way to speak to your hyung Hyukie D:

 _dimpleboi_ : Hyuk reigns over you Hakyeon, just give in

 _chachacha_ : give in to what???

 _taekmeon_ : all those question marks hurt my eyes

  
 _babyhwan_ : quiet guys the vocal god has spoken!!!

 _taekmeon_ : vocal god...

 _chachach_ a: listen here

 _mybuttisbetterthanyo_ u: but no one wants to listen to you Hakyeon

 _taekmeo_ n: wonshik why is your screen name about butts?

 _mybuttisbetterthanyour_ s: oh!!! he's my dog!! butt!!!

     

 _taekmeo_ n: oh my god he's so cute

 _babyhwa_ n: but Taekwoon aren't I cuter?

 _taekmeon:_ not a chance

 _c_ _hachach_ a: SILENCE YOU IMBECILES

_taekmeo_ n: ...

 _dimpleboi_ : jeez Hakyeon no need to be so angry

 _chachach_ a: listen,,,

 _chachach_ a: I'm just stressed bc we have two days left till our performance

 _babyhwa_ n: but aren't we done???

 _taekmeo_ n: yeah...

 _devilincarnat_ e: r u concerned over your own abilities

 _mybuttisbetterthanyou:_ dang roast him Hyuk

 _chachach_ a: zip it

 _chachach_ a: I just think we should have one more extra practice before the real thing yknow??? just in case!!

 _taekmeo_ n: idk if I can make it...

 _chachach_ a: I just like feeling reassured okay??

 _babyhwa_ n: don't worry about it Taekwoon. you're fine

 _devilincarnate_ : Jaehwan

 _babyhwa_ n: be quiet Sanghyuk

 _mybuttisbetterthanyo_ u: okay everyone stop fighting. let's just meet at the music center to tomorrow before class and we can go over things once more.

 _dimpleboi_ : finally someone steps in and says something mature...somewhat...

 _mybuttisbetterthanyou_ : what are you implying??

 _dimplebo_ i: nothing you hoe

 _devilincarnat_ e: ooF

 _chachach_ a: okay, music center at noonish, be there

 _dimplebo_ i: or be square

 _chachach_ a: shut up, you're the only NCTzen here

 _taekmeo_ n: everybody should be an NCTzen

 _dimplebo_ i: ^^he's right. I love an intellectual

 _babyhwa_ n: okay sure, see you guys later

\- - -

Taekwoon tossed his phone on his bed and walked to his closet. Maybe he would go to the last minute practice after all.

He wanted to get out of the house a little early, even though she wasn't home.

Taekwoon was beginning to enjoy the feeling of the late winter wind on his skin, the bite of the cold, the flurries of snow that landed in his hair and melted on his warm skin.

The closet door creaked on its hinges. Taekwoon looked through his few clothing choices with little interest.

But his eyes lit up when he saw the sweater that Jaehwan had bought for him at the mall. He pulled it out, fingering the soft fabric of the sleeves. It was a fuzzy, pink sweater, with long sleeves and frayed edges.

Taekwoon smiled. It was something he was doing more lately. And he liked it a lot.

Taekwoon pulled off his white t-shirt and slipped the oversized sweater on, the softness feeling cozy against his bare skin.

"Ah..." Taekwoon sighed in content. It was a really nice sweater. The fact that Jaehwan bought it doubled the niceness it exuded.

Taekwoon snuggled into the fabric and grabbed his backpack from his chair. He unzipped it, checking for his music sheets and books for later classes.

He smiled a small smile again. He hoped today would be a good day.

\- - -

 

Taekwoon tossed his bag on a chair in the music room and sat down. He was the first one there, the rest of the room was silent, empty.

His eyes spotted the grand piano in the corner of the room. A sleek black object, shiny and almost new looking. Taekwoon made his way over to it.

He dragged his fingers across the polished instrument, feeling each key. Taekwoon sat down on the bench and stared at the piano with fascination. Pianos were the most gorgeous instrument in the world to him.

The twinkling notes it produced were always stunning to him. They resonated with him. Taekwoon put his fingers in familiar positions, poised to play.

He wanted to play.

So he did.

It was a song he composed himself; something he did to soothe himself.

The soft notes echoed in the large room, lulling Taekwoon into a happy smile.

He played to the very end of the song, his eyes closed in bliss. Taekwoon loved this: the music, the feelings, the happiness.

When he finally removed his hands from the keys, he heard loud clapping. He turned in surprise.

Jaehwan was clapping incessantly, a huge grin on his face. Hakyeon and Hongbin were there too, not clapping quite as loud, but their smiles were bright and admiring.

Taekwoon felt his heart swell. He blushed profusely, looking down at his hands shyly.

It was Hakyeon who spoke first, "Hey, that was amazing, Leo!"

Taekwoon smiled a little. "Uh, thank you." Then he realized Hakyeon had called him Leo.

He looked up at Hakyeon nervously. "Oh, Hakyeon, do you mind just calling me Taekwoon now?"

Hakyeon smiled, shaking his head, "Of course, Taekwoon. No problem."

"Thanks..." Taekwoon murmured. He stood up from the piano bench and went back to where his bag was.

The door flew open and slammed against the wall with a bang. Taekwoon nearly had a heart attack.

Hyuk strutted in, arms spread wide. "Your emperor has arrived!" He shouted, a shit-eating grin on his face.

Hongbin walked up from behind him and smacked his head. The look on his face was annoyed as he rolled his eyes.

"Oh stuff it, Hyuk" Hongbin chided, "you're so loud." Hyuk frowned, dropping his arms and rubbing his head softly.

"You're so mean Binnnn!" He whined, walking into the room and sidling up next to Hakyeon.

"Hakyeon, you'll be nice to me right?" Hyuk pouted, putting out his cheeks in an attempt to look cute. He latched onto Hakyeon's arm, burying his face in his shoulder.

Taekwoon snorted at that. Hyuk whipped his head towards Taekwoon, eyes narrowing. "Shut up Taekwoon, I deserve love!" Hyuk said, leaving a frozen and flustered Hakyeon struggling to get his papers out of his bag.

"Han Sanghyukkkkk!" Jaehwan shrieked. "Get away from my man!" Hyuk scurried away at the sound of Jaehwan's screams.

Taekwoon would have laughed if it weren't for Jaehwan's word choice. His man.  _Oh god,_ Taekwoon thought,  _he called me_ _his_ _man..._

So instead of laughing, Taekwoon his his burning face in his palms, eyes averted from the men around him.He was flushed from the odd pet name, if he could even call it that.

After Jaehwan nearly tackled Sanghyuk to the ground, Wonshik walked in and yelled at them to shut up. "I'm having a bad morning!" He whined, rubbing his face with his hands. His coffee nearly sloshed out of its cup as he sat down with a huff.

Clapping his hands, Hakyeon sat down as well. "Okay! Are we ready kiddos?" His voice tinkled with joy and his eyes shone brightly.

Everyone nodded. "Let's have a good practice everyone! We'll be great at the showcase tomorrow!" Hongbin cheered, throwing his hands in the air.

The boys set themselves up, exactly the way they would the next day, and then they started.

Hakyeon began, singing the first soft notes into the mic. His voice reverbed through the acoustics of the music room. Taekwoon smiled at the sound of his voice. He'd heard it before, but it still impressed him.

Hakyeon kept singing until the part was handed off to Hongbin, whose deep tone could give everyone goose bumps. Taekwoon really liked this: doing something he loved with people he liked.

Taekwoon was supposed to sing the chorus after Jaehwan. When Taekwoon heard Jaehwan's voice he nearly fell out of his chair.

He straightened himself, putting a hand on his pounding heart. His dark eyes stared at Jaehwan with wonder sparkling in them. Taekwoon's skin was covered in goose bumps, his mouth hung open in amazement. No, Jaehwan's voice wasn't the best he'd ever heard. But there was something about it, the emotion that it held, the way he sang the lyrics Taekwoon had written.

Taekwoon fell in love with his voice the moment he heard Jaehwan humming months ago but hearing him sing caused his heart to feel like it was going to burst.

Taekwoon blinked rapidly, holding on to the mic tightly as that soft voice filled his head. He snapped himself out of the trance; his part was coming up next. Taekwoon took a deep breath, feeling a little better about this. Everyone already knew what he sounded like, so the pressure didn't get to him as much as it would have before.

Taekwoon belted out the chorus, voice strong and steady. His heart swelled with happiness. He was able to sing now, with no restraints. Taekwoon was ready to go all out.

The boys finished off their practice strongly and confidently.

"Good job, boys! I'll see you tomorrow in class all right?" Hakyeon said brightly as he swung his bag over his shoulder. Wonshik grumbled, tossing his coffee cup in the trash by the door, "Yeah, yeah, we'll do fine. Bye."

Taekwoon pulled his backpack onto his shoulders. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned, startled a little. Sanghyuk was standing behind him, smiling softly. He gave a little wave. "Hi, Taekwoon," he said, his voice sounding as if he was fighting to stay calm.

"Y-yeah, what's up, Sanghyuk?" Taekwoon mumbled. For some reason he felt he had to be wary of Sanghyuk all the sudden. Sanghyuk's tone of voice made him feel scared. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, too, that made him feel that way.

Sanghyuk glanced around them, not seeing anybody still there: not even Jaehwan, which was surprising. "Sit down," he said, gesturing to the chairs beside them. Reluctantly, Taekwoon sat down.

Sanghyuk put his elbows on his knees, fingers laced and face blank. "Let me ask you one thing. Can I?" Sanghyuk asked, eyes raised to look at Taekwoon with a small bit of contempt.

It wasn't the exact look his mother looked at him with, but the similarity made him shiver. Taekwoon rubbed his arms nervously. "S-sure, I guess..." he replied. A shaking hand tucked a loose strand of red hair behind his hair.

"What do you feel about Jaehwan?"

Taekwoon stopped a little, flustered by the question. "I...w-well I think he's pretty nice," Taekwoon said, trying not to blush from the thought of Jaehwan smiling brightly at him.

Sanghyuk huffed, mumbling something under his breath that Taekwoon didn't quite catch. He shook his head and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Whatever it is, don't get close to him, okay?" Sanghyuk said, pointing a finger at Taekwoon.

Taekwoon blinked, feeling the old mask tugging on his sleeve insistently. It wanted to go back on, to push everyone away from him again. Taekwoon nodded slowly, his heart suddenly feeling like stone, weighing heavier than ever before.

"Just stay awa-," Sanghyuk began, but was cut off when a hand grabbed his upper arm. He whipped his head to look at Jaehwan.

"Sanghyuk. What are you saying to him?" Jaehwan asked, voice hard. He squeezed Sanghyuk's arm, causing him to wince.

"I just-," he started, hurt seeping into his voice.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Don't you dare say a word to Taekwoon, Sanghyuk. Ever," Jaehwan scolded, eyes smoldering with anger. He turned to Taekwoon, eyes softening.

"I'm sorry," Jaehwan said, tone soft, "he didn't mean anything he said, Taekwoon. He's just worried."

Taekwoon nodded, heart feeling less cold than it had before.

Jaehwan smiled crookedly, grabbing Sanghyuk by the wrist as he tried to scurry out discreetly. "We'll see you tomorrow, Taek. Okay?" Jaehwan waved one last time, before turning and dragging Sanghyuk out.

Taekwoon nodded, watching the two leave. When he was sure they had left, he crouched on the ground and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Taekwoon was so confused, he didn't know what had just happened. Why did Sanghyuk ask that? Was there something Jaehwan was hiding from him?

Taekwoon couldn't really say anything about secrets though, as he had some of his own. But now his heart was inching back into its cage. And for once, Taekwoon didn't want to retreat.

\- - -

Jaehwan dragged Sanghyuk out of the music room and outside, behind the building.

"Just what did you think you were doing, Sanghyuk?" Jaehwan seethed, expression letting Sanghyuk know just how angry he was.

Sanghyuk felt bad at first, but now that Jaehwan was attacking him, he felt his own anger bubbling in the pit of his stomach. His brows wrinkled. "I was just trying to protect you!" Sanghyuk hissed, dark brown eyes watery with unshed angry tears.

Jaehwan stared at him, a dumbfounded look overtaking his features. A mocking smile cracked on his face and he let out a doubtful laugh. "Protecting me? By trying to drive away the one person I love? The only one I've ever truly loved?"

Sanghyuk lowered his gaze, fists clenched.

Jaehwan paced back and forth. "That's not what I call protection, Sanghyuk!" He cried, waving his arms hopelessly.

"Doing this will jeopardize the whole mis-," Sanghyuk was cut off for the third time that day.

"Do you think I'm focused on that? Do you think I care about that anymore? I'm not set on following everything exactly the way I was supposed to, Sanghyuk," Jaehwan said, eyes blazing.

"I care too much about him to let this mission fail now. Are you happy? I'll still be getting my job done, just this time, I'll have actually saved someone."

Sanghyuk just stared, shaking his head. "You're crazy, Jaehwan. It's not gonna work," he said, trying to plead with his best friend. Jaehwan was stubborn though. Sanghyuk knew deep down it was impossible to convince Jaehwan otherwise.

Jaehwan stared at him, bristling.

"Even if everything seems hopeless, I will save him."

\- - -

 

  
  



	14. We Always

 

_Taekwoon opened his bedroom door a crack and peeked through timidly. His eyes moved back_ _and_ _forth,_ _observing_ _the two figures with worry._

_He_ _was_ _tempted to enter the hallway fully, but he_ _knew_ _he might just make things worse._

_"Mom, are you okay?"_

_Haneul's soft voice drifted_ _up_ _the stairs, barely reaching Taekwoon. But he heard it._

_Their footsteps were getting closer, walking down the hallway towards the stairs._

_"No, Haneul, how the fuck could_ _I_ _be okay?" His mother spat, her tone bitter_ _like_ _venom._

_Haneul came into Taekwoon's line of sight. Her long, ebony_ _hair_ _that was always so_ _beautiful_ _, looked windswept and_ _messy_ _._

_"I know_ _it's_ _only been five months, Mom, but can't_ _you_ _see that he's not coming back?" Haneul_ _said_ _, voice shaking a little._

_Their mother whipped_ _around_ _, stringy brown_ _hair_ _slapping against her pale skin._

_Her eyes shined lividly, "Don't say that. After having three of you disasters, how could he just leave me here?" she seethed._

_Taekwoon felt his throat burn from the effort it took not to cry. Was he really a disaster? Did his mom really_ _hate_ _him_ _?_

Their  _mother turned around_ _again_ _, stalking up the stairs with Haneul on her heels._

_Haneul pleaded_ _with_ _her as they walked up the_ _stairs_ _, feet_ _pounding_ _on the hard wood._

_Taekwoon gulped as they yelled and fought. He_ _wanted_ _to do_ _something_ _, help Haneul, keep_ _his_ _mom away._

_Taekwoon_ _wasn't_ _stupid, he knew his mom had been hitting her, harming her. He was powerless to do anything._

_"Mom, plea-!" Haneul started, but a_ _scream_ _rang in_ _Taekwoon's ears._

_"Shut up!"_

_Haneul's_ _face_ _crumpled_ ,  _dark eyes shining with tears. She carefully tried to put a hand on their mother's_  shoulder.

_Taekwoon barely blinked before he saw the slap coming. His mother's hand met Haneul's cheek, stinging her skin._

_Taekwoon watched with wide eyes as his big sister's head_ _snapped_ _back from the impact._

_He watched as her hand slipped off her mother's shoulder._

_He watched as Haneul lost her balance, arms flailing and trying to catch herself._

_He watched as her thin body tumbled down the_ _stairs_ _._

_CRACK._

_Taekwoon was so far away from her but he felt so close at the same time._

_So close that he could see the light die_ _in_ _her eyes, fading into oblivion. Her eyes would twinkle like stars_ _before_.  _Now that was gone, like the star had died and become a black hole. Something inside him cried out at the sight:_

_The sight of his world falling to her death._

_Taekwoon felt like he was suffocating, he_ _couldn't_ _even breathe her name._

_He let himself fall to his knees, the door he was holding on to slamming against the wall._

_His eyes flicked to his mother,_ _who_ _was standing stock still at the top of the_ _stairs_ _. She didn't look broken at_ _the_ _sight of her oldest daughter crumpled below her, neck lolling at an odd angle._

_Taekwoon_ _crawled_ _on his hands and knees, lips shaking with_ _unspoken_ _cries._

_His voice suddenly broke_ _through_ _, a hoarse whimper of her name._

_"Ha-Haneul..."_

_He stumbled down the_ _instrument_ _of her death,_ _slipping_ _and sliding_ _on_ _the_ _hardwood_ _._

_The tears wouldn't stop now, rushing down his face like a dam had broken._

_He stumbled down next to her limp figure and grabbed the hand that was quickly turning cold._

_"Haneul, Haneul, Haneul," Taekwoon chanted her_ _name_ _like a mantra, his_ _chest_ _burning_ _._

_"Taekwoon, get up."_

_Taekwoon_ _blocked_ _her out, ignoring the monotone_ _voice_ _calling his name. He just wanted to stay by Haneul's side, not next to the monster that destroyed his sister in seconds._

_"Taekwoon. Call an ambulance, now."_

_"No! She's already gone, it's already too late," Taekwoon screamed, screwing his eyes shut. There was nothing he could do to bring her back._

_His mother stomped down the steps and into the_ _kitchen_ _, ripping the phone off the wall and_ _dialing_ _the police._

_Taekwoon felt himself burn with hatred as she attempted to make herself sound_ _heartbroken_ _. Like she actually cared._

_"Hello, 119_ _, my daughter just- she just." Taekwoon watched_ _with_ _angry eyes as she_ _slapped_ _a hand over her_ _mouth_ _, as if she was_ _trying_ _to keep a sob in._

_His mother continued, "She fell down the_ _stairs_ _, she_ _slipped_ _, and_ _I_ _don't think she's going to be - okay."_

_Taekwoon wanted to hit her,_ _punch_   _her, then scream at the police and doctors that his big sister was pushed._

_"Yes, okay, I'll be waiting right here, thank you so much, thank you."_

_Taekwoon sat_ _back,_ _slumping_ _against the wall, eyes staring at the_ _front_ _door._

_His mother hung up the phone, hanging it back on the receiver. She made her way back to her children, looking at them with contempt._

_"Taekwoon,_ _I_ _want you shut your_   _mouth, don't say a thing when they get here."_

_Taekwoon felt like he was in a haze, so he just nodded mindlessly. He didn't think he could muster up the courage to speak out against his mother anyway._

_He watched wordlessly as she went to the bathroom and made herself look tear-stricken and heart-broken._

_Taekwoon_ _couldn't_ _believe_ _her_ _. His little heart was_ _shattered_ _into_ _pieces_ _. Every event was like another blow to him: the first crack came from his father's absence, the second crack from his_ _mother's hatred._

_This was his breaking point. There was only so_ _much_ _a twelve_ _year_ _old could handle_ _before_ _everything_ _fell apart._

_The_ _crack_ _that shattered his heart into a thousand pieces was that his big sister, his rock, was gone forever._

_Taekwoon_ _wasn't_ _an overly emotional kid. He_ _smiled_ _a lot_ _but_ _he_ _didn't_ _cry too much. His mother used to_ _become_ _angry with him for crying. Training himself to stay strong and keep the tears from falling was something Taekwoon had ingrained in himself_ _years_ _ago._

_But this was too much for him and his mind broke down, all his thoughts scattered in his mind._

_Taekwoon felt her foot kick him. "I swear Jung Taekwoon, if you do not_ _stand up_ _right_ _now,_ _I'm_ _not going to just stand still," she growled, eyes flitting to the window. She was watching for the police in the corner of her spite-full eyes._

_With shaky legs, Taekwoon_ _pulled_ _himself_ _up. His sweaty hands were_ _plastered_ _to_ _the wall behind him, as if it was his safety net. It was the only thing_ _keeping_ _him_ _from_ _falling to his knees again._

_She ripped_ _Taekwoon's a_ _rms away from the wall, gripping his_ _wrist_ _with an ironclad hand._

_Taekwoon whimpered as he felt skin twist against skin._

_"Stop your crying, it's_ _embarrassing_ _," she yelled as she dragged Taekwoon across the hallway. He stumbled after her, blanching when he nearly tripped over Haneul._

_He slapped a clammy hand over his mouth, trying to keep_ _his_ _cries inside. He was thrown into the dining room with force._

_"You stay right there," his mother said venomously, before slamming the door behind her._

_Taekwoon heard a knock on the door._

_Knock._

_Knock._

Knock.

Knock.

Taekwoon's eyes snapped open. The pattern of cracks painting the ceiling stared back down at him.

He sat up slowly, head pounding. Taekwoon passed a shaky hand through his sweaty, cranberry hair.

"Oh, god," he breathed out.

It had been months since he'd last dreamed of that day. He always woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and trying not to cry.

That was the day his sister died. The first time his mother hit him instead of Haneul. The 5 month mark since his father left his mother and she spiraled into darkness.

The pounding in his ears felt like it was getting louder.

"Taekwoon! Are you home?"

Maybe it wasn't actually his head that was doing that.

Throwing back the covers, Taekwoon stumbled out of bed. Goosebumps immediately prickled his skin. He felt freezing, even though he was drenched in sweat.

He took his time walking down the stairs. The incessant knocking on the front door was beginning to get on his nerves though.

Taekwoon wrenched the door open, staring meanly at whoever was making such a racket.

Jaehwan stared right back, eyes bright and smile shining happily. Taekwoon envied that happiness a little bit. He softened when Jaehwan giggled and pulled Taekwoon out if the house with a grin.

Jaehwan winked, saying, "Come on lazy bones, the showcase is in three hours!"

Taekwoon frowned, not knowing why Jaehwan was pulling him outside. "Why are you here then? I've got three hours," Taekwoon said, pouting and taking his arm back from Jaehwan's clutches.

Jaehwan smiled yet, ruffling his own silver-gray locks with a hand. "So? Let's walk around town before we go to class!"

"But I'm not dressed," Taekwoon said in quiet protest.

"Then go get changed! Do you want help with your hair? Or makeup? I'm good at those - "

Taekwoon held up a hand for Jaehwan to stop, closing his eyes. "Okay. Just follow me, and be quiet."

Jaehwan nodded enthusiastically, following Taekwoon as he stalked inside.

\- - -

Taekwoon fingered his now soft, straight red hair. He was bewildered at how Jaehwan got it to look like this, since it had been months since Taekwoon had done anything nice with it.

"Doesn't it look good?" Jaehwan beamed, peering into the mirror from behind Taekwoon.

"Y-yeah, it does," Taekwoon said shyly, twirling a piece with his fingers.

He walked out of the bathroom and plopped on the edge of his bed. Jaehwan followed, smiling brightly.

Taekwoon watched him, almost mesmerized by the twinkle in his eyes. Suddenly that smile slipped off Jaehwan's face.

"Jae? What is it?" Taekwoon said.

"Taekwoon."

Taekwoon froze, slowly turning to face the person in his doorway. He didn't even hear the door open.

Jisoo's scraggly dark hair framed her face and there were dark eye bags underneath her dull irises.

Taekwoon didn't say anything, just turned his gaze down towards the floor.

"Who's he?" She asked, gesturing towards Jaehwan's figure with her hand. A hand that held a beer can.

Taekwoon stood up, holding his hands to keep them from trembling. "He's my friend," Taekwoon said meekly, biting his lip.

Jisoo scoffed, rolling her eyes. A smirk unfurled on her lips as she directed her gaze back to Taekwoon. "You? Have a friend?" Mocking laughter pealed from her throat. 

The laughter and smirk were gone in a second though, replaced with droopy eyes and a blank face. "Yeah, right. Whoever he is, I want him gone, now." She turned and slammed the door behind her, rattling the frame.

Taekwoon collapsed to his knees, closing his eyes. Jaehwan put a hand on the back of Taekwoon's head and crouched down in front of his shivering figure.

"Hey. Hey, Taekwoon," he said softly, moving to cup his face with a gentle hand. Jaehwan's eyebrows were scrunched in worry, lips pressed together in concern. "Hey, look at me, Taekwoon."

Taekwoon looked up reluctantly, eyes shiny like obsidian. Jaehwan smiled as their eyes met. He caressed Taekwoon's cheek with a thumb. "We're gonna get out of here in a minute. Okay?"

Taekwoon nodded, saying quietly, "We're lucky she was sober." He wiped his face with the back of his hand. A tired sigh, and Taekwoon put his hand on top of Jaehwan's. His eyelids fluttered shut again, but this time out of contentness and not fear.

"I know, Taekwoon," Jaehwan whispered, gathering Taekwoon's thin body into his arms. Taekwoon pressed  his forehead into the crook of Jaehwan's neck, enjoying the warmth he gave off.

Taekwoon didn't feel as cold anymore in Jaehwan's arms, hugging his worries away.

"Can we go, Jae?" Taekwoon asked, lifting his head to meet Jaehwan's warm gaze. He searched Jaehwan's eyes for the answer.

"Yeah, come on," Jaehwan said, standing up and taking Taekwoon's hand in his. Taekwoon suppressed a small smile. He really loved having Jaehwan's hand clasping his own.

Taekwoon grabbed his bag from the floor as they exited the bedroom and let Jaehwan pull him outside.

"We've got an hour and a half! How long does it take to get to the school's music hall from here?" Jaehwan asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

"About forty-five minutes," Taekwoon responded.

"Oh shit, that's a long time. I was hoping we could do something to get our nerves out."

Taekwoon eyed him curiously. "We still could. You being here makes me less nervous anyways..." Taekwoon said, nearly whispering the last sentence.

Jaehwan's eyes gleamed with happiness and he broke out into a huge smile. "Really? I'm so glad!" Jaehwan said happily, throwing his arms around Taekwoon's shoulders.

"You know Taekwoon, don't listen to all the bullshit that woman spews. You deserve friends, you're smart, and sweet underneath all those walls," Jaehwan murmured, intertwining his fingers with Taekwoon's.

Taekwoon shook his head in disbelief. "There's no way, Jaehwan..." he said, scoffing a little.

Jaehwan squeezed his hand. "You know what else you are?"

Taekwoon shook his head, listening as the cars on the street next to them whizzed by. The sun was in his eyes, but when he looked next to him and saw Jaehwan's coffee colored eyes illuminated in the sunlight and his silver hair shining, he could care less about being blinded.

If Taekwoon could have frozen time he would have.

"What am I, Jaehwan?" He asked, when Jaehwan said his name again.

"You're the most gorgeous person I've ever seen."

Taekwoon nearly choked and his face turned as red as his hair. Him? Gorgeous? He was flabbergasted at how anyone could think he was anything of the sort.

Jaehwan grinned, letting go of Taekwoon's hand as he skipped ahead. "Catch me if you can, beautiful," he swooned, winking and turning his back on Taekwoon.

Taekwoon's cheeks were burning, but he felt his face breaking out into a smile. "Come back here Jaehwan, you're gorgeous too!" Maybe Taekwoon believed Jaehwan a little.

He broke out into a run, chasing Jaehwan down the sidewalk despite the old aches in his legs and side, and despite the bruises on his feet that throbbed a little when he walked.

Usually Taekwoon would have stopped already, unable to take even that small amount of pain. But it was almost as if he couldn't stop, like he had to chase Jaehwan. He wanted to. Wanted to keep up with the first person to delve into his life and be there.

And for a split second, Taekwoon felt really, really happy.

\- - -

They had forty minutes left when they got there, out of breath and breaking out into little fits of giggles.

As soon as Hakyeon walked into view, Taekwoon didn't let himself laugh anymore. He had let Jaehwan in, but that didn't mean anyone else would force their way inside his walls.

Jaehwan gave Taekwoon a wry smile and rubbed him on the back. Taekwoon still had that niggling thought in the back of his head that letting anybody be near him was a bad idea.

It wasn't his fault, but the fault of those that made him this way. Closed-off and seemingly ice cold.

Hakyeon approached the pair with a smile. "What's up guys? Are you ready for our big day?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Taekwoon decided a lot of people he knew did that eyebrow thing.

"Oh yeah, ready to crush all the competition!" Jaehwan growled playfully, hitting the palm of his hand with a fist.

The three men walked backstage and sat down in a little circle. "Yeah, so, it should just be our class watching this little thing, considering it's one of our many projects throughout the year," Hakyeon explained quickly when he noticed Taekwoon fidgeting by himself.

Taekwoon nodded, satisfied with that. "Where are we in the lineup?" Taekwoon asked quietly, picking at the skin by his fingers. 

"Second," Jaehwan piped up. Taekwoon nodded again, a little nervous again, but still excited too. 

"Your emperor has arrived yet again!"

Sanghyuk waltzed towards them, dragging a grumbling Wonshik beside him. "And I'm being manhandled like this. I don't deserve this treatment you shitty emperor," Wonshik complained, hitting Sanghyuk on the arm unhappily. 

Sanghyuk sniffed and let Wonshik go. "Fine peasant, do what you please." He sat down next to Hakyeon, and Taekwoon could see that he was completely avoiding Jaehwan's gaze. It must be about what happened two days ago. 

"So, uh, have you guys seen Hongbin yet?" Hakyeon asked after he was done reprimanding Sanghyuk for being a little devil. 

Sanghyuk rubbed his head, frowning. "I think I saw him outside Starbucks, but I'm sure he'll be here soon," Sanghyuk said as he poked Wonshik in the side. 

Hakyeon sighed, getting up and sitting in between the two children. Sanghyuk was next to Jaehwan now, gulping with nervousness. "All right, as long as he gets here in time. I don't want points taken off because one of our group members doesn't show up," Hakyeon said as he settled down in his new spot. 

Taekwoon knew Hongbin would be there, there was no way he'd miss it. Hongbin was a dedicated guy, even though he was a little nonchalant sometimes.

"Speak of the devil, there he is!" Sanghyuk squeaked, pointing. 

Hongbin frowned. "It's rude to point, Sanghyuk," he said, slapping him lightly on the head. "How much time do we have left?" Hongbin asked Taekwoon, whom he had sat down next to. 

"Uhh," Taekwoon began, glancing at the clock, "ten minutes." Hongbin nodded, cracking his knuckles. "Thanks, Taekwoon," he replied. 

Taekwoon just bowed his head a little to say no problem, and turned to watch the clock tick down the seconds. Any minute now, he'd be doing something he dreamed of for years but was never brave enough to really try. Pulling his eyes away from the clock, Taekwoon found himself staring at Jaehwan again. 

His chest felt so warm when he though about him or looked at him. He loved it, it made him feel happy. Maybe he really liked Jaehwan a lot, too. 

Taekwoon was almost sure about that. 

\- - -  

"Uh, VIXX, you're on in two," the stage manager told them, holding his clipboard awkwardly. 

"You ready, kiddos?" Hakyeon asked, grinning widely. Everyone nodded. Taekwoon rubbed his palms together and took a deep breath. Everything was going to go well, he wasn't going to mess up and they'd do well.

"You're on!" 

Hakyeon nodded and brought everyone into a tight circle. "We got this everyone, okay? Be confident and trust in each other, everything will be amazing!"

Taekwoon smiled and grabbed a mic from the stage manager, thanking him quietly. They got this. 

And with that, they all walked onto the stage and sang their hearts out. 

**(I chose the group version and then the Keo version just as a bonus for anyone bc, after all, this is a Keo book oof. It was also hard to find a group version so here's the lyric video)**

\- - -

Taekwoon was so relieved, and happy, and pleased. They did well, they did amazing, actually. Taekwoon was so absorbed with this that he didn't notice Jaehwan slipping an arm around his shoulder while they were walking down the stairs. 

"So-" Jaehwan started, but was interrupted by Taekwoon's screech of surprise. 

Taekwoon nearly toppled over, but Jaehwan caught him before he could. Taekwoon felt his heart flutter in his chest as he stared into Jaehwan's dark brown eyes. It was something he didn't expect to feel and it had him questioning.

"T-thanks, Jae," Taekwoon said, using Jaehwan's shoulders to pull himself upright again. Jaehwan smiled and dusted off Taekwoon's shoulders. 

"Anytime, gorgeous," Jaehwan said, and walked off with a wink that left Taekwoon speechless and his heart beating a million miles per hour. 

He really needed to figure this out now...

\- - -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter i have written so far!! hope everyone is enjoying, and await the next update soon (i hope)


	15. Crash and Burn

It was another morning, and Taekwoon didn't have the feeling in his stomach again. He felt a smile break out onto his face. Although it wasn't big, at least it was a smile.

He burrowed into the covers of his bed, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his texts with Jaehwan. His chest felt warm and fuzzy while looking at Jaehwan's messages.

Taekwoon was starting to realize that he might have a little bit of a crush on Jaehwan. His cheeks burned when he thought of the incident after the performance. Jaehwan caught him as he fell, swooping him into his arms softly. Taekwoon had to admit; he'd become a little smitten.

Taekwoon was about to giggle when the door to his room swung open, the door knob smashing against the painted drywall. Taekwoon scrambled out of his sheets, hiding his phone underneath his thigh.

Jisoo stood in the doorway, her eyes burning into Taekwoon's skull. Taekwoon shrunk into himself, trying to get as far away from her as possible.

"Don't run away from me punk," she snarled. She stomped over and grabbed a fistful of Taekwoon's hair.

She looked at his hair with disdain. "What a disgusting color..." she mumbled. Taekwoon winced as strands of hair were tugged until they were completely taut.

"Listen to me now, you little fucker. You're going to clean this entire house, floor to ceiling, and when my friends come over, you're going to sit nice and pretty in the living room and pretend to be a good son. Do you understand?" Jisoo hissed, holding him tightly by one of his shoulders.

Taekwoon nodded, holding his whimpers in as she dug her nails into his skin. "I understand. I'll do it..."

She forcefully let him go, pushing him forcefully into the headboard of his bed. "And get your little sister ready too. If you don't finish by 4 o'clock, you're dead to me."

With that, she slammed the door and walked down the stairs. Taekwoon shut his eyes tightly, shuddering harshly. Ten hours to clean the whole entire house. He was going to have to bust his ass to finish by four.

Taekwoon opened his eyes, sighing. He had to get started.

\- - -

After slipping on a pair of sweatpants and a tank, Taekwoon gathered all the cleaning supplies he could find in the house and put it on the kitchen table. He realized he was going to have to clean every room in the place. It had been so long since he'd been in certain parts of this house. Mostly bad memories kept him from venturing far from his room.

He filled bucket with water and soap and got the mop out. He vacuumed before mopping all the wooden and tile floors as best he could. He kept his eyes down every time he saw Jisoo, not wanting to make her angry. Taekwoon knew what it was like when she was angry.

As he dusted all the wooden furniture in the living room, Taekwoon wondered how Jisoo had been fooling all the people she knew. All she did was go to work every so often and go out drinking. How did people believe that she was stable?

Taekwoon didn't know. Maybe he'd get some answers tonight, or maybe he wouldn't. From what Taekwoon had already seen of his mother's friends, most of them were oblivious and believed that Taekwoon was a rebel child who never listened to his mother's words.

Women of that generation tended to gang up on kids that weren't model students and didn't have model behavior. Whether any of that was true, Jisoo's friends would always believe Jisoo over her so-called "mis-guided" child.

Taekwoon sighed heavily. It felt like the millionth time he sighed only today. It was noon and he was three-fourths of the way done with is cleaning. He stood up and stretched his aching back.

After making the journey up those dreaded stairs, Taekwoon knocked on Hwayoung's door. "Hwahwa, you need to get dressed, baby. Let me in?" Taekwoon said quietly.

Hwayoung's little feet pattered on the floor. The door creaked open and little arms encircled Taekwoon's thin waist. "Taekwoonie! Hi!" Hwayoung giggled, snuggling into Taekwoon's stomach.

"Hi, Hwahwa. Mom wants you to get dressed, she's going to have some friends over tonight," Taekwoon explained, moving some silky black strands of hair from her eyes.

Hwayoung looked up at Taekwoon, lips forming a frown. "Will she do anything bad to you Taekwoonie?" Hwayoung asked.

Taekwoon hoisted her onto his hip. "I sure hope not, Hwahwa. As long as everything is done by four today, I should be all right, okay?" Taekwoon said softly. She looked at him with worried eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, and that's why I need you to get dressed and comb your hair, Hwahwa," Taekwoon said with a little smile. Hwayoung beamed and hugged Taekwoon by the neck.

"Okay! I'll be fast, okay Taekwoonie?" Hwayoung said, a pleased smile plastering her lips. Taekwoon set her down on the ground again and she ran into her room to get dressed. Taekwoon smiled fondly. He loved that little girl with all his damn heart. He'd do anything if it meant Hwayoung would be safe and happy.

 _Back to cleaning_ , Taekwoon thought bitterly. Cleaning was becoming something Taekwoon absolutely despised. Begrudgingly, Taekwoon made his way back downstairs and started scrubbing the counters in the kitchen. It was going to be a long, long day for him.

\- - -

It was 3:45 when Taekwoon finished cleaning the bathroom. He wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead with an arm and put the toilet bowl cleaner away. Now all he had to do was stash the boxes of junk he'd gathered from various places around the house and place them in the basement, where no one would find them.

Carrying them down the stairs proved to be easier than he'd envisioned, and he was done in a matter of minutes.

He was putting the vacuum away when Jisoo walked in the front door, looking presentable for once. Her entrance caused Taekwoon to jump nearly four feet in the air with surprise.

She glared at him and Taekwoon lowered his gaze again. He didn't want to be afraid of her, but it was an instinct that had been ingrained in him almost seven years ago.

After that she payed him no attention, so his cleaning must have been suitable enough for her. Taekwoon was grateful, because at least he didn't have to cover up any bruises with make-up now.

It was 5:30 when the first knock resounded through the house. Tension was all Taekwoon had felt for the last hour and a half while he cleaned himself up. He wasn't ready for the obvious confrontations that would occur with the presence of Jisoo's friends.

Taekwoon hurriedly gathered Hwayoung in his arms as she flew out of her room. The trip downstairs was fast and soon both brother and sister were seated calmly on the living room couch.

The first woman walked in and smiled sweetly at the two. This was Mrs. Ryu, and she was one of the few of Jisoo's friends that Taekwoon could bear. The others were Mrs. Cha and Mrs. Oh. But even they could sometimes be insufferable and unbearable.

"Welcome!" Jisoo said gleefully, waltzing into the room with a giant smile on her face. Taekwoon wanted to cry just seeing her smile. She hadn't smiled at him happily in eight years.

"Jung Jisoo! What a pleasure it is to see you again!" Mrs. Ryu exclaimed, going in for a hug. Taekwoon inhaled deeply.

"Heejin, it's so lovely that you decided to come. I feel like I haven't talked to you girls in ages, I was just dying to see you all again," Jisoo purred happily.

Taekwoon, of course, realized that most of this was just a farce. A nice cover for a book that was heart-wrenching and gut-twisting on the inside. Jisoo and so many of her friends were just associated with each other because they needed people to appear as their friends. They all were fake, and Taekwoon could see right through their fragile facades. The ones she wasn't afraid of being her nasty self around were her drinking friends; they were different.

"Of course, Jisoo. I'd never miss it. Are these your lovely children?" Mrs. Ryu said, gesturing to Taekwoon and Hwayoung who were sitting quietly on the couch. Taekwoon managed a small smile at her.

"Hi, Mrs. Ryu. I'm Taekwoon, if you don't remember. And this is my little sister, Jung Hwayoung," Taekwoon said, introducing himself and Hwayoung as politely as he could muster.

Mrs. Ryu smiled broadly. "I remember meeting you two years ago Taekwoon. You're 21 now, yes?"

Bewilderment appeared on Taekwoon's face for a split second before he masked it. "Ye-yeah, I turned 21 in November." Taekwoon couldn't believe someone remembered his age.

Jisoo smiled again, but when it was directed at Taekwoon it turned sour. She guided Mrs. Ryu into the coat room before they sat down on the other couch in the living room.

They made small talk as more of Jisoo's friends arrived. People just kept flowing in.

"Say, Yoomi is the only one not here yet, correct?" someone who introduced herself as Ji Changri asked.

"Yes, it seems she's bringing her son with her but had to pick him up from a dance class first," Mrs. Oh provided. Some of the ladies made odd faces at the word "dance".

"A boy that dances?" Ko Sooyeon scoffed. "How silly."

Taekwoon wanted to scream at them for being such ancient sexist bitches that promote stereotypes. He hated people that believed in all the old ways of the world and refused to change themselves.

The front door opened and Taekwoon brightened a little at the sight of Mrs. Cha's kind smile. "Hello everyone! Apologies for being late. Yeon had a class that ran later than expected," she said with a small smile.

Sooyeon and Jisoo rolled their eyes at each other when Mrs. Cha wasn't looking.

Taekwoon was trying to get a glimpse of Mrs. Cha's son. Taekwoon didn't know if he was older or younger since he'd never met him. A head of dark hair bobbed just behind Mrs. Cha, and Taekwoon nearly fell out of his seat when Cha Hakyeon came into his view.

Hakyeon was smiling and glancing around the room, greeting all his mother's friends. Hakyeon's jaw dropped when he saw Taekwoon sitting stiffly on the couch.

"Taekwoon!" Hakyeon cried happily, leaping onto Taekwoon and crushing him in a hug. Taekwoon reluctantly hugged back, patting Hakyeon's slim back lightly. Taekwoon tried not to catch his mother's glaring eye behind Hakyeon.

"Oh, Yeon, you know Jisoo's son?" Hakyeon's mother asked.

"Yeah," Hakyeon replied with a smile. "We're in the same music performance class in university."

Taekwoon managed a small smile while Jisoo stared at him with slit eyes. She knew he went to school but she didn't know what his major was. Since she didn't have to pay for any of it, Taekwoon assumed she wouldn't care what he did; but apparently, he was wrong.

Hakyeon made him scoot over when he was done talking to the other women and sat down right next to Taekwoon. "So, Taek, is this your little sister?" Taekwoon smiled at that.

"Yeah. Hey, Hwayoung, say hello to Hakyeon," Taekwoon said after tapping her shoulder.

Hwayoung was glad to greet Hakyeon and enthusiastically talked to him. "Are you Taekwoonie's best friend?" Hwayoung asked happily. Taekwoon rolled his eyes playfully at her, causing her to giggle.

Hakyeon sent her a dazzling grin. "Yeah, your big brother is my best friend in the whole wide world!" he exclaimed.

Taekwoon blushed, embarrassed by Hakyeon's sweet and over-the-top language. But then his body went rigid, because Hwayoung asked something that she most definitely, should not have asked during this situation:

"Better friends than the gray-haired boy that always makes Taekwoonie feel better?"

Taekwoon wanted to cry. He could already feel Jisoo's burning gaze on his back, and he felt like he could burst into flames at any moment from it.

Hakyeon smiled uneasily in response. "Um, well, I think he might be a little bit better of a friend than I am, Hwayoung," Hakyeon said, laughing nervously after glancing at a skittish looking Taekwoon.

"Why don't we move on from that topic, 'kay?" he asked, knowing he had to change the subject. Hakyeon knew something had gone wrong, he just didn't know why or what the result was going to be.

Hwayoung nodded easily, and the two started animatedly discussing My Little Pony (for some reason, Hakyeon was a fan too).

Taekwoon would have smiled gratefully, but he didn't want Jisoo to see. He let himself relax though, and he carefully slipped into a conversation about whether Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle were cooler ponies. Hakyeon and Taekwoon argued Rainbow Dash, while of course, Hwayoung had to go with her trusty gal Twilight Sparkle.

Taekwoon felt himself smiling despite the holes burned in his shirt from Jisoo's prying eyes. He wanted to laugh with his friend whether she could do anything about it or not.

\- - -

Taekwoon was reluctant to let Hakyeon go. Mostly because he was scared, but also because he enjoyed talking to his friend somewhere other than school.

As all the women left, Taekwoon made sure to keep Hakyeon back as long as possible.

"I really have to go, Taek. I'm sorry," Hakyeon smiled wryly as they stood on the side-walk. Taekwoon nodded in understanding.

"No, I get it, it's fine. I wish you could stay but it's inevitable that you have to go," Taekwoon said with a pout.

Taekwoon feared what was awaiting him once everyone was gone. He pulled Hakyeon into a tight hug, his chin digging into Hakyeon's shoulder. "I'll call you later, if you want," Taekwoon offered.

Hakyeon hugged back strongly, saying, "I'd like that-and Taekwoon? Stay safe." The last part was whispered in his ear, as softly as possible. Taekwoon gave him one last sad squeeze before watching him get into the car with his mom. Taekwoon waved goodbye as his friend drove away. 

When they were out of sight, he didn't turn around for a moment. He stared into the dark abyss of the starless night sky, and he knew that his night would be one of the darkest ones yet. 


	16. Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : this is a chapter with strong violence, abuse, minor cussing, and an allusion to homophobic views. PLEASE do not read it if any of that makes you uncomfortable.

Tonight, Taekwoon knew he would bleed.

Tonight, Taekwoon knew he would break.

Tonight, Taekwoon knew he would cry.

Tonight, Taekwoon didn't know how horribly he would bleed, break, cry.

Tonight was unpredictable.

As he closed the front door, Taekwoon felt a shiver claw its way up his spine. Spindly, cold fingers digging into his back bone and making goose bumps prickle his exposed skin.

Hwayoung was still seated on the couch, while Jisoo sat in the chair perpendicular to her. Jisoo was looking at the ground. Taekwoon couldn't tell what she was thinking and he didn't want to know.

"Hwayoung, go get your pajamas on and go to sleep, okay?" Taekwoon asked her softly. Hwayoung nodded and sprang from her seat. She dashed upstairs and Taekwoon heard her bedroom door close.

It was silent for a few moments.

"What was that about?" Jisoo murmured. She didn't appear angry to others. But Taekwoon knew.

"What was what about?" Taekwoon asked, already knowing he was pushing it.

He watched as her facial features contorted in fury. "The college class, "music performance"? That was certainly embarrassing, after I had told everyone you majored in engineering-at least that's something respectable," Jisoo snarled, her eyes angry slits, irises burning in rage.

Taekwoon looked at the ground. "That's not my fault..." Taekwoon said. He felt a little more confident tonight.

The slap across Taekwoon's cheek echoed through the house. At first it was just one, but then it was two- three- four- five- six- slaps in the face. Taekwoon's cheeks burned a bright red.

"How dare you? We'll talk about the gray-haired boy and Yoomi's son, that Hakyeon dancer boy later. Do not leave this house, do you understand me?" Jisoo said, teeth gritted. She grabbed Taekwoon by the chin and made him look into her eyes.

Taekwoon shuddered at the look in her eyes. "Go to that dumbass room of yours," she said, tone menacing.

And then she turned around and marched out the door, wallet and keys in hand.

Taekwoon let the breath he'd been holding out as soon as he heard the car start. He figured she was probably going to get drunk, but as long as Taekwoon was safe from her clutches for a little while longer, he was alright with it. She never hurt him too much anyways, as she didn't want any cause for suspicion.

Taekwoon trudged up the stairs to his room. He didn't mind being in it all day if it meant staying away from Jisoo. Taekwoon grabbed his phone as soon as he jumped onto his bed and opened his chat with Jaehwan. There were a couple new messages.

 **JaeJae:** Woonie! Woonie!

 **JaeJae:** Are you there? ; )

 **JaeJae:**  Woonieeeeeeee

 **taekmeon:**  I'm here now

Taekwoon was surprised at the speed which Jaehwan responded.

 **JaeJae:**  YAY

 **JaeJae** : how was ur mom's surprise evil house party?

 **taekmeon** : fine. but jisoo is angry

 **taekmeon:**  college major.

 **taekmeon:**  and hakyeon is one of her façade friends' son.

 **JaeJae** : wait really? That's crazy lol

 **JaeJae:**  and call me if she does anything, woonie

 **JaeJae:**  please

 **taekmeon:**  I will, Jaehwan.

 **taekmeon:**  I'm tired. Gonna nap before she gets back.

 **JaeJae:**  goodnight my sweetest taekwoonie~

 **taekmeon:** night, jae

Taekwoon smiled to himself as he said goodnight to Jaehwan. That fuzzy warm feeling had erupted in his heart again, and he loved it.

Taekwoon's smile froze on his face as he heard the front door creak on its hinges and then slam shut with terrifying force. Taekwoon turned off his phone and put it underneath his mattress before she threw open his own door and thread her fingers into his hair as tightly as she could manage.

Tears leaked onto Taekwoon's cheeks as she yanked at the hair in his scalp with strength he didn't know she had before. "Come here, you little fucker!" she screamed, dragging him with a little difficulty down the hallway and towards the stairs.

Taekwoon saw them in the corner of his eye and alarms started blaring in his head. "No, no not the stairs! Please mom, not the stairs!" Taekwoon cried, holding onto her wrist and trying to dig his heels into the floor.

"So you call me mom now, huh?" she yelled maliciously as Taekwoon spoke. Taekwoon realized he shouldn't have said anything but he was terrified of those stairs, especially in a situation like this.

Taekwoon tumbled down the stairs, bruising his elbows and knees on the way. His fear was so intense that he was shaking like a leaf in the fall and he couldn't stop. He didn't know how. He stood up shakily from the floor and watched as his executioner descended the stairwell after him.

"Well, well, Taekwoon. Scared now, aren't we?" she laughed sadistically, and Taekwoon felt his heart nearly stop. He was dead. He backed away from her, legs trembling, until his still-bruised back hit the door.

"Pleas-Please, stop, mom, please," Taekwoon whispered, and then she lunged at him. Her nail caught his cheek as he tried to dodge to the side. Taekwoon squeaked as the skin was torn off and blood welled from the torn skin.

"Come back here, Taekwoon!" she screamed.

Taekwoon ran into the dining room, colliding with a chair and knocking it over. "No! Stay away from me!" he sobbed, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He'd had enough of taking it in silence. He'd had enough of it.

Taekwoon tried to get around the table but he was too slow for her. She grabbed his wrist and used all her strength to bring him to the ground. In the midst, Taekwoon's head caught the edge of the dining room table. It dug into the skin of his skull, and blood streamed out as his body hit the carpeted floor.

He bled.

Taekwoon screamed as her tiny but bony fists made contact with his chest. Taekwoon sometimes wondered how she was always able to overpower him, even though he was an adult male and she was an old, tiny woman. He stopped wondering after he caught a glance at himself in the mirror once and saw the bruises that flowered his skin and the ribs that were visible beneath.

He was simply weaker than her. Always had been. As she pummeled his body he thought about how he couldn't beat her. How he'd probably never beat her. And it wasn't until the chair came crashing down on him that Taekwoon truly felt like he was in hell.

His first scream was his loudest, eardrum-shattering and strained. He felt the wood splinter the bone in his arm upon impact. White-hot pain flashed through him. It hurt so much he couldn't even scream, just open his mouth widely in pain.

The second blow had him wheezing, and by the ninth and the tenth, the screams had died out.

He broke.

The chair was falling apart by the time Jisoo tossed it aside, her hands scraped and forehead shining with a sheen of sweat.

"I hope you know why this happened. I won't accept any "son" of mine that doesn't get a proper degree. Nor will I tolerate such homosexual behavior in my house. Don't lie to me; I saw the way you looked at that dancer boy. And the gray-haired one that you're always kissing up to, I'm sure, you look at that bastard the same way," she seethed, spitting on the ground in disgust.

"You're just like your poor excuse of a father. I wish I never had to see you again," Jisoo said, face void of emotion. She turned and walked towards the bathroom. Taekwoon could vaguely hear the sound of running water, and then the sound of the front door shutting once again.

As soon as she was gone, the sobbing started. Taekwoon felt his insides break like a dam and everything came pouring out.

He cried.

Everything hurt. Taekwoon's vision was spotty and tinged with red at the edges. He didn't know if that was blood or if he was just going crazy. He didn't want to get up but he was desperate. He pulled himself forward with his hand. The other arm dangled limply at his side, broken and useless.

Taekwoon wanted to scream from the pain, but he bared it because he knew he had to. Something warm ran down his forehead. Taekwoon didn't know what it was.

With one arm and his bruised and beaten legs, Taekwoon climbed the stairs at the slowest rate possible. If he moved any faster, he feared he'd pass out. No, he had to get to his phone.

With a determined look in his eyes, Taekwoon hauled himself up, and then he dragged his broken body to his room. Everything inside him screamed at him to stop moving his body, but he didn't. He didn't want Hwayoung to see him like this; he had to get to his phone and call Jaehwan.

Jaehwan told him to call him.

"Argh!" Taekwoon groaned out as he reached under the mattress. With trembling fingers, he dialed Jaehwan's number. Taekwoon felt his lungs burning with just one sound.

It rung once before Jaehwan picked up.

"Hello? Woonie?"

Relief flooded Taekwoon even at the mere sound of his voice. He smiled as widely as he could muster.

"Taekwoon, are you there?" Jaehwan asked again, this time sounding more serious.

"Yeah..." Taekwoon pushed out.

"Taekwoon!?" Jaehwan sounded panicked now.

"Help...me, Jae..." Taekwoon croaked, bloody fingers letting the phone slip through his grasp. Forehead wrinkled in pain, Taekwoon tried to reach for it again.

"Taekwoon? Oh my god, oh my god are you okay? Woonie, baby, are you alright? What happened?" Jaehwan was yelling now and Taekwoon could hear him stumbling around. He almost laughed when Jaehwan called him baby.

"Just...get here. My roo...m."

"Okay, okay I'll be right there. Stay with me Taekwoon. Stay on the line!" Jaehwan ordered.

Taekwoon would have loved to follow that order, but he soon slipped into darkness, and Jaehwan's sweet, honey-voice disappeared altogether.

\- - -

Jaehwan had picked up the phone expecting a sweet goodnight from the boy he was in love with.

But instead all he could hear was Taekwoon wheezing, his voice barely audible when he was speaking. Jaehwan immediately knew he was in trouble and that he needed help as soon as possible.

He whizzed out the door as soon as possible and was in his car, practically speeding to Taekwoon's house. The door was still open slightly when Jaehwan arrived, so he tore through the doorway without holding back.

"Taekwoon? Taekwoon!?" Jaehwan called, voice shaking. He looked around but Taekwoon wasn't anywhere in sight.

In leaps and bounds, Jaehwan was up the steps. "No, no, where are you Taekwoon?" Jaehwan cursed. He pushed open the door to Taekwoon's room, but it stopped after bumping into something solid.

Jaehwan's eys slowly lowered to the ground. And he screamed.

Taekwoon lay on the ground, his right arm bent at an odd angle. Jaehwan could only see patches of skin on his face; the rest was covered in blood and bruises. Jaehwan felt like sobbing right there, but he knew he had to get Taekwoon some help.

"Jae..." a faint whisper reached his ears and Jaehwan's head whipped towards Taekwoon.

"Woonie, baby, what's up, are you okay?" Jaehwan stammered nervously, fumbling with his phone like he didn't know how to use it.

"C-call Hakyeon too..."

Jaehwan was too worried to be jealous, so he called Hakyeon and yelled at him to meet him at the hospital. "We're going now, Taekwoon. I'm going to pick you up, alright?" Jaehwan slipped an arm under Taekwoon's limp legs and one circled his shoulders. He hauled Taekwoon up with him, wincing when he heard Taekwoon groan weakly in pain.

Jaehwan was out the door in seconds, knowing he could get Taekwoon to the hospital faster than the ambulance could ever get there. He gingerly strapped him in and hopped in the driver's side, and then they were speeding to the emergency room. 

\- - -

Jaehwan burst through the hospital doors breathing hard, Taekwoon hanging limply from his grasp. Jaehwan was clutching him tightly to his chest to keep him from moving. 

"Help!" he yelled as he ran inside. "Help him, please! He's so hurt, he's really hurt!" Jaehwan yelled again. Some nurses and doctors looked at him and one or two rushed over. They took one look at the wound on his head and ushered him onto a stretcher. 

"Can I come with him?" Jaehwan gasped as they strapped Taekwoon down and put on an IV. The doctor glanced at him as they started moving. "What's your relationship?" he said calmly. 

"Boyfriend," Jaehwan blurted out without a second thought. The doctor nodded. 

"Can you contact his parent or guardian if he's a minor?" he asked. 

Jaehwan shook his head. "His mother is the one that did this to him," Jaehwan growled. He gripped the gurney tightly. "And he's not a minor either."

"Okay. You can come up until the surgery doors. He needs stitches. Wait outside." 

Jaehwan nodded reluctantly, squeezing Taekwoon's pale fingers one last time. 

"You'll do great Woonie. You'll make it through this," Jaehwan murmured. 

He sat down on the bench outside the emergency surgery doors and let his head fall in his hands. 

Something needed to be done about this; something needed to be done fast, before Taekwoon could get anymore hurt than he already was. 

Jaehwan closed his eyes tightly. 

"I swore I'd protect you, Taekwoon. I won't let this happen again..." 


	17. You and I

His leg was jiggling impatiently. Jaehwan felt like the world was crashing down on his shoulders all at once and he was struggling to hold it up. 

He thread his fingers through his mussed silver hair, yanking gently in sadness. The urge to just lay down and pretend this was all some crazy nightmare was strong. He wished everything could be normal and they could all be happy. 

But of course, that was almost impossible. 

"Lee Jaehwan?" 

Jaehwan shot up out of his seat, eyes flitting back and forth. "Yes, that's me? Is he okay?" Jaehwan was shaking with anxiety. He needed Taekwoon to be all right. 

The doctor smiled kindly. "Yes, he'll be all right. He's pretty beaten up, but he'll survive. Everything besides the broken arm will heal in about a week and a half. There's no internal bleeding so that's a plus. You can follow me if you want to see him now," the doctor explained. 

His explanation elicited an eager nod out of Jaehwan and he followed behind the doctor quickly. He knew his heart would hurt when he saw the state Taekwoon was in. But seeing him was better than not being able to at all. 

"He's sleeping, so try to be somewhat quiet while you're in there."

Jaehwan nodded in understanding and opened the door to the hospital room that Taekwoon was currently resting in. His eyes landed on the still figure in the bed, red hair greasy and splayed across the pillow. 

Yellowing bruises littered his jaw, red scratches covered his pale arms and cheeks. Tears sprang to Jaehwan's eyes, blurring his vision. He pulled a chair up to the bedside and interlaced Taekwoon's cold, limp fingers with his own. 

And he just sat there, keeping their hands together and trying not to cry. He sat there for an hour, rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin of Taekwoon's hand, hoping to soothe him even in his sleep. 

Jaehwan was stricken. Stricken because he couldn't save Taekwoon, stricken because he couldn't help him, stricken because Taekwoon would become more traumatized by his mother's actions than he already was. 

Deep inside, Jaehwan knew he could help. But on the surface, he felt at a loss. He didn't know what he could do to help the one he loved. So many thought Jaehwan was the man with the answers, the one who would help people solve their problems. 

But Jaehwan couldn't help everyone. The events that were occurring around him were telling him that all his efforts to save the one he loved, or at least give him a pillar to lean on when necessary, were in vain. 

Pain struck his heart every time he thought of what he could have prevented. Jaehwan was in too deep now. Too deep to stop, and too deep to let everything go. 

Jaehwan was about to doze off when he felt Taekwoon's hand twitch in his grasp. He looked up in shock, eyes locking with Taekwoon's droopy ones. 

"Taekwoon?" Jaehwan murmured, voice trembling with a tinge of worry. He watched as Taekwoon blinked blearily, trying to get a hold of his surroundings. 

"Hospital?" he finally asked, voice hoarse and croaky. Jaehwan smiled wearily at him. He sat up, slow and steady. 

"Yeah. You're in the hospital."

Taekwoon nodded, eyes closing briefly before opening again. It felt odd to him to wake up in a hospital instead of his bedroom. The cracked ceiling that usually painted his vision wasn’t there. It was replaced by a comforting light blue and the constant beeping of the heart monitor.

Another constant, a new one this time, was Jaehwan. Jaehwan was beside him, holding his hand. Taekwoon had secretly always longed for someone to hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. Even if that wasn’t the reality, and everything was going to be shit, Taekwoon continued to take those words as reassurance.

“Mm, that’s new…” he finally replied.

Jaehwan nodded sadly, squeezing his hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you,” Jaehwan said with a sad gaze.

Taekwoon shook his head. “No…no, you did help. Thank you, Jaehwan,” Taekwoon said. He was thankful to Jaehwan. He was the one person who had not abandoned him and had constantly helped him. It made him feel something akin to gratitude, but Jaehwan’s presence also made something warm and fuzzy bubble in his stomach. Taekwoon didn’t know what to make of it.

There were feelings that Taekwoon was still mostly unaware of nestled in his heart. Or maybe it wasn’t that he was unaware that they were there, but he didn’t know exactly what they were or what to do with them.

Taekwoon smiled as best he could without causing his cheeks to throb. “I’m really thankful, Jae. Trust me on that.”

Jaehwan smiled back, caressing Taekwoon’s hand with his thumb.

“Good, I’m glad.”

“Mm…so do you want to know what happened?” Taekwoon asked.

Jaehwan’s mouth formed an O in surprise. “You, you sure you want to talk about that right now?” he asked quietly. Usually Taekwoon shut everything up inside, not wanting to let anything out. Jaehwan was immensely happy that Taekwoon was opening up to him. But was it really time for Taekwoon to relive the torment he had gone through?

“Yeah. I think…I think I need to be more honest with people,” Taekwoon said, a small, yet sad, smile on his lips.

Jaehwan nodded in understanding. His chest almost swelled with pride for the strides Taekwoon was making. It had only been about four months since they’d met, and Jaehwan was so, so happy that he was opening up his walls even more.

“Okay. Go ahead. What do you want to talk about?” Jaehwan asked gently, pulling his chair closer to Taekwoon’s bedside table.

“I…I guess the first thing is…Hakyeon. Hakyeon is the son of one of my mother’s friends. I already told you that but. But Jisoo was angry. She always ridicules me for having no friends. Which I understand, considering I’m me,” Taekwoon started, trying not to crack.

Jaehwan squeezed his hand a little tighter. He wished Jisoo hadn’t ingrained such a self-depreciating mindset into him.

“Anyways, Hakyeon doesn’t know anything, so he came at me with smiles and hugs and the whole time I could feel her eyes burning into me. I have no clue what she thought, but it wasn’t good…” Taekwoon said quickly, and Jaehwan’s eyes flicked to the slightly escalated heart monitor.

“Hey, it’s okay. You can stop if you need to.” Jaehwan made sure to tell him that. He knew Taekwoon sometimes felt he was obligated to do something, even though he truly wasn’t.

Taekwoon nodded, taking a deep breath. “And then, we were talking and Hwayoung said something about you, and Jisoo heard her and took it the wrong way. I don’t want to blame Hwayoung though, it wasn’t all her fault.”

Jaehwan’s heart sank at the mention of himself. Did Taekwoon see Jaehwan in a light that wasn’t even remotely close to what Jaehwan wished?

“She, she left and then she came back drunk out of her mind. I was terrified, she threw me down the stairs after dragging me from my room.”

Jaehwan saw Taekwoon unconsciously shudder at the word ‘stairs’. Jaehwan knew Taekwoon had a problem with stairs. But he had no inkling as to why he was so terrified of stairs. Taekwoon would reveal the reason at some point. He was sure.

“She beat me with a chair, Jaehwan. A chair,” Taekwoon choked out.

Never before had Jaehwan felt so much rage course through his body because of one sentence. Hatred for Jisoo was suddenly emanating from his every pore. He cursed at her in his head for treating the boy he loved so cruelly and horribly, when all he deserved was love.

“I just…sometimes I want it all to end. But at the same time I’m scared of the thought of that,” Taekwoon said, voice small. He hadn’t burst into tears yet, and he was proud of himself in that regard. He was ashamed only of the fact that he had closed himself off for so long, when he was now realizing that letting go felt so much better.

Taekwoon was about to speak again when the door slid open loudly, and a flustered, teary-eyed Hakyeon stumbled in.

“Taek-Taekwoon. Oh my god, I’m so sorry I left you!” Hakyeon whispered worriedly.

Taekwoon just smiled sadly at him. “It’s okay Hakyeon. None of this is your fault,” Taekwoon said softly.  He didn’t want Hakyeon to burden himself with something he didn’t need to. Hakyeon hadn’t known it would happen, either.

Hakyeon approached his bed quietly. “I know. But I wish I’d at least gotten here sooner. I was in class and there was traffic and-,”

“Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon’s eyes snapped up to look at Jaehwan, who gave him a soft smile.

“You’re here now, and that’s all that truly matters. Okay? So don’t get yourself worked up,” Jaehwan continued, extending a hand towards Hakyeon.

Hakyeon took it without a word and allowed himself to be pulled towards Jaehwan and Taekwoon. He sat on his knees quietly, releasing his hand from Jaehwan’s grip. Taekwoon begged Hakyeon to not burden himself with this.

“I-I’m just sad that you couldn’t trust me with this…If you had told me earlier, I would have been able to protect you better.”

Taekwoon’s gaze softened. “It’s my fault,” he began softly, “I push everyone away. Jaehwan happened to be the lucky winner that gained the first pieces of my trust.”

Taekwoon didn’t want Hakyeon to feel helpless, like he himself had felt so many times. How he still felt sometimes. He hoped Hakyeon could recognize the reasons he had hidden the abuse from him and their friends.

“I get scared, Hakyeon…Terrified actually. I’m sorry that all my fears have led to this,” Taekwoon continued with a bitter smile. He knew everything that happened was, as usual, his fault.

Jaehwan felt his heart throb at the words. He grabbed Taekwoon’s other hand in his. “Hey, both of you need to stop blaming yourselves. The only person at fault here is that wretched woman. She’s the only one in the wrong,” he said, voice quiet and soothing.

He watched as Taekwoon slowly nodded, seeming to accept his words for the moment. Jaehwan was proud that Taekwoon was starting to express himself more though, instead of keeping everything tightly locked away inside himself. His breach of Taekwoon’s protective shield was successful, and he could feel it crumbling away under his fingertips. It was almost nonexistent at this point.

It was odd in a way, because typically an event like this would cause Taekwoon to retreat instead of break free. Maybe it was a sign that Taekwoon was comforted by Jaehwan and his presence. That was a thought that made Jaehwan’s heart swell with happiness, a feeling that replaced the previous sinking feeling.

“Should I call the other boys?” Hakyeon asked tentatively.

Taekwoon said yes. “I think I need to tell them what’s been going on. They deserve that, at least. They’re my friends now too…”

Jaehwan grinned widely. “Yes! We’re all your friends, Woonie. Take it slow if you need to, we all love you, okay?” Jaehwan said, eyes sparkling with affection. His only wish was that he could say it to Taekwoon alone. He wanted to tell Taekwoon he loved him, but he figured it wasn’t a burden he needed right now. Taekwoon already had enough on his plate; a boy crushing on him might be uncalled for.

“Thanks, Jae…” Taekwoon replied, a sweet smile spreading across his face. Jaehwan smiled back, just as radiantly. Taekwoon’s heart jumped in his chest at the sight. Something was going on with him, and he was starting to get an inkling of what it might be.

\- - -

Wonshik and Hongbin walked through the hospital room doors, giant bouquets of flowers filling their arms. Taekwoon’s eyes widened comically at the sight, pushing himself to sit upright in his bed.

“Uh, guys…what’s all that?” he said with a nervous tinge.

“Flowers!” Hongbin said with a big grin. They set the flowers down on the table against the wall. “We hope you love them!”

Taekwoon giggled a little. He was starting to see how nice it was to have friends like this surrounding him. “Are other almost here?” Taekwoon asked, fiddling with his fingers.

Wonshik nodded, pulling up a chair and sitting down it. He leaned his arm on the back of the chair. “Yeah. They’re almost here,” he said, voice rumbling.

Hongbin also pulled over a chair but sat on it normally after giving Wonshik an odd glare. “So, you wanted to tell us how you got all roughed up?” Hongbin asked, eyes filling with sadness and worry. No pity just concerns.

“Mm…”

With that, Sanghyuk, Hakyeon, and Jaehwan entered the room and gathered around.

Taekwoon sent Jaehwan a smile, and it was returned sweetly. All five of Taekwoon’s friends looked at him intently as they waited.

A slow, steady intake of breath. “I think I need to tell you guys something. Hakyeon and Jaehwan already are aware, but they convinced me that I needed to have faith in my other friends as well.”

Hongbin, Sanghyuk, and Wonshik were looking at him with concern written on their faces. Taekwoon took another deep breath, praying that his nerves would calm themselves down. His heart was beating out of his chest. But a glance at Jaehwan made him feel just a little calmer. He continued.

“I’m going to trust you all with this. And you can’t tell anyone else, please.”

They all nodded in agreement. “Of course Taekwoon. Of course,” Hongbin said.

“The reason I ended up this way, and the reason for the way I acted in the past, is because my mother abuses me.”

The whole room was dead silent. Eyes were wide and glistening with heartbreak. Taekwoon had never felt so sad while looking at his friends try to wipe away the tears that were now flowing out of their eyes.

Taekwoon smiled weakly and grabbed Hongbin’s trembling hand with his own. “Taekwoon, you should have told us sooner!” he sobbed, nose snotty and eyes puffy. Taekwoon almost laughed.

“Hongbin, I should be the one crying, silly,” Taekwoon responded, dabbing a tissue on his friend’s cheeks.

“I know, but you really were suffering alone all this time, weren’t you?” he said through his tears, gripping Taekwoon’s hand tighter.

Taekwoon noticed that even Sanghyuk had shed a few tears like Hongbin and Wonshik. “It started a long time ago. I was too scared to do anything, because I have a little sister to protect too,” Taekwoon said softly. He knew it was an even bigger risk talking about Hwayoung, but now everything was just flowing out.

“A lot of things happened to my mom, and she took them out on me,” Taekwoon explained, voice still steady somehow.

“You never deserved any of that, Taekwoon,” Wonshik said, finally speaking up with a croaky voice. Taekwoon turned to him. Wonshik was the grumpy type, always grumbling and complaining during early mornings and whining about Sanghyuk’s antics, but he was a softie deep inside.

“I’m still finding it hard to accept that I didn’t deserve a thing. It’s what it does to me. But I’m starting to feel better…” Taekwoon explained, handing Sanghyuk and Wonshik tissues as well.

Everyone was sad and crying, and Jaehwan couldn’t stand it for a minute longer.

“Okay gang, group hug!” he shouted, pulling everyone into a huge hug, while keeping in mind the cast on Taekwoon’s right arm. 

Taekwoon smiled wide, still wiping tears off Hongbin’s face. “Thank you, guys, for understanding,” he said. He was grateful, and he knew he would always be grateful. They were the first group of people to truly accept him, and Taekwoon would remember that as long as he lived. 

He just hoped that that would be a long time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon's heart is opening wider now! when do you think he'll figure out his feelings for Jaehwan? 
> 
> also idk why the text got bigger when i pasted it in the last two paragraphs. oh well


	18. Will Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry for the month long wait!! but i did manage to update my twitter au, finish three one-shots, update bloody passion and uncaged so! i'd say i still have made considerable progress this summer oof. I hope to focus mostly on completing this story for the rest of this summer (three weeks) and i will try to have the motivation to update maybe twice a week if possible! so another update this friday is possible since i have a long car ride! anyways, i hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and once again i'm sorry for the wait!

Taekwoon was ready to be discharged from the hospital a week later. He'd been overwhelmingly worried about Hwayoung despite Jaehwan's reassurances. Jaehwan told him he had been checking on her everyday and taking her to Kihyun's on days when he was able. 

In truth, that settled Taekwoon a little, but there was still a prick of worry in the back of his conscious. "Jae, Jae, did you drop her off this morning?" he asked anxiously, tugging on Jaehwan's sleeve. 

"Yes, Taekwoon, I left her at Kihyun's. She will be just fine, okay?" he replied, patting Taekwoon's hand calmly. 

Taekwoon smiled lightly, breathing in deeply to calm down. He was paranoid and scared all the time these days, and the nightmares were stronger than ever. Before this incident, he'd had them periodically, but now they popped up nearly every night. Taekwoon was exhausted. 

"You okay?" Jaehwan asked, running a thumb over Taekwoon's hand. 

Taekwoon nodded, exhaling and letting his eyes flutter open. His heart nearly jumped when he made eye contact with Jaehwan. He quickly settled and swung his legs over the side of the hospital bed. 

"I'm being discharged today, right?" Taekwoon asked. 

"Yeah, in a couple hours." Jaehwan got up and stuffed his jacket in his backpack. "I'll sign your discharge papers since...well you know," he said, giving Taekwoon a sad smile. 

Taekwoon shook his head at the expression, silently telling Jaehwan that it was fine. "Alright, well, will you come pick up Hwayoung with me? I don't know if I can face her alone yet," Taekwoon asked meekly, rubbing his hands together nervously. 

Jaehwan's face softened at that and he nodded. "Of course I will. I'll always be here for you when you need me, Taekwoon," Jaehwan murmured. He set the backpack he was holding down and made his way over to Taekwoon.  He took a seat next to Taekwoon and looked him in the eyes. 

Those dark eyes were just as gorgeous as Jaehwan remembered. Mesmerizing and sparkling, so much so that Jaehwan could hardly tear his own eyes away. 

"Do you promise?" Taekwoon whispered, eyes pleading silently. Jaehwan cupped Taekwoon's face with a gentle hand, his thumb stroking the soft curve of his cheekbone. 

"I can't promise everything, but I will do my absolute best to be beside you whenever I can. I don't want to leave your side, and I won't unless I'm forced to," 'kay?" Jaehwan said, eyes lowered as he spoke. 

Taekwoon nodded in understanding and leaned into the hand placed on his cheek. He placed his own hand over it, never wanting the warmth of Jaehwan's skin to leave his. "Thank you...I don't know if I've said this before, but you're one of the only people in my life that's actually given two shits about me. And I'm really grateful," Taekwoon explained quietly, almost embarrassed to say it. Their fingers intertwined almost naturally as they dropped from Taekwoon's face to his lap. 

"So even if you can't promise, I guess knowing that someone if here for me at all is better than nothing," he finished with a bit of a brighter smile. 

Jaehwan pulled him into a hug, their fingers still tangled together. Chin digging into Taekwoon's shoulder, he whispered in his ear: "I love you, okay? And I always protect the ones I love."

Taekwoon's cheeks and ears erupted with a flushed red, burning with shyness. He could feel the blush spreading all over his face, so he hid in Jaehwan's embrace until he could feel the flush fading away. When they pulled away from the hug, Taekwoon's eyes flitted around nervously. 

But Jaehwan just smiled brightly, tilting his head almost cutely. "Okay, I'm going to go start the paperwork to get you out of this boring ass hospital. I'll be back soon!" he said happily, standing up and making his way to the sliding door. 

\- - - 

Two hours later, the two men were standing outside Kihyun's place. Taekwoon shifted his arm in the sling uncomfortably, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was nervous to see Hwayoung. He didn't want her to be hurting because of him: whether it was because he left her there, because he abandoned her, or something else.

"Hey, Taek, it'll be fine," Jaehwan started, rubbing Taekwoon's back comfortingly. "She told me how much she missed you the other day. I know she'll be glad to see you, okay?" he said with a smile. 

Taekwoon nodded with a sigh. He took a deep breath and opened the door to the daycare. His steps were still somewhat tentative, but once he saw Kihyun look up at him and smile warmly, the tension melted off him, and he finally felt like he could relax. 

"Taekwoon! It's good to see you, how are you feeling?" Kihyun asked, a hand coming to rest on Taekwoon's elbow lightly in concern. 

"Better," Taekwoon answered. 

Kihyun looked towards the playroom and then back towards Taekwoon. "Do you want me to call her here or...?" 

Taekwoon shook his head, "No, I'll go find her." Taekwoon wanted to see her of his own volition, and maybe he also wanted to surprise her a bit. Surprises were fun, right? His friends gave him supportive smiles as he disappeared through the doorway. 

He peered in the playroom, his eyes searching for his dark haired little sister. He finally spotted her in the corner, playing with another little boy quietly. Taekwoon's heart jumped when she smiled brightly, and some of the remaining guilt melted away. 

He walked in, a little less timidly, and called out to her. The way her head whipped around at the sound of his voice made Taekwoon's heart jump, in joy and fear of what her reaction would be. And suddenly his beloved little sister was racing towards him, and he swept her up with his one good arm. 

"Woonie! Woonie Woonie Taekwoonie!"  she screeched happily, tightening her tiny arms around Taekwoon's neck. Taekwoon giggled, holding her tightly so she wouldn't fall.

"Hi, Hwayoung..." he said sweetly, all the guilt (that he shouldn't have even harbored in the first place) completely gone. Now, his heart simply swelled with affection and love for the little girl that lit up his life, even in the darkest of times. 

"Taekwoonie! Are you okay?" she said, pushing herself up from snuggling him to look Taekwoon in the eyes worriedly. Taekwoon felt endeared, and happy that his sister worried for him. He knew it was normal for her to worry, but Taekwoon still was burdened by his own mentality. People worrying for someone like him was such a foreign concept in his mind. 

He shook those thoughts out of his head and hugged Hwayoung tighter, unable to help the joy-filled smile that spread across his face, making his cheeks ache. "I'm okay, Hwahwa, don't worry anymore, okay?" he said, pressing a quick peck to her temple. 

"Really? Are you sure?" she fretted again, and Taekwoon almost laughed at how cute she was. He put her down softly and kneeled down so that he could look her in the eyes as they spoke. 

"Yes, I'm sure. Jaehwan has been taking good care of you, yes?" he asked, pushing away the soft wisps of ebony hair that obscured her eyes. She nodded vigorously, a bright smile erupting at his words. 

"Yeah, Jaehwanie is super duper nice! He brought me here every morning so I wouldn't have to go by myself," she giggled, sitting down on the floor with a plop. She scooted closer to Taekwoon, her tiny knees touching Taekwoon's calves. 

Taekwoon smiled softly, ruffling her hair and eliciting more giggles from his sister. "I'm so glad that he helped you out, Hwahwa." He couldn't stop smiling for some reason. As he was looking up from Hwayoung, his eyes caught on Jaehwan leaning against the doorway, smiling warmly at the two. When their eyes met, Taekwoon couldn't help the way his lips quirked into a bigger, grateful smile and how his heart pounded in his chest like a hammer. 

He already had his suspicions as to why his heart picked up in speed every time he saw Jaehwan these days, because Taekwoon wasn't so dense to his own feelings, just others. He couldn't help the little sprout of fear that was planted in him though; after living with a mother like his for so long, it was impossible for it to not be there.

"Hey guys." It was Jaehwan's words that once again jerked him out of his stupor, and he quickly stood up. He extended a hand to Hwayoung and she grabbed it happily, her small fingers encased in Taekwoon's palm. 

"Jae, what's up?"

"I was thinking we could walk around for a bit before we go back to your house. Get lunch maybe? Plus, I have something to talk to you about, both of you," Jaehwan explained, shifting the backpack on his shoulders. 

Taekwoon tilted his head curiously. What could Jaehwan possibly want to talk to _both_  of them about? 

"Okay, um, let's go then..."

The three walked out of the daycare, bidding their goodbyes to Kihyun on their way. 

\- - -

Taekwoon put the spoon of ice cream in his mouth, humming at the flavor of the rich vanilla on his tastebuds. Taekwoon had always been a sucker for the sweetness of french vanilla. 

"What was it that you wanted to talk to us about?" Taekwoon asked quietly, putting down the spoon and glancing over at Hwayoung. He smiled at the mess on her face and wiped at it with a napkin. "Hwayoung, clean up your face," he said, handing her the napkin before turning back to Jaehwan, the light smile still playing on his lips. 

Taekwoon's chest erupted in butterflies when Jaehwan grinned at him. The feeling was warm and he never wanted it to go away. 

"Well, I had an idea to propose to you, Taek. I need you to be open-minded when I suggest this," Jaehwan started, threading his fingers together on the table. He looked a little nervous, after the bright smile had faded away. 

"Um, okay...I'm listening," Taekwoon said, his heart beating with worry now. He wasn't sure where this conversation was headed next, but he hoped it wouldn't be bad. 

Jaehwan fiddled with his fingers. "Well, I, uh, was thinking...you and Hwayoung aren't safe in that house. So um...maybe you'd want to move in with me...?" Jaehwan started, looking nervous. 

Taekwoon's eyes widened in surprise, but he relaxed because  _thank god_ , it wasn't anything bad. In fact, he was a little relieved. Taekwoon had wanted to escape for years, but he was cowardly and scared and he had to stay because he had nowhere else to go. 

Now he had a chance. Hope. And he was always willing to take a chance that could get him, and Hwayoung, out. 

He grabbed Jaehwan's hands, eyes watering a little in joy and shock that someone was willing to do that for them.  The emotion made him bow his head and try to keep any tears from dripping out. He clutched Jaehwan's hands even tighter. Jaehwan was looking at him hopefully, but when he saw Taekwoon duck his head like that, his heart sparked with concern. 

"Taek? You okay?" Jaehwan asked, holding Taekwoon's hands. 

Taekwoon nodded, caressing Jaehwan's hands with his thumbs. "Yeah, I'm- I'm perfect, Jae. I- thank you so much," he said, voice thick with happiness. 

"Oh, wow, okay," Jaehwan said with a chuckle, leaning forward on his elbows. "So, do you want to move in? Is this response a yes?" His eyes were crinkled at the corners from his wide smile, and Taekwoon nodded happily. 

"Of course. A million times yes. We both need to get out of there. I'm constantly worried for how Hwayoung is faring when I'm not here. I'm still scared about even attempting to leave, but I have to try..."

Taekwoon needed to be brave. He was realizing that he'd suffer forever if he didn't change the situation was in. 

"I'm proud of you," Jaehwan said, squeezing Taekwoon's hand affectionately. "I'm so, so proud of you."

Taekwoon let one of the brightest smiles he'd ever smiled spread across his face. And for once, he felt like he could smile all day. 

\- - -

Jaehwan dropped them off at the house, and Taekwoon had to admit that the hate that boiled in his gut when he saw it, was real. It hurt that the place he had spent his whole life in spurred such resentment in him, and he always wished that it didn't have to be that way. 

He and Hwayoung stepped out of the car, Taekwoon albeit a little shakily, and shut the door behind them. Hwayoung's hand in his, Taekwoon leaned on the door and spoke to Jaehwan through the open car window. 

"I just want to say thank you again for even asking us, Jae," Taekwoon said softly, running his free hand along the glass edge of the window absentmindedly. Jaehwan was probably getting annoyed with all of Taekwoon's thank yous, but Taekwoon couldn't help himself. 

Instead, Jaehwan smiled, for what felt like the millionth time (not that Taekwoon was getting tired of it). "You're welcome. It's what friends are for, right?" 

And for some reason, that Taekwoon was only starting to decipher, Taekwoon's chest felt heavy and constricted at the word "friends". He shook it off and finally bid Jaehwan farewell for the day. They still had some planning and talking to do, and frankly, Taekwoon was giddy at merely the thought of seeing Jaehwan again.  

Hwayoung swung their arms as they walked inside, humming a cute little tune. Taekwoon didn't see their mother around; there was no sign of her.  It wasn't too unusual though, so he just brushed it off and continued up the stairs to Hwayoung's room. 

"Hey, Hwayoung," he said as they sat down on her pink bed. She gazed up at him with a cute blank look on her face. "Do you like the idea of moving in with Jaehwan?" he asked her. 

She tilted her head in thought. "Well...does it mean that you'll be safe?"

Taekwoon couldn't help the small smile that slipped out. "Yeah Hwahwa, it'll mean both you and me are safe forever." He reached over and combed through her silky black locks with his fingers. 

She suddenly jumped and grabbed Taekwoon around the waist in a hug, her arms long enough to wrap around his skinny figure. "Then yeah, let's move, Taekwoonie," she whispered into his shoulder. She snuggled there for a moment, and Taekwoon sat there quietly, enjoying the warmth and happiness seeping from her. God he loved Hwayoung so much, and the fact that now he might be able to truly do something for her made his heart incredibly happy. 

Eventually he moved her from him and tucked her under the covers, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Sleep well, Hwayoung," he murmured with a soft smile, and closed the door behind him. 

Taekwoon took no notice of the pair of cold, cold eyes watching him from the cracked door of his parents' old bedroom. 

He opened the door to his dark, cold room, and he missed the warmth of his sister and Jaehwan already. Taekwoon would have to push through for the remaining days he was in this house. The familiar cracked ceiling stared down at him as he flopped on his back, onto the bed. It really was cold here. 

Taekwoon turned on his side, head resting on his arm and cranberry locks splayed across the gray of the sheets. His thoughts kept drifting back to Jaehwan and his smile, his laugh, the way he moved and simply, him. Jaehwan. 

_Do I..._

_Do I like him?_ Taekwoon asked himself, his eyes roaming over to the keyboard against the wall, and he remembered the day of the music show. His cheeks flushed pink and he slapped a hand over his mouth, an uncontrollable smile breaking out on his face. 

"I...I like Jaehwan," he said out loud. 

And Taekwoon didn't feel so cold anymore. 


	19. From The Sky

They'd only been home for two days when Taekwoon began stuffing clothes in a backpack. He'd decided to go to Jaehwan's apartment for a couple days, by himself, so that they could discuss what to do. Hwayoung would be staying at Kihyun's for those few days; Taekwoon didn't want to risk getting her hurt. 

It had occurred to him that he'd be staying in the same house as his crush for several days in a row (even if the crush was newly discovered) and he'd have to completely keep his cool. He could handle himself...he hoped. 

With a small smile he zipped the backpack that was sitting on the floor and swung it over his shoulder. Something stopped him from walking out the door right away and Taekwoon looked around the room he'd cried in, cowered in, and before everything, even laughed in. It was almost a surreal feeling that he'd never see this dreaded room again in just a few days time. He was finally escaping the cold darkness he couldn't get away from before. It felt good. 

His back turned on the room, his hand pulling the door shut behind him. "Hwayoung!" he called, rapping on her door with his knuckles. His mother had left the house the day before and hadn't turned up yet, so he wanted to get out of there quickly. Even if they did see her, he would just tell her that he was going to classes (which in actuality he did have to go to, especially to make up for the days that he'd been in the hospital). 

Hwayoung opened the door, her own bright pink backpack slung over her shoulders, her glossy black hair in a ponytail and whipping around as she jumped down the stairs in front of Taekwoon. "Slow down on the stairs Hwayoung," he fretted, a twinge of worry rattling through him. 

She hopped down them anyways, albeit a little slower, and Taekwoon had to learn to let it go. She didn't have the same trauma or fears as he did and he couldn't force her to accomodate him. He drew in a deep breath and opened the front door as they reached the floor. 

"I'm going to school and might have a sleepover with Jaehwan for a couple days, Hwayoung, so you're going to be at Kihyun's when you aren't at school, okay?" Taekwoon said, crouching down to her level and looking her in the eyes. She smiled lightly and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"I understand. At least I don't have to stay home all day!" she said, face hidden in Taekwoon's neck. Taekwoon smiled in relief. She'd be okay with Kihyun, he hoped. 

He released her from their tight hug and grabbed her small hand in his. "Let's go, Hwahwa," he said, and they walked out the door of that house for, hopefully, one of the last times. 

\- - -  

Hwayoung had joyfully run to Kihyun when he dropped her off, and although he was a little sad that she wasn't reluctant to stay by him, he knew she was better off with her friends for a couple days than all alone. 

Taekwoon's smile fell as soon as he left, on his way to Jaehwan's apartment. He was almost overwhelmed with nerves, his fingers shakily tapping a beat on the strap of his backpack as he walked down the street. 

He was incredibly nervous about attempting to leave his mother's iron hold, but he had finally gained the confidence to try so he had to follow through. Otherwise, he'd never forgive himself for continuing to put Hwayoung, and himself, in danger. 

Taekwoon approached the street that Jaehwan lived on and he picked up his pace. He was glad that his excitement also overpowered him. This would be the first time he'd seen Jaehwan since his epiphany; and more than it worried him, it excited him. 

Before he realized it, he was already standing at the familiar doorstep, hand poised to knock. He gulped and rapped on the door three times, his heart in his throat. After a moment he could hear footsteps running towards the door and butterflies erupted in his stomach. 

The door swung open and Jaehwan stood there, his chest heaving and a shirt seemingly thrown on haphazardly, sliding off his shoulder and revealing his collar bone. Taekwoon forced himself not to stare and instead smiled brightly. "Hi," he murmured.

"Hey!" Jaehwan said happily, and Taekwoon saw a spoon in his hand and stared at it quizzically for a moment, before turning his gaze back to Jaehwan. Jaehwan beamed like he was the sun itself and Taekwoon almost melted on the spot. He had fallen deep, hadn't he? Jaehwan opened the door widely and stepped aside for him, gesturing that he come inside, so that's just what he did. 

"Taek, I'm glad you're here," Jaehwan giggled as he shut the door behind him. "Are you hungry?" he asked. Taekwoon nodded as they made their way into the kitchen and he slid into one of the bar stools at the counter. 

"Here's a plate. I was making pancakes, hence the spoon," he said, holding up the silver utensil with a grin. 

Taekwoon chuckled, "Why do you need a spoon for pancakes?" 

Jaehwan pouted and pointed at a bowl of batter sitting on the counter. "It's for dispensing the batter onto the pan! What, do you think I'm using it for, to flip the pancakes themselves?" he laughed with a sarcastic tone. 

Taekwoon felt all his nervousness melt away at this point and his shoulders relaxed from their half-tensed state. "No, I totally didn't think you were using it to flip over the pancakes," he said with a roll of his eyes.

Jaehwan gasped. "Jung Taekwoon, rolling his eyes? This is a miracle," he joked, eyes shining. Taekwoon couldn't help but smile wider. He felt more relaxed and comfortable here than he'd felt in his whole life. Wanting it to stay that way forever was his new desire, and with the chance he had, he'd make it happen. Taekwoon would finally do his best to make himself and his little sister happy.

"Alright, stop making fun of me," Taekwoon said good-naturedly, "Flip your pancakes, loser!" he laughed and spread his hands flat on the chilled granite of the countertop. The kitchen grew rather quiet, the silence filled with the sounds of the sizzling pancakes, and Taekwoon felt it was a good time to examine the stones in the granite. The quiet caused his mind to swirl with thoughts again. 

"Whatcha thinkin about?" Jaehwan said, hand on his hip and waving a spatula in the air as he waited for the pancake to be ready. His eyes were on Taekwoon, kind and open. 

Taekwoon shook his head with an uneasy smile. "I just...I don't know. I'm worried that something will go wrong and it will be all my fault. What if I mess up something and our plan fails and we can't go through with it, and then we're stuck there forever. I'll never get peace and Hwayoung...Hwayoung will never be able to grow up properly," he said, voice so soft it was nearly a whisper. His hands had started to shake without his notice and he jumped when Jaehwan grabbed them tightly. 

"Hey. It'll all work out fine in the end. We haven't even planned anything yet. But I know, after this is all over, we'll be fine. You'll get better, and although the pain may never go away completely, because I know it can't and the scars and reminders will always be there, you will be happier. I know it, because it's true. Everything will be fine, no matter if we hit a couple bumps along the way, because that's just natural. So don't worry yourself sick, it won't do any of us any good," Jaehwan said in an effort to comfort Taekwoon. "Deep breaths, in and out, Taek," he instructed, rubbing circles on his skin. 

Taekwoon closed his eyes, head hanging, and inhaled and exhaled deeply. How did Jaehwan always manage to make him feel better?

"Thanks, Jae. You're right. I'm sure it will be fine," he said with a happier smile. "Your pancake is probably burned by now though," he said, pointing towards the steaming heap in the skillet. 

"Shit! My pancake!" Jaehwan cried, whipping around and grabbing the skillet. He screeched and rushed to the sink to scrape the burned batter off the bottom. "Great, now I have to start over," he huffed, putting down the pan and pouting heavily. Taekwoon couldn't help but blush at the adorable sight and continue to observe Jaehwan as he restarted his pancake making quest. 

\- - -

Finally, Jaehwan had finished his pancakes without anymore accidents. Now they lay on the couch, Taekwoon's head in Jaehwan's lap and Jaehwan's fingers lightly combing through his dark locks. 

"Are you ready to start thinking about what we have to do?" Jaehwan asked, gazing down at Taekwoon with a comforting look in his eyes. Taekwoon raised his eyes to meet Jaehwan's above him. He looked exhausted and Jaehwan's heart ached a little at the realization that Taekwoon was most likely still having nightmares. 

"No, I don't think I want to think about it all right now...Can we sleep?" he asked in a quiet voice. Jaehwan nodded, swiping Taekwoon's bangs out of his eyes. 

"Sure, baby, let's go take a nap. We'll make dinner later." Jaehwan hadn't registered that he'd called Taekwoon baby and he took no notice of the pink tint forming on Taekwoon's cheeks. 

"Y-yeah..." Taekwoon murmured, sitting up and snuggling closer to Jaehwan. Jaehwan draped a blanket over them to encase their warmth and Taekwoon immediately felt cozier. He felt like dozing off right that second, with the silent prayer that he wouldn't have any nightmares. 

He managed to fall asleep for half an hour, breathing steady and, thank god (if there was one), no nightmares for once. Now his head lay on Jaehwan's chest, legs stretched out on the couch and arm (his other forearm was still in that annoying cast so he had to be mindful of it) tucked into himself out of habit.  It was warm and an overwhelming feeling of finally being at home nestled inside him. 

His heartrate shot through the roof when Jaehwan wrapped his arms around Taekwoon, pinning him to his chest. After a moment he melted into Jaehwan's grip, snuggling in closer to the warmth that Jaehwan gave off. 

"Are you ready to talk now? We have to get moving with this or she'll realize what we're doing. If we don't do this at the end of the week I'm not sure how long it will take to try again, Taek," Jaehwan said, voice serious but a calming hand rubbing up and down Taekwoon's arm in comfort. 

Taekwoon sighed and nodded, knowing they had to talk about what they were going to do despite the bubbling feeling of worry in his chest. "Alright, let's talk," he said, sitting up and out of Jaehwan's grip. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and fingers folded together in thought. "What's first?"

Jaehwan jumped up and darted into the kitchen, startling Taekwoon for a moment. His eyes followed him as Jaehwan returned with a pen and notepad in hand. "What's that?" he asked curiously as Jaehwan sat back down next to him. 

"It's just a couple of my ideas on how we're going to officially get you and Hwayoung out of that death trap of a house, permanently. I think, as of right now, you can't stay away for too long and she'll get suspicious. She has custody of Hwayoung, remember that, so she can always place blame on you and say you took Hwayoung from her. And they'll believe her over you any day," Jaehwan began, flipping open his notebook and clicking his pen. He started scribbling things down. "So, the only we can get her is by proving to child protective services, or something similar, that you and Hwayoung are most definitely in danger.

And by the way, she can in no way force you to stay there. You're an adult Taekwoon, you could have left at anytime as she doesn't have control over you anymore. At all. You could cut her off. The only problem is Hwayoung, and that's what we're going to have to figure out while you're here. I'm not sure exactly what we can do yet, but we could try to take her for a few days and then see what Jisoo does in response." Jaehwan tossed the pen down and crossed his arms, proud of the info he had accumulated. 

Taekwoon looked at him suspiciously. "How do you know all this stuff?" he asked Jaehwan, who froze and laughed a little nervously, scratching the back of his neck. 

"Well, I did a lot of research. I know it won't be easy to do this so I figured that I'd try and figure some stuff out for us beforehand," he said, almost bashfully. Taekwoon gave him a smile and pat his arm softly. 

"I don't deserve all this help, really, but thank you so much for all of your help. I'm grateful," Taekwoon said with a small grin. His heart hurt just a little when he felt his brain respond to help in his old ways. Taekwoon was incredibly glad he was starting to learn to accept someone new, and possibly more people, into his life. He considered it a big step, and while he was making progress, especially with his desires, it was still slow going in the long run. 

"You always deserve it, Taekwoon. Never forget that," Jaehwan responded, linking their fingers together. "Now why don't we go find some dinner to eat? I'm starving and all this business-like talk is making me even more hungry," Jaehwan grinned slyly, standing and pulling Taekwoon up in the process. 

He stumbled a little, their hands still linked together, but Jaehwan caught him by the waist with a steady hand. "Woah there, don't fall over!" he giggled.

It was almost identical to the incident when Taekwoon first met this beautiful man. The steadying, warm hands and the soothing, soft voice. But this time, his heart was beating for a different reason. 

And he liked it. 


	20. Drag Me

Taekwoon had been there for two days already. All in all, he felt pretty relaxed, but there was still a prickle of worry nestled in his heart. He feared the things that may have to come, but he knew he had to be brave.

The two men were cuddled on the couch, passed out from the night before, Jaehwan's arms wrapped around Taekwoon's shoulder. Taekwoon hummed, snuggling deeper into Jaehwan's chest. There were empty bottles of soju littered around the living room: on the floor, the coffee table and even one on the couch.

Taekwoon's eyes cracked open sleepily and he rolled off the couch, Jaehwan's arms not tight enough to keep him from falling. His head smacked into the floor and he let out a painful groan, his hands flying to his bruised skull.

Now he was awake at least. He glanced at Jaehwan, who was still sound asleep and let out a small laugh. Taekwoon had learned that Jaehwan could sleep through anything in the past two days. The man woke up when he wanted to and that was final.

So Taekwoon didn't even bother to try and wake Jaehwan up and instead stood up with a grumble. He didn't remember much from last night besides talking and drinking for a while, after they had finished the final ideas for Taekwoon and Hwayoung's escape. Taekwoon walked into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator sleepily, eyes scanning the food for something to eat.

He spotted some strawberries and grabbed the hungrily. As he washed them, he felt a chin rest on his shoulder.

"Taek, morning," Jaehwan said, voice raspy and low. Taekwoon smiled and turned to face Jaehwan.

"Hi, are you feeling alright?" Taekwoon asked with a small smile. Jaehwan nodded, arms tightening around Taekwoon's slim waist. 

"My head just hurts a little, but it'll be okay in a bit," Jaehwan said with a slight groan.

Taekwoon held back a giggle. Jaehwan could be quite endearing, Taekwoon realized. It was a cute, soft quality of his that made Taekwoon's heart erupt with fuzziness. Sometimes Jaehwan was the cutest being on Earth. He peeled Jaehwan's arms off from around him and put the bowl of washed strawberries on the counter. Taekwoon popped one in his mouth, fingers holding the green stem gingerly. 

Jaehwan slid onto a stool by the island and sighed, causing Taekwoon to glance over at him curiously. 

Jaehwan shrugged, head held up with his hands. "I'm just really content like this...In a way, I never want it to end. Can't we just stay like this forever?" he said, a cute, dopey smile spreading across his face. 

Taekwoon's heart leaped. He did want things to stay like this, because the calm and the happy made him feel safe and at home. Finally, he had found his true home. "Yeah, I like it like this too," he murmured fondly. 

For a moment, he walked back into the living room, leaving the hungry monster with his precious strawberries on accident. He gathered all the empty bottles of alcohol and put them in the recycling for later, then went back to the kitchen to find his strawberries being inhaled by a still-sleepy Jaehwan. 

"Hey!" he shouted, snatching the bowl out of Jaehwan's hands and clutching it to his chest. "Those are mine!" he pouted, slapping Jaehwan's reaching fingers away. 

"Okay, but technically they're mine since I bought them," Jaehwan argued after swallowing. 

Resistance was impossible when it came to that cute face. Taekwoon huffed a laugh and gave in, offering the bowl with an outstretched hand. "Fine, but only a couple," he said. 

Jaehwan scoffed, muttering under his breath as he plucked out a berry. At the same moment, Taekwoon's phone rang and he dug through his pocket to find it. 

He answered without checking the caller ID. 

"Hello?"

_"Taekwoon!"_

Taekwoon's brow furrowed in confusion. "Kihyu-"

 _"It's Hwayoung!"_ he shouted, breathing shakily after. Taekwoon's heart stopped the moment he heard those words. The way Kihyun sounded, whatever he was about to say seemed bad. Really bad. 

"What is it? What is it, Kihyun?" Taekwoon asked, voice as shaky as his hands were. 

"What's happening, Taek?" Jaehwan had said, but Taekwoon wasn't focused on him, only waiting to hear Kihyun's next words.

_"Ji-Jisoo, she came here. She took Hwayoung from here."_

The bowl of strawberries slipped out of Taekwoon's fingers and shattered on the counter, echoing the sound of Taekwoon's heart in his chest. 

"Taekwoon?!" Jaehwan exclaimed in shock, jumping up from his stool and rushing over to a trembling Taekwoon. 

_"I couldn't stop her since she's Hwayoung's legal guardian. I'm so sorry, I'm-"_

This time it was the phone that fell out of Taekwoon's hand, clattering to the ground. The kitchen was filled with silence, only Kihyun's tinny voice emitting from the phone's speakers. 

"Taekwoon, what happened?" Jaehwan said, grabbing Taekwoon by the shoulders. He searched Taekwoon's face, taking in his shaking eyes and the tears glistening in the corners of them. "Taekwoon, please tell me what's wrong."

Jaehwan's pleading did nothing: for Taekwoon, the world had felt like it stopped, the only sound was the blood rushing in his ears. He sank to the ground, almost unable to process what he just heard

Frustrated, Jaehwan yelled in anger and snatched the phone from the ground. "Who is it? What did you just tell him?" Jaehwan shouted, hand clutching his hair. 

"Oh, my god."

Jaehwan flipped the phone closed and encircled Taekwoon in a hug from behind, squeezing him tightly and holding him close. "Taekwoon, come on, snap out of it," he pled. 

He was jarred out of shock by the sound of his phone ringing again. Jaehwan picked it up and stared at the ID. 

"Taek...it's Jisoo..."

Taekwoon grabbed it out of his hands and flipped it open, jamming it against his ear as she began to speak. 

 _"Ah, Taekwoon, you finally picked up one of my calls. How rare,"_ she said, a despicable sneer in her voice. 

"What did you do to her? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?" he screamed into the receiver, voice strained and shaky.

Jaehwan nearly stepped back in fear. He had never heard Taekwoon so angry before, had never heard him raise his voice, and if he was honest, this version of Taekwoon scared him.

_"I haven't done_ _anything_ _...yet."_

Taekwoon's body shuddered in terror, his fingers curling up and his hand clutching his phone so tightly that the skin turned white.

"You leave her alone...leave her alone..." Taekwook whispered. His face was as pale as a ghost, skin glistening with sweat and red strands plastered to his forehead. Jaehwan watched as it all happened; as Taekwoon shook and screamed, as he pleaded and panicked. He hated every moment of it and he wanted to do something, but he felt frozen.

Jisoo sneered a response, _"If you thought you_ _could_ _get away from me, you were wrong, Taekwoon. You can't escape. I heard your little plan. You really thought you were smart, huh, you dumb bastard. I can't believe_ _my_ _own son is such a dumbass."_

Taekwoon's mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for breath, his words choked in his throat. Jaehwan knew what he wanted to say: 'I'm not your son anymore'. But the terror took over and he complied, making Jaehwan's heart leap out of his chest.

"You're right...I'll be home soon...please don't hurt her...it's not her fault..." Taekwoon said, a glazed look overtaking his eyes. Jaehwan's chest nearly cracked in two at the compliant tone of voice.

They were finally getting somewhere, but now it felt like they had taken two giant steps backwards.

Taekwoon hung up, his arm falling to his side limply.

"I have to go," he said, standing up on unstable legs. Without stumbling, Taekwoon managed to get to the front door, Jaehwan on his heels.

"Taek, please, let me go with you you can't do this alone," Jaehwan pleaded, grabbing onto his fingers and trying to hold him back.

"No. She'll hurt Hwayoung because of you." The reply was monotonous. Unfeeling. The real Taekwoon had shut down, and the armor that Jaehwan had worked so hard to break was back in place.

"Please..." Jaehwan choked out, feeling Taekwoon's fingers slip out of his grasp, let me help. "Taekwoon please, she's going to hurt you too."

The door slammed shut.

\- - -

 

All at once, the world had begun to crash around him.

 

One minute, things were fine. The next, his entire being felt like it was on fire. 

 

Taekwoon was sprinting. The sidewalks seemed endless and his destination felt like it was getting further and further away instead of closer. 

  
His heart ached, both for the way that he pushed Jaehwan away and for the fact that his beloved sister was in harm's way because of his own foolishness.

Taekwoon could only hope that he'd make it back to the house in time; before Jisoo laid a hand on Hwayoung.

Back drenched in sweat, Taekwoon pushed on, legs burning, until he saw the entrance to the run-down subdivision his house was in.

He ran faster even though his body protested. The arm in the cast throbbed in pain and he winced at the feeling.

Taekwoon finally saw the house, all the way in the back of the neighborhood where no one could see them. Its banged-up door stared back at him, the faded red glaring at him furiously.

With two steps, Taekwoon bounded up the front porch and slammed his palm against the front door. It creaked almost ominously as it swung open.

He didn't see anything at first, eyes darting around wildly to find Hwayoung. But he didn't see her. Not at first.

And then he realized they were at the top of the stairs, towering over him. His mother stared down at him, eyes burning with what Taekwoon would say were akin to the fires of hell.

"Hwayoung!" he screamed, knees colliding with the scraped floorboards of the landing. His hands flew together, clasped and praying with all his might. "Please...please let her go..." he pleased, shaking his hands desperately. "Please..."

His mother smirked nastily, claw-like fingers digging into Hwayoung's tiny shoulder. Taekwoon's eyes widened at the sight.

"You think I'll let her go if you beg?" Jisoo snarled as Hwayoung cried out in pain.

The sound alone felt like daggers digging down into Taekwoon's heart. "Do whatever you want to me, just let her go!" he yelled, body shaking in anger now.

Jisoo tilted her head as if she was considering this. "Anything?" she asked curiously, a dangerous glint in her eyes. Taekwoon shivered at the sight.

"Y-yes...as long as you keep Hwayoung out of it," he replied, the tremor that he tried to suppress slipping out anyways.

She smiled.

"Fine," Jisoo growled in agreement, and pushed Hwayoung towards the stairs.

Taekwoon's eyes widened as Hwayoung screeched and lost her balance. With leaps up the stairs on his aching legs, Taekwoon captured her in his arms, encircling her tightly. He wouldn't let her fall. He wouldn't let that happen again. Better himself than her.

Hwayoung shook in his embrace, chest heaving and hiccuping in fear. "Taekwoonie...Taekwoonie I'm sorry," she cried mournfully, tears slithering down her cheeks.

Taekwoon's chest was tight with sadness. "No, it's not your fault baby...It's mine, all mine," he rasped, looking up to his mother, who remained staring down at him from the top of the staircase. Always looking down on him.

He ran fingers through her silky hair, whispering to her that it would be alright. The pain in his arm was increasing, but he ignored it. He could care less.

With one last squeeze, Taekwoon picked her up and carried her to her bed. With one last kiss on her forehead, Taekwoon went to face his punishment.

\- - - 

 

This time it was the familiar cracked ceiling staring down at him. 

 

He didn't know how much time had passed since he left Jaehwan's. Maybe a day or two. Taekwoon felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes again at the simple thought of Jaehwan. 

 

After that morning, he hadn't contacted Jaehwan again. He was aware of the things he had said before he left Jaehwan at his own doorstep and it didn't sit well with him.

 

Taekwoon knew Jaehwan. He knew Jaehwan was trying to be there for him, but his stupid emotional reflexes had pushed back and now Taekwoon felt like he was almost at square one again. 

 

Rolling over on his side, Taekwoon grabbed his phone and clicked through his contacts. It landed on Jaehwan's smiling face. 

 

Taekwoon's hand gravitated to his heart, gripping the fabric of his shirt in his hand as the tears poured out and dripped down his cheeks. 

 

"I'm sorry...I want you back..." he whispered with a choked voice. Fingers traced over the scrawling signature on his mangled cast, the ink fading. Taekwoon didn't like that. 

 

It was finally clear to Taekwoon, as he lay there in a cesspool of sadness, that he had fallen in love with Jaehwan. It wasn't just a crush: Jaehwan meant more to him than he'd realized. 

 

He could only hope that the shining sun would accept the love of a dark, dark shadow. 


	21. Interlude

  
**November 1st, 2017**

 **-** Day 3...maybe. Taekwoon didn't know. He'd lost track of time.

He was dragged out of his room by the arm and thrown on the floor, the pink cast of the other arm cracking painfully on the ground. His body curled in a ball, trying to hide from her searching hands.

Hands that hurt.

Taekwoon didn't know how long he could survive this. As long as Hwayoung was safe...

**November 4th, 2017**

\- Today he had glasses thrown at him. One spot. He missed one spot when he was washing them and now they were being hurled at him.

The sound of glass shattering against the wooden floors and the drywall pained his ears.

He dodged as another came whistling past his ear, almost hitting him in the eye. Taekwoon sank to the floor, knowing that was the last one. There were no more glasses to drink out of.

As his body shook in fear, he remembered what it was all for.

**November** **8th, 2017**

\- He gazed at the pattern of pretty bruises painting his face. His cheekbones were yellowish, his red hair was faded and his roots were starting to seep through.

A finger stroked his marred cheek and he watched as it traced over his pain.

Taekwoon's reflection in the mirror stared back at him, eyes dark and almost dead. With slow movements, he glanced down at the cast that was once pink, finding the signature that was still there.

The one thing that gave him hope that it would all be over soon.

He hoped.

Taekwoon couldn't take much more of this.

So Taekwoon carefully ripped away the pink gauze with the faded ink on it and placed the fragment in his jar of razors.

Never again. He prayed it would remind him of whom he was really fighting for.

**November 10th, 2017** _6:13 P.M._

\- She hadn't been back in a day. Taekwoon's hands were shaking in glee as his fingers slithered under his mattress to hook onto his phone.

With trembling hands, Taekwoon dialed Jaehwan's number and listened intently as it rang.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," he chanted under his breath. If this call didn't go through Taekwoon didn't know what he'd do.

" _Hello_?"

Taekwoon's chest flooded with relief, his whole body relaxing at just the sound of his love's voice.

"J-Jaehwan," he murmured.

 _"Taekwoon! Taek, are you okay?!_ " Jaehwan shrieked.

"I'm not doing that great...but Hwayoung is okay and that's what matters..." he sighed,

 _"You matter too, Taekwoon_ ," Jaehwan said immediately, his voice a mixture of anger and sadness.

"I...I do. Aha, I'm sorry, I almost forgot," he replied with a shaky laugh. He ran a shaking hand through his hair. His trembling made him feel like crying.

" _Has she hurt you? She has, hasn't she? I swear to god I'm-"_

"It's okay," Taekwoon cut in softly, "I have a plan."

Jaehwan gasped and Taekwoon couldn't help but smile a little. He was adorable no matter the situation. "Oh my god, really?! That's great!"

Taekwoon lay down on his bed, facing the doorway so he could see if she came home.

"Tomorrow, she has something mandatory at work for two days. If she doesn't go she'll be fired and even Jisoo knows she can't do that. She's too selfish to lose the only thing that keeps her alive," he explained quietly, fiddling with a strand of hair nervously.

" _You're_ _going_ _to come over_?" Jaehwan asked, voice happy. Taekwoon's heart swelled with love for him.

"Yeah, only for the day and night. I'll bring Hwayoung. But I can't risk any longer...not when I don't have custody..." he murmured. He prayed that this plan would work.

 _"It sounds good. As long as you're staying safe, okay?"_ Jaehwan replied.

Taekwoon smiled. It was small, but it was a smile nevertheless.

"Listen, I-"

The front door slammed shut.

Taekwoon froze. She was back.

"I-I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, Jae," Taekwoon whispered.

With quick movements, he flipped the phone shut before Jaehwan could even respond and shoved it under the mattress.

Then the door swung open.

_8:17 P.M._

"If you're not here when I get back, there will be consequences, Taekwoon. Remember that," Jisoo hissed, giving Taekwoon's limp body one more kick in the ribs.

He understood.

**November 11th, 2017** _7:48 A.M._

As soon as the beat up car had started, Taekwoon burst into Hwayoung's room with an apple and a backpack.

"Here, eat this Hwahwa. We're going to see one of my friends for the day and night, okay?" he said as he handed her the shiny red fruit.

"Is it the nice gray haired guy?" she asked, taking a bite out of the apple.

Taekwoon bustled about the room, throwing some of her clothes in the backpack.

"Yes, it's him. But shh, we can't tell her about this or we'll be in big trouble, okay?"

Hwayoung nodded, chomping on the fruit happily.

"Ready?" he asked, slinging the backpack over his shoulder.

She hopped off the bed and turned her bedside lamp off. "Yep!"

Hand in hand, brother and sister walked out of their prison for a day of freedom.


	22. All the Way

  
Taekwoon couldn't help the way his heart pounded as they walked down the street. He felt giddy; the happiest he'd been all week.

He could finally see him, finally talk to him, and maybe finally tell him how he felt.

But no, Taekwoon wasn't that brave. Tell Jaehwan that he was in love with him? Taekwoon didn't have the guts.

So instead he just gripped Hwayoung's hand tightly and continued the journey. Their vacation to safety would be short lived for now, but a break was a break and Taekwoon would take anything he could get.

The city was loud that morning: cars whooshing by, horns honking, people talking. Taekwoon felt the wind graze his hair, ruffling the faded red strands. He tilted his head to the sky, his heart warming at the sight of the pink and orange morning clouds. Hwayoung's hand was gripped in his, secure and safe.

Taekwoon felt good this morning.

Jaehwan's apartment was in the middle of the city, but it wasn't far from Taekwoon's house. The walk there was nice; nicer than his desperate sprint from before.

After a half hour, Taekwoon finally saw the building in front of them, towering above the streets in its shining modern glory.

Taekwoon gulped as he walked up the stairs, not knowing quite why he was so jittery. Happiness could be a part of it, but Taekwoon also felt in his gut that something good would happen that day.

Hwayoung skipped ahead of him, dancing a little as she walked. "Is this the door?" she asked excitedly. Taekwoon nodded with a small smile, heart beating out of his chest.

She knocked incessantly, jumping with excitment. Taekwoon observed with a smile; he'd never been so anxious to see a single person's face before. Jaehwan meant the world to him. Taekwoon had never expected to feel this way towards someone ever again, but here he was, neck deep in love with a man that looked at Taekwoon like he actually mattered.

After what felt like ages, but was in reality less than a minute, the apartment door swung open. Hwayoung bolted inside, immediately pouncing on the couch with a gleeful yell. She could finally have some freedom to be a kid. 

And now Taekwoon was falling into Jaehwan's open arms with a happy sigh, chin pillowing on the man's shoulders and arms locked around his waist. Jaehwan melted into him, smoothing down the wild, faded strands of Taekwoon's hair with a warm, calming hand. Taekwoon pressed himself against Jaehwan as if he was afraid that letting go would mean never seeing him again. 

"Woonie..." Jaehwan murmured, warmth in his voice and lips upturned in a relieved smile. God, Taekwoon had missed that voice. He burrowed further into Jaehwan's chest, arms clinging so tightly around his waist that Jaehwan nearly stumbled. "Woah woah, let's go inside first, love," Jaehwan said with a soft giggle, hands still caressing the top of Taekwoon's head. He tugged Taekwoon away a little, hands now encircling his upper arms gently. 

Taekwoon's heart stuttered in his chest at the nickname. He'd never had the experience of a pleasantry like and endearing nickname and the word felt like music to his ears. Before his face could get any redder, he unwrapped himself from Jaehwan's embrace, albeit reluctantly, and pulled him inside. 

He entered the living room and sank into the loveseat, pulling his knees to his chest. He rested his chin on top , watching as Jaehwan turned on cartoons for Hwayoung. She never got to watch many cartoons these days. Those kinds of thoughts were now leaking into Taekwoon's head, causing his skin to prickle and brain muddle into a gray soup of "what if's" and other worries. 

What if Jisoo found them here?

What if Jisoo came back earlier than she was supposed to?

What if...

"Woon? Taekwoon?" 

Jaehwan's voice was once again the force that brought him back to earth. His pale lips parted, but nothing came out. Taekwoon wanted to say something, but all he got was a tear trickling down his cheek. 

Jaehwan immediately left Hwayoung's side after making sure she was focused on the TV and crawled onto the couch next to him, eyes attentive and hands tentative. His right hand moved to cup Taekwoon's jaw, thumb stroking his cheek soothingly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jaehwan said, voice soft and concerned. Taekwoon's heart thumped and he smiled sadly, leaning into the warmth of his skin.

"Nothing...I'm just worrying..." he responded minutely.

Jaehwan frowned, displeased by the answer. "You can tell me, you know? I don't bite," he said wryly, a tiny chuckle escaping his lips. The sound of the TV blared in the background, Hwayoung's giggles filling the silence as Taekwoon averted his eyes.

"I know...It's not you, I'm just nervous about this still," Taekwoon responded, still not looking at Jaehwan in the eye. Jaehwan's thumb caressed his cheekbone, feather-like touches on his skin.

"It'll be okay. Trust me, alright? You're safe here now. You have time," Jaehwan whispered with an air of finality, fingers drawing away from Taekwoon's face to wrap around his shoulders. Taekwoon turned with a resigned sigh, laying down in Jaehwan's arms, head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking in the sound of Jaehwan's breathing and Hwayoung's laughs of joy.

"Thank you," he said, opening them with a deep exhalation. Jaehwan's body was warm against his back, comforting him and coincidentally melting all his worries away. Jaehwan was like that: warm when Taekwoon was so, so cold, freezing and helpless. Jaehwan was always there to pick him back up. Even after how Taekwoon had acted before, terrified for Hwayoung, Jaehwan was still here. Still ready, waiting with open arms, for Taekwoon to come back to him.

"For what?" Jaehwan asked, fingers carding through Taekwoon's hair slowly, the way he liked it.

Taekwoon couldn't put all of that into words. "For everything," he murmured. Jaehwan smiled down at him, fondness evident in his eyes.

"It's what I'm supposed to do. And I want to as well," he replied. Taekwoon wasn't sure what Jaehwan meant by that, but he smiled anyways and decided to let it go. Maybe he'd ask at a later date, but Taekwoon was tired of all this sad stuff for the moment. He was with the boy he had a crush on and he'd spend their fleeting time as best he could. He snuggled into Jaehwan a little deeper with a turn of his head, nose pressing against Jaehwan's shoulder.

"Mm..." he hummed contentedly. These were the moments Taekwoon wanted forever. Months ago, he never would have imagined anything like this. But now, Taekwoon could see it. He could see himself actually being happy, and even if he'd never truly be whole again, at least he'd have that happiness. 

As all his negative thoughts swirled down the drain, Taekwoon closed his eyes and basked in the pure warmth of Jaehwan and his precious little sister's laughs. He fell asleep to the sound of her giggles of happiness, and if he wasn't honest, he'd never slept so well in years.

\- - - 

The red and oranges of the sunset painted the walls of Jaehwan's kitchen, enveloping the room in an unexpected warmth. Taekwoon rested his chin in the palm of his hand, gazing out at the cotton candy clouds and the colored sky. It was a beautiful sight, a reminder of the day on the rooftop at school, where the two had really talked for the first time. 

Jaehwan walked into the kitchen, only to see the boy he loved drenched in the colors of the sky. His heartbeat stuttered in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to sweep Taekwoon into his arms and kiss him. The longing in his heart burned him to the point where he had to avert his eyes. 

He approached quietly, playing with the strings of his sweater a little nervously. Jaehwan wasn't usually one to have nerves, but tonight the beating of his heart seemed so loud, like a cacophony of voices screaming in his ears. 

"Hey, Taek," Jaehwan spoke, trying to tune out the sound of his blood pumping in his ears and focus only on Taekwoon. 

Taekwoon turned towards him with his lips parted curiously, an eyebrow raised a little. "Yeah?" Jaehwan's breath was nearly stolen out of his chest at what the dying rays of sun did to Taekwoon's faded red hair and dark, dark eyes. He glowed. 

Jaehwan clenched his fist to keep himself from pouncing on Taekwoon and kissing the life out of him. 

"D-do you maybe want to go get some dinner? I know it might be a little late but I didn't think you'd eaten much today so..." Jaehwan asked, rubbing his neck with the back of his hand. 

Taekwoon laughed a little and slipped off of the barstool he had been sitting on. "Yeah, I'm actually sort of starving for once," he started, pausing when he saw Jaehwan blush. "Aren't I supposed to be the shy one?" Jaehwan gaped at Taekwoon's abnormal outspokenness. 

"I guess...? But yeah, let's go," Jaehwan blubbered, grabbing his coat off the coatrack near the door. This was so unlike him and it was sort of unnerving, but he couldn't help but be nervous. Jaehwan wanted to tell Taekwoon how he felt tonight, before he lost his chance and before anything else horrible happened. Taekwoon had to know, and Jaehwan had to tell him. Just the thought made his nerves skyrocket, but he told himself that he'd be fine, and that everything would be okay in the end. 

"I'll just go get Hwayoung," Taekwoon said, slipping his shoes on and migrating to the living room where Hwayoung was sprawled on the couch. Jaehwan watched fondly as she woke from her slumber and sleepily threw her arms around Taekwoon's neck. Jaehwan could never forget the smiles that Taekwoon gave Hwayoung, full of love and adoration, but sometimes a tinge of sadness too.

Hwayoung hummed as Taekwoon picked her up, cradling her in his arms. "We're going to get something to eat, okay Hwahwa?" Taekwoon murmured. Hwayoung nodded against his shoulder, yawning tiredly. "Mm, good girl," Taekwoon said, stroking her hair softly. 

"Let's go," Jaehwan said, smiling like he couldn't stop. He was so glad that Taekwoon was happier. 

The three exited the apartment and walked into the dimming night in search of food for their growling bellies. Jaehwan walked with almost a skip in his step, arms swinging. Every so often, his arm would brush against Taekwoon's and his pulse would spike momentarily, the tips of his ears growing red. Jaehwan really didn't know what was up with himself tonight. 

The night was cool: not too hot, not too cold. Finally Jaehwan found the place he'd been looking for and grinned at Taekwoon, who was still holding a snoring Hwayoung. "Is here alright?" he asked, unsure if Taekwoon would like his choice. 

Taekwoon nodded and smiled back, eyes dazzling. "Yes, it looks wonderful." Jaehwan flushed and quickly opened the door for him before following Taekwoon inside. 

The lighting of the restaraunt was dim and warm, the atmosphere cozy. Jaehwan saw Taekwoon relax even more at the homey feel of the place and he was instantly glad that he had chosen this place. 

"Table for three?" the hostess asked with a smile. Jaehwan nodded in response, placing a guiding hand on the small of Taekwoon's back as she led them to a table. 

They slid into their chairs, Hwayoung immediately grabbing her paper kid's menu and a crayon. Taekwoon observed her for a moment, eyes creased at the corner with happiness. Jaehwan would give anything to see Taekwoon happy like that for the rest of his life. 

"Get anything you want," Jaehwan said, gesturing towards the menu in Taekwoon's hands. Taekwoon nodded slowly and Jaehwan had to stop himself from giggling at the adorably curious expression Taekwoon was making. His heart melted at the sight, a gooey mess of a puddle in the center of his chest cavity, warm and satisfying. Jaehwan yearned for more of these domestic moments, crossed his fingers and prayed to a god he didn't believe in, that this sort of moment would be a regular occurrence in their future. 

"Anything?" Taekwoon asked shyly, eyes widening at what Jaehwan assumed were the prices. He looked up at Jaehwan quickly, bewildered at how in the world something could be so expensive. 

Jaehwan insisted, nodding vigorously. He pat his coat pocket, where his wallet was stored away safely. "Yep, whatever you want, Taek."

Taekwoon's lips formed an "o" of surprise, scanning the menu again for something he wanted. Jaehwan just smiled and looked at his own menu, thumbing through the pages easily. Jaehwan loved this place, and even though it was expensive, he believed it was worth it. High quality food, amazing atmosphere, and now, an amazing person right beside him. Could it get any better?

Well, Jaehwan figured, it could. He would tell Taekwoon how he felt and if accepted, Jaehwan's day would be more amazing by ten fold. Maybe, Jaehwan thought, he should. He should confess. His love for Taekwoon was ever growing, building up against the walls of his heart, filling his entire being, waiting to break out and overtake him. Jaehwan had admitted to himself weeks ago that he was utterly, wholly in love with Jung Taekwoon, and all he had to do now was be a little brave.

Their waitress made her way over and spoke cheerily, snapping Jaehwan out of his thoughts. "What can I get you three?" she asked, pen poised over her paper.

Jaehwan rattled out their orders, asking Hwayoung politely what she wanted. The waitress left as quickly as she'd arrived. 

It was silent for a couple heartbeats, but it wasn't stagnant and stiff. Rather, the atmosphere felt full and comfortable. Jaehwan could see Taekwoon eye him over the lip of the glass he was sipping from and he laughed quietly. 

"What's up, Taek? You look like you want to ask me something," Jaehwan said, unwrapping his silverware from his napkin and draping the dark blue cloth over his lap. Taekwoon fidgeted for a moment, glass still in hand, before setting it down with a quiet clank. 

Quietness rang through the restaraunt for a second, before Taekwoon spoke up. "Say, Jaehwan, how do you have enough money to pay for this?" Jaehwan nearly froze, blood going cold as ice for an instant before thawing back to its normal state. "I mean, we are broke college students, right? I'd never be able to pay for any of this even if I had a job," Taekwoon muttered, glancing around the restaraunt. Jaehwan was grateful that his eyes weren't on him for a moment and took a deep breath. 

"My parents send me a lot of money every month or so. They're...rather wealthy and don't know what to do with all their money, so I guess they just send it to me..." Jaehwan responded, voice steady. 

Taekwoon nodded, seeming to understand him. "I sometimes wish that I'd rather have millionaire parents that didn't give a crap about me, rather than someone that's there, is broke, and still could care less," Taekwoon murmured, sighing bitterly and glancing over at Hwayoung with a smile on his lips. 

God, Jaehwan could never get over the butterflies that surged in his chest and stomach when he saw smile, no matter the context nor the reason. Jaehwan really needed to tell him soon, before he snapped and couldn't hold it in anymore. 

Jaehwan just nodded, grateful that his long hair hid the rising redness of his ears. "You're right, they're never around, but somehow I don't mind," Jaehwan started, glancing out the window across the restaraunt, simultaneously willing the tips of his ears to return to their normal color.  "Maybe it's because they've been gone since practically the beginning. But I'm grateful for the extra money on occasion, as well."

Taekwoon nodded, staring at his fingers. He immediately perked up seconds later, as their waitress was approaching with their steaming plates of food. "It looks so good..." he whispered, eyes starry and excited at just the sight of a good meal. 

"Yes! Food, food, food!" Hwayoung cheered, pushing her drawing to the side without another care in the world. Jaehwan couldn't help but laugh at how adorable she was. For a split second, he realized her excitement might stem from the fact that her family rarely had proper meals to eat. The thought left a gross churning in his stomach, so Jaehwan pushed it away and focused on snatching one of Taekwoon's french fries when he wasn't paying attention. Jaehwan snickered at his seemingly successful steal, only to be silenced with a glare from Taekwoon, who immediately stole one of Jaehwan's back. He chewed it in satisfaction, the twinkle in his eyes staring straight at Jaehwan like a shining star. 

Jaehwan was once again reminded that this was already one of the best nights of his life. 

\- - -

They returned back to the apartment after dark, the moon now hiding behind the pale blue clouds of the midnight sky. The city lights left few stars visible, but the night sky was still beautiful. 

Hwayoung was settled in bed now, falling asleep in mere minutes. Taekwoon had stroked her hair lovingly as she drifted into dream land, adoration seeping from his every pore. He loved her so much, he'd give anything for his precious baby sister.

Taekwoon rose from the bed and closed the door behind him quietly. He wasn't horribly exhausted yet and he knew Jaehwan was still awake, the soft buzzing of the television seeping into the hallway as he walked down it. His eyes caught the pictures in Jaehwan's hallway again, this time settling on one of what was clearly himself. It was the day on the rooftop, the sky illuminated by pinks and reds and the beginnings of shining stars. Taekwoon liked that day. 

Jaehwan was sprawled on the couch when Taekwoon walked in, palm holding his head up, elbow resting on the arm of the furniture. He turned when he heard Taekwoon enter and changed his position, moving his legs so that Taekwoon could sit down as well. "Sit," he murmured, patting the now open spot beside him. 

Taekwoon sat down, scooting closer to Jaehwan than he probably needed to be. What could he say? He liked being close to Jaehwan. He liked it a lot.

"Is she asleep?" Jaehwan asked, hand now resting on Taekwoon's knee comfortingly. Taekwoon nodded, distracted by the sensation of Jaehwan's hand on his leg. He swore it had inched up ever so slightly. 

"Taek?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, she's out cold. Been a long day of excitement, I guess." Jaehwan nodded at this, and now Taekwoon was sure that Jaehwan's hand was moving. It was at Taekwoon's midthigh now, fingers drumming thoughtfully against the fabric of his jeans. Taekwoon felt something inside him alight, almost like a fire. It burned, making him gulp as Jaehwan's fingers flattened against his thigh and moved towards the inner area. 

"Taek, I wanted to tell you something," Jaehwan murmured, hand stilling in its place. Taekwoon raised his eyes, looking at Jaehwan. He was staring at the floor, the exposed tips of his ears a flaming red. Taekwoon would have laughed has his heart not been beating out of his chest at the moment. 

"Y-yeah?' he asked, cursing inside when his words stuttered nervously. His heartbeat became even rapider. Jaehwan had looked up and was staring into his eyes, their faces just inches apart now. Their thighs pressed together, the warmth spreading through Taekwoon's body. A thousand emotions rushed through his body, making him anxious and excited and scared and overjoyed at the same time. He didn't even know why yet; didn't even know what Jaehwan was going to tell him. 

"I like you."

The breath nearly left Taekwoon's lungs. He couldn't believe this was happening. This was real and it was happening and Taekwoon's heart felt like it was in his throat, but not in a bad way. "You- you mean-"

"Yes. I'm in love with you," Jaehwan said firmly, but his eyes were swimming with emotion that told Taekwoon that his brain and heart were probably going absolutely haywire, similar to Taekwoon's. 

Taekwoon's eyes suddenly flitted to Jaehwan's lips. Jaehwan noticed and mirrored Taekwoon before raising his gaze back to meet Taekwoon's. He inched closer, pressing their thighs closer together, the hand that wasn't gripping Taekwoon's thigh coming to cup Taekwoon's face. Jaehwan's thumb stroked his cheek, a gesture that made Taekwoon's heart flutter with joy and left him feeling almost short of breath at the same time. 

Taekwoon couldn't take it anymore. He leaned forward and closed the gap, his lips pressing against Jaehwan's softly, a hint of desperation present behind the softness and sweetness. Jaehwan gasped in surprise and Taekwoon kissed him deeper, begging him to respond. Jaehwan did, kissing him back with a fervor and a fire that Taekwoon had never experienced before. 

Jaehwan's other hand found purchase in Taekwoon's hair now, fingers curling around the faded red strands as they kissed. Taekwoon held Jaehwan's face in his with both of his hands, fingers brushing against the soft hair near the nape of his neck. Their noses bumped together once or twice, causing Jaehwan to smile into the kiss sweetly. 

Taekwoon never wanted this to end, never wanted to stop kissing Jaehwan and showing him how much he loved him. But he couldn't, and pulled away as he needed a moment to breathe. His shoulders heaved, but Taekwoon could feel a huge smile breaking out on his face. He laughed, real and giddy and overjoyed. He'd never felt this amazing in his life.

"I like you too, Jae," Taekwoon replied, pressing their foreheads together as they caught their breath, hearts pounding and pupils blown wide with love and lust at the same time. A few seconds later they were kissing again and Taekwoon was climbing onto Jaehwan's lap, arms slung around his neck and knees on either side of Jaehwan's legs. 

He almost shivered when Jaehwan's hands slid underneath his shirt, caressing his skin lightly yet leaving Taekwoon's skin feeling like it was burning. Taekwoon hadn't felt this way in so long, his brain turning to mush at just the simple activity of kissing. Kissing someone you loved, he had come to realize in this short period of time, was ten times better than anything else in the world. He trembled as Jaehwan's cold fingertips traced patterns on Taekwoon's backside. His hands clenched into fists and he broke their heated exchange, leaning his forehead against Jaehwan's shoulder in another vain attempt to calm his breathing. Mind blown, Taekwoon climbed off of Jaehwan, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

He grabbed Jaehwan into a hug, laying his head against Jaehwan's chest and listening to the rapid beating of his heart. It was reassuring that Jaehwan had felt just as nervous and excited by everything that had just happened. 

Jaehwan's hands sifted through Taekwoon's slightly sweat-dampened locks now, his usual calming strokes having returned in contrast to the tugging just moments ago. 

"Taek," Jaehwan whispered, nosing into his hair and placing a kiss at his hairline. 

"Mm," Taekwoon responded, cuddling into him further. 

"Be my boyfriend?" 

Taekwoon, for once, didn't hesitate in something. He knew what he wanted. And even though he was scared, Taekwoon had confidence in himself for one of the first times in his life. 

"Of course, Jae."

He smiled into Jaehwan's shoulder, relishing the feeling of someone holding him close, loving him and appreciating him for who he was. Taekwoon wished this could last forever. 

He let his worries go for just one night and slept peacefully, not a nightmare in sight, no tossing and turning, and a warmth that he usually never felt settled in his chest. 


	23. To Hell...

 

Taekwoon wasn't as afraid the next morning. He felt content and safe and even though he had to return to that hell hole of a house, something about it didn't feel as dreadful. Perhaps it was because he was confident that Jaehwan would be by his side now.

His boyfriend.

Taekwoon nearly choked on his cereal when he remembered and Jaehwan looked at him quizzically, mouthing "You okay?", to which Taekwoon nodded furiously. A blush had erupted on his cheeks and he looked down in embarrassment. Way to go, Taekwoon.

He quickly finished his breakfast and went to check on Hwayoung in the living room. He caught sight of her on the living room floor, eyes transfixed on the flashing colors of the TV screen. Taekwoon placed a hand on her head and rubbed it affectionately. The smile on her face when she met his eyes was nearly blinding and Taekwoon hated to be the reason it would fall off her face, like a flower wilting.

"Hey, Hwahwa...are you ready to go? We have to get back soon," he murmured with a wry smile on his lips. Hwayoung's smile immediately faded away and she pouted.

"Do we have to?" she said quietly, a sadness in her voice that broke Taekwoon's heart. He wanted to stay and he wanted to keep her safe, but there were obstacles they needed to tackle first.

Taekwoon frowned and picked her up in his arms, holding her on his hip. She was starting to get a little bit too big to be carried. "Yeah baby, I'm sorry. But hopefully we can come back soon! Okay?" he replied, attempting to keep his voice rather cheerful.

Hwayoung wrapped her arms around Taekwoon's neck, head resting on his shoulder. "Mm...as long as we can come back," she whispered, snuggling further into his embrace.

Taekwoon smiled sadly and went to find Jaehwan in the kitchen.

His boyfriend was standing at the island, spoon stirring sugar into his mug of coffee almost absentmindedly.

"Jae," Taekwoon called out to him softly.

Jaehwan turned towards him and let a smile spread across his features. He put the spoon down and made his way over to the pair of siblings.

"Hey, Taek," he murmured, placing a gentle hand on Hwayoung's head. He glanced at her sweetly before meeting Taekwoon's eyes, love and affection sparkling in them.

"Hi," he responded, inching closer to Jaehwan. Jaehwan smiled and placed a soft, chaste kiss on Taekwoon's lips.

Their hands intertwined, Jaehwan's own hand squeezing Taekwoon's in comfort. "It'll be okay, Taekwoon. You'll make it back in time and then we'll get you guys out. Soon," Jaehwan said quietly, caressing Taekwoon's hand with his thumb soothingly.

Taekwoon nodded and took a deep breath. He exhaled and released Jaehwan's hand, letting his form of comfort go for the time-being.

He grabbed Hwayoung's little backpack and threw it over his other shoulder. He stepped towards the door, only to be stopped one last time by Jaehwan's soft "Wait..."

Taekwoon turned briefly, hand on the doorknob.

"Come to class today, if you can. The guys miss you, Taek," Jaehwan said, a hopeful smile on his lips.

"Okay, I'll try," Taekwoon replied. He wanted to see his friends now, so he decided he would. No matter what Jisoo said.

With a last wave, Taekwoon turned from Jaehwan and exited the apartment.

\- - -  
  
Taekwoon and Hwayoung made it inside the house before Jisoo returned. It felt like another weight had been lifted off Taekwoon's shoulders. For now. He sent Hwayoung to her room first before heading to the kitchen to see if they actually had any food for them to eat. One glance at the inside of the refrigerator and Taekwoon was sighing in annoyance. It was practically empty, and the pantry was the same.

After his afternoon class he'd stop and get groceries. Maybe then, they'd actually be able to last in the house a little longer. Taekwoon searched for any spare money he could find, pulling out a ten from a jar on the counter. He found money in the oddest of places sometimes, but he could never complain as long as it was there.

He scribbled down a note for Jisoo so she wouldn't freak out completely and hoped she had some inkling of trust left for him in her entire being.

With that, he went to lay down for the half hour he had to spare before he would have to leave. Taekwoon wondered if he should drop Hwayoung off at Kihyun's and decided it was for the best. What if Jisoo didn't take his note seriously?

The time flew by in what felt like seconds and Jisoo still wasn't back, so Taekwoon pulled himself up off of his bed rather reluctantly. Pulling on a new sweater (God, he really loved sweaters), Taekwoon took another deep breath and grabbed his keys and thin, thin wallet.

After snatching his backpack, he knocked on Hwayoung's door and told her to get ready. She was done within minutes.

"Where are we going, Taekwoonie?" she asked as they made their way down the street. The streets were quiet today, only a couple of cars in sight and very few people. The skies seemed darker than normal somehow. Maybe it was the large clouds that loomed in the distance, or maybe it was just Taekwoon's imagination.

"You're going to Kihyun's for now and I'm going to school for an hour," he said, squeezing her little hand a bit tighter. "If Jisoo shows up, try to not make her angry, okay?" Taekwoon told her, in hopes that she'd be safer if Jisoo did show up unannounced again.

Hwayoung nodded in understanding and Taekwoon prayed that his baby sister would be just fine.

\- - -

Taekwoon walked into the lecture hall ten minutes early. Having thought about it on the way there, he'd realized that he hadn't seen his friends in weeks. His heart felt incredibly heavy at the thought.

As soon as the doors closed behind him, he felt several pairs of eyes turn towards him in curiosity.

"Taekwoon!" An excited voice had called out. Taekwoon turned to find the voice and was met with Hakyeon colliding into him. The impact caused Taekwoon to squeak loudly, but the tight arms around his waist were very comforting and secure. He melted into Hakyeon's embrace with a tiny giggle, gently patting the older boy on the head.

"Hi, Hakyeon," he said quietly. Hakyeon grinned up at him and finally released the death grip he had on Taekwoon's waist.

"How are you, Taekwoon? We've missed you bunches!" Hakyeon exclaimed, rubbing Taekwoon's shoulders endearingly.

Taekwoon started to open his mouth to reply but was cut off by two more pairs of arms wrapping around him. Loud choruses of his "Taekwoon" filled his ears and Taekwoon had never been more grateful to hear his own name.

"Hongbin, Wonshik. I missed you too," he said with a smile, wrapping his arms around the big group of friends that he was trapped inside.

"We're so glad you're okay," Hongbin said warmly, his dimples poking out with the size of his smile. Taekwoon felt fuzzy and warm inside, his chest overflowing with affection for the three boys that embraced him. He knew that they wouldn't leave him behind like everyone else had.

The hug finally broke after a minute of laughing and squeezing and Taekwoon's eyes landed on Jaehwan, who seemed to be watching from afar with an amused look on his face. Taekwoon bid goodbye to his friends and walked over to his boyfriend.

Boyfriend; that word still sent shivers of warmth and happiness up his spine and made his fingertips tingle.  
"You made it," Jaehwan said with a smile.

"I made it," Taekwoon confirmed, approaching him and sliding his hand into Jaehwan's. That same comforting, warm and familiar hand. Fingers intertwined, the two sat down at their desk and awaited the start of class. Taekwoon hoped this would be worth it.

\- - -

They were on their way to pick up Hwayoung together, now. Taekwoon was feeling light and happy, his heart filled with only love and affection for his friends and Jaehwan.

The only unsettling thing was Sanghyuk. The younger had stared at Taekwoon during the whole lesson, eyes piercing and judgmental. Jaehwan had seemed perturbed by it and kept angrily typing messages to Sanghyuk from under his desk. He was ignored every time.

Taekwoon wasn't sure why Sanghyuk was acting that way. Was he jealous? Did he dislike Taekwoon? Taekwoon hoped not. Sanghyuk seemed like he was important to Jaehwan and he didn't want to ruin that. He had pushed his only troubling thoughts to the back of his mind since Jaehwan had reassured him and told him not to worry.

They had walked in a happy silence, finally reaching the daycare after a half hour. The bell on the door jingled as the pair walked in.

Taekwoon glanced around, puzzled by the odd quietude that enveloped the building.

"Kihyun? Kihyun, are you here?" Taekwoon asked loudly, a tinge of uneasiness creeping into his voice.

"Taekwoon, is it ever like this?" Jaehwan asked quietly, a hand coming to rest on top of Taekwoon's shoulder.

Taekwoon shook his head. "No, and even if it was nap time it's never this quiet. Something feels off, Jae," Taekwoon explained, trying to stay composed.

The two creeped past the reception desk and into the play area, only to be met with more silence and a deserted room. "Kihyun, Hwayoung? Are you guys not here?" Taekwoon called, gripping onto Jaehwan's hand tightly.

They turned around and left the play area, Taekwoon leading. There was a single light flickering in the back of the building, ominous and almost frightening. "Do you think they're back there?" Jaehwan asked.

Taekwoon shrugged, completely puzzled. "I don't know, but we can try." His heart was beating out of his chest and his throat felt tighter than usual. Taekwoon was scared of what he might find. Shoulders tensed and fingers still interlocked with Jaehwan's, they crept towards the back of the building, towards the flickering light source.

"Ki?" Taekwoon asked again.

A muffled response.

"Did you hear that?" Taekwoon asked. Jaehwan nodded. They proceeded forward, finally reaching the lightbulb that was flickering as if it wasn't screwed in all the way.

There was a door there, labeled Employee's Only.

"Taekwoon!" The voice came from behind the door, still muffled, and sounding slightly distressed.

"Kihyun?!" Taekwoon burst, letting go of Jaehwan's hand to pull open the door with both hands wrapped around the doorknob tightly.

The door swung open, revealing Kihyun and the receptionist huddled in a corner of the room, several small children scattered around them looking scared and worried. Taekwoon quickly realized that Hwayoung was not there.

"Oh my god, what happened? Where's Hwayoung?" Taekwoon fretted, rushing into the room and patting down Kihyun's shoulders to check if he was still intact.

"I'm okay, we're okay. But Jisoo. She came back and she was sober, but she screamed at all of us and grabbed Hwayoung. She told me not to call you or the police or Hwayoung would be in serious trouble. So I didn't, I'm sorry," Kihyun explained, trying not to stumble over his words, hands shaking.

Taekwoon shook his head, grabbing Kihyun's hands. "No, it's okay, thank you so much for doing your best to look after Hwayoung," Taekwoon said, doing his best to reassure Kihyun while keeping himself calm at the same time. Despite the somewhat calm smile on his face, Taekwoon felt panicked and scared, like a giant bucket of ice water had been dumped over his head and run him cold from head to toe.

"Why are you in here, Kihyun?" Jaehwan said from behind Taekwoon, finally speaking up.

Kihyun looked from Taekwoon to Jaehwan, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Taekwoon sighed, quickly explaining. "He's my boyfriend, Jaehwan."

"Oh." Jaehwan nodded in acknowledgement. Kihyun fidgeted a little, closing his eyes tiredly. "Well, after she screamed at me, she made me give her my phone. She smashed it to pieces, then forced us all into this room. It's kind of faulty so it locks from the inside sometimes. It's a bit of a hazard, but normally when it happens employees have their phones so..." Kihyun shrugged.

Jaehwan nodded. "Okay, well I guess it's good that we came here then. Let's get out of this place," Jaehwan suggested, holding open the door so that everyone could exit safely.

The kids, Kihyun, and other employees filed out of the dinky little break room and into the hallway.

"I'll call the police real quick, you guys go back to the front and wait for me, okay Taek?" Jaehwan said, rubbing Taekwoon on the back soothingly.

Taekwoon nodded, trying to keep himself from falling apart right that moment. It hurt so badly that he couldn't protect anyone. Everyone was always in danger because of him and he hated that with all his being.

\- - -

"J. It's me," Jaehwan started, once everyone was out of earshot.

He sighed heavily. "I know, shut up. I need you to do something for me. Don't worry, it's fine."

Jaehwan rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Watch the house for me. Don't go in unless you hear anything suspicious, okay? I'm going to keep him here with me so we can get a clear plan going."

A few seconds of the other line speaking.

"Okay, thank you," Jaehwan murmured.

Then, he called the police and let them know what had happened.

\- - -

"I need to go get her. I have to go back," Taekwoon fretted, knees bouncing up and down anxiously. He sat on the edge of the bench near the reception desk, arms wrapped around himself as if they were protecting him from something.

Kihyun knelt in front of him, a hand gripping Taekwoon's knee in an attempt to soothe him. "Taek, why don't we think about this-"

"You're not going back," Jaehwan said, cutting Kihyun off as he walked into the room with a frown set on his lips.

Taekwoon sprung up from his seat and walked up to Jaehwan, grabbing him by the front of his jacket. "Why? She's just going to hurt Hwayoung if I'm not there, Jae," Taekwoon whimpered, voice creaking and cracking in distress.

Jaehwan placed his palms on Taekwoon's face, rubbing his thumbs over the apples of his cheeks in hopes that it would help Taekwoon calm down. "Kihyun wasn't supposed to tell you, if you go back that puts Hwayoung in more danger. At least stay away for today. We can come up with something and we can go back tomorrow and get her out, okay?" Jaehwan said quietly. This was for Hwayoung's own safety, he told himself.

"But-,"

"No buts. We're going home and we'll do something to make this better. She'll be okay, you have to trust me, Taek," Jaehwan said firmly, tilting Taekwoon's head up so that he was looking Jaehwan in the eyes.

Taekwoon nodded. "Okay..." he whispered. He leaned his forehead against Jaehwan's shoulder, falling into his embrace.

Jaehwan let the tension melt out of his body and placed a kiss on top of Taekwoon's head lovingly. He hoped all of this would be for the best. It would all be okay in the end.

He prayed to God that it would be.

\- - -

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super sorry for the long wait again! School, woohoo


	24. I'm Never

  
The two boys stumbled inside the house, exhaustion weighing heavily on them. Taekwoon felt bone tired and as if all the energy he had had earlier had been drained out of him. Jaehwan had an arm wrapped around Taekwoon's waist as he fumbled to unlock the door with his keys.

"We're home," he mumbled, guiding Taekwoon to the comfort of the couch. Taekwoon fell onto the soft, cool material of the leather couch and buried his face into a pillow. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry.

His mind was swirling uneasily with worry and despite Jaehwan's words of comfort he just couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenario. Hwayoung was the center of his world and everything he did revolved around her, for the most part. Having her out of his sight like this made his heart tremble with fear.

A placating hand splayed its fingers between his shoulder blades, attempting to ease some of Taekwoon's nerves. Taekwoon drew in a shuddering breath as he felt Jaehwan sit down on the edge of the couch.

He sat up and threw his arms around Jaehwan's waist, burying his head in his chest for comfort. Jaehwan yelped in surprise, but wrapped his own arms around Taekwoon's shivering body tightly. He stroked his hair lightly, playing with the red strands quietly.

"Shh...it'll be okay, Taek. We'll get her back soon, okay? She'll be fine," Jaehwan murmured in his ear.

Taekwoon shook his head. "No, it's all my fault, I shouldn't have left her there alone. I should have just stayed at the house, All my fault, all my fault," Taekwoon said, not giving himself any mercy whatsoever.

"It's not your fault at all, Taekwoon, don't blame yourself for Jisoo's awful actions," Jaehwan denied, tone almost scolding. Taekwoon always blamed himself no matter what. Jaehwan wished he wouldn't.

"But I-"

"But nothing. It's not your fault, please don't tell yourself that," Jaehwan said, hugging him a little tighter. "Let's work on a way to help her escape instead of wallowing in our own misery, hmm? C'mon." Jaehwan released him and tilted Taekwoon's face up so that he was looking at him.

The sight of Taekwoon's red, watery, and puffy eyes nearly broke his heart. The tear stains on his cheeks made Jaehwan ache for him. He couldn't imagine this sort of pain; all he could do was be there for Taekwoon.

Taekwoon nodded sadly and grabbed Jaehwan's hand. He pulled him up from the couch and led him to the island, where they sat and discussed game plans. If he wanted to help Hwayoung and himself, too, he was going to have to put some effort in.

\- - -

Taekwoon felt so much better now that they'd been able to talk about things. The plan was simple. Go to the house and confront Jisoo. But first, he had to get Hwayoung out, which meant he had to find her inside without alerting his mother, and get her to Jaehwan so that he could then confront her by himself. Taekwoon assumed whatever she would do to him during that confrontation would be enough evidence to convict her. Along with his own testimony, Jaehwan's and Kihyun's would also be important in putting her behind bars.

Taekwoon's confidence had shot up in the last four hours that they'd been discussing this. Jaehwan's words were always very reassuring and he helped Taekwoon become confident enough to even go through with this plan.

Taekwoon was brushing his teeth vigorously now, convinced that he still had popcorn kernels stuck in his teeth from their movie session. The movie had helped Taekwoon calm down even more. Along with the kisses, that is.

It was around midnight and Taekwoon was dead tired still. All he wanted was to curl up in bed with the boy he loved and sleep the pain and stress away. Tomorrow was going to be one of the longest days of his life and Taekwoon wanted all the stress of today to melt away for now.

Jaehwan had stepped out a few minutes ago because of a phone call. It made Taekwoon a little suspicious, but he had to trust Jaehwan.

Taekwoon plopped his toothbrush back in the holder and went to the kitchen to grab a glass for water since there weren't any in the bathroom already. He headed outside, mulling over the plan inside his head again. He had to be completely solid on what they were going to do or he'd mess it all up. His confidence may have gone up a little bit, enough for this, but that didn't mean that it was completely perfect.

As he filled up his glass, he heard Jaehwan talking on the phone in his little office. The room was right next to the kitchen and the thin walls didn't do anything for soundproofing.

"J, just tell me how it's going, stop joking around!" Jaehwan's voice was slightly muffled but Taekwoon could still make out the words. "Okay, thank you, geez."

Taekwoon didn't mean to pry, but it was hard not to. He knew he trusted Jaehwan, but that phone call made him doubt that trust for a minute. Jaehwan emerged from the office a second later, startling Taekwoon and causing him to spill some of his water onto the floor. He squeaked in surprise, alerting Jaehwan to his presence.

Taekwoon grabbed a paper towel and knelt down to sop up the spilled water. Jaehwan was eyeing him somewhat suspiciously as he closed the door to the office behind him.

"Did you...?" Jaehwan started. Taekwoon stood back up and tossed the dirty paper towel into the trash can next to the island.

"Maybe," Taekwoon replied. "Who's J?" he asked, dusting his hands off and sipping from his glass of water.

Jaehwan shook his head and approached the counter. "No one special," he said, eyes darting to the side. Taekwoon knew that look. He was hiding something.

"Sounded pretty important for no one special," Taekwoon simpered, eyes narrowed in slight annoyance. He was starting to actually get angry. He knew he should respect Jaehwan's privacy, but at the same time, it was clear that Jaehwan was hiding something from him. Taekwoon felt like he didn't know a thing about Jaehwan, now that he was thinking about it.

"I...okay, come here, let's talk," Jaehwan conceded, beckoning Taekwoon over and patting the seat next to him. Taekwoon sat down with a pout, ignoring Jaehwan's glances and staring at the shiny granite of the countertop.

"I just feel like I don't know you, Jae. Nothing about your family, friends, life, anything. And there's things I haven't told you either and I think you need to know if we're going to be doing this," Taekwoon said, eyes welling up with tears.

"Oh no no, don't cry baby," Jaehwan cooed, wiping a stray tear from Taekwoon's cheek. His chest hurt at the sight. "I'm sorry I haven't told you anything. I've lied a little too and I'm sorry. You deserve the truth from me, at the least."

Taekwoon nodded, wiping away his own tears and sniffling loudly. "Just...please tell me the truth," he said quietly, "and I'll tell you everything too."

Jaehwan pulled his hand away from Taekwoon's cheek and folded it in his lap. "Okay, well, J is actually...someone from work. He's a close friend but that's all," Jaehwan said, explaining rather hastily.

Taekwoon was shocked. He didn't even know Jaehwan had a job of any sort. It would explain how he was able to pay for this apartment and everything else, aside from the explanation of rich, absent parents. He nodded and motioned for Jaehwan to continue.

"The part about my parents was true. Except that those parents are dead and only left me their fortune," Jaehwan started, cutting Taekwoon off before he could offer words of condolence. "It's fine, though, I never knew them and I have an adopted family that treat me as if I'm their own," he continued, smiling fondly at the thought of his family. 

Taekwoon's heart warmed at Jaehwan's affectionate smile. At least he wasn't in pain because of them. Taekwoon would have hated for Jaehwan to suffer too. They already had enough pain on their plates with Taekwoon's situation. 

"Thank you for telling me..." Taekwoon said quietly, holding Jaehwan's hand between his palms. Taekwoon would be eternally grateful that they were able to open up to each other. 

Jaehwan nodded with another sweet smile. "Ah!" he exclaimed, causing Taekwoon to raise an eyebrow. "I forgot to mention this, although I don't know if it's really that important..." he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, eyes slightly averted. 

Taekwoon laughed a little, "You can tell me." Jaehwan shrugged in response. 

"Well, I'm actually 24. Not 22," he confessed. 

Taekwoon was surprised. "Why'd you lie about your age?" Jaehwan surely had a good reason for it. 

"Ha, well, I though it was embarrassing that I was taking makeup classes in the first place, so I just lied and said I was a senior, instead," Jaehwan replied, ears burning red. 

Taekwoon giggled, reaching up and pinching Jaehwan's cheeks. "You're so cute. You shouldn't be ashamed, silly!" Jaehwan rubbed his sore cheeks once Taekwoon let go. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know I'm the cutest, no need to remind me," Jaehwan teased. 

Taekwoon got quiet after that, realizing that it was his turn to finally open up about his darker secrets. 

"Taek?" Jaehwan asked quietly. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Taekwoon's head whipped up, "No! No, I have to. It's okay, I've got this," he quickly replied, voice a little sharp. 

Jaehwan nodded, noticing how tense Taekwoon was. "Okay, maybe I can ask questions I have and you can answer them for me?" The suggestion sounded okay to Taekwoon, so he agreed readily.

"Just let me know if it's too much, okay?" Taekwoon nodded his confirmation. 

Jaehwan hesitated briefly, breathing in rather deeply before exhaling. "First off: why? Why does Jisoo do all this? Do you know what triggered any of it?"

Taekwoon closed his eyes. This was going to be a long conversation already, he could just tell. It was a little taxing to talk about for long periods of time, but he had to pull through. He could do it. "My dad. It was my dad that drove her to this odd state of instability and hate. He...he left us when I was 13. It's all a blur really, and she never told us why he left either. But it screwed her up in the head a little. There's a significant portion of that part of my life that I've blocked out. Some sort of trauma, I suppose. 

It was when I was 14 that I had decided to come out to her. It wasn't a good idea and she went berserk. That was the first time she hit me," Taekwoon said, goosebumps prickling the skin of his arms. He shivered and rubbed his hands over the raised flesh in an attempt to warm himself.

"And then...a couple months later, she was arguing with my sister-"

"Wait," Jaehwan interrupted. Taekwoon met his confused gaze with curiosity. "You have another sister?" Taekwoon then realized that he must have never mentioned her to Jaehwan, so he nodded. 

"Yes, she was five years older than me. Her name was Haneul," Taekwoon explained, voice threatening to shake at just the mention of her name. 

"Was?" Jaehwan echoed. Then it clicked and he must have realized what Taekwoon was implying. "No way..."

Taekwoon gulped, almost flinching at the difficulty he had in swallowing. "She- They were arguing. At the top of the steps. I idolized Haneul, she was my light and my hero and she was the one that protected Hwayoung and me. That day- That day-," Taekwoon choked on his words, a tear slithering down his cheek. Jaehwan grabbed his hands and squeezed tightly. 

"It's okay, you don't have to keep going if you can't do it," Jaehwan told him. Taekwoon shook his head in negation. 

"No, I have to. I have to." Taekwoon had decided that talking about it may give him some sort of closure. "She- Jisoo and Haneul were fighting about Dad I think. And Jisoo, she got really angry at Haneul and she pushed her by the shoulder. Haneul fell. She- She- She fell down the stairs and her neck snapped. She was dead in seconds and I saw it all. I- I was watching from my room and I didn't do a thing to stop Jisoo or help Haneul," Taekwoon sobbed, tears flowing from his eyes like a dam had broken. Jaehwan pulled him into his arms, horrified at the story and heart cracking at the sight of Taekwoon breaking down in front of his very eyes.

Taekwoon couldn't stop now, though. The words kept flowing from his mouth despite the tearful sobbing and sniffling. "Jisoo didn't even care. She didn't care at all, she just called the police and  feigned some sort of sadness. The medics had to pry me off my beloved sister's dead body as the police believed her bullshit story about Haneul tripping," Taekwoon cried, slamming a fist against the granite counter in anger. It was so frustrating that he hadn't been able to do anything to help his big sister. Nothing at all. 

"It was all my fault, I thought. After that, I started getting the beatings. They weren't as bad in the past, you know. But they got worse as Jisoo became more bitter and angry towards all of us. I hated it, Jaehwan. That Haneul had left me alone with that monster and that I was the one that had done nothing to stop her death at the same time," Taekwoon said quietly, tears running out now. All he could do was sniffle softly into Jaehwan's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Taekwoon. It wasn't any of your fault, baby. Let it out. It wasn't your fault," Jaehwan soothed, fingers running through Taekwoon's hair. Taekwoon couldn't believe he had finally told someone. But he was glad that that person turned out to be Jaehwan.

Taekwoon's energy was drained completely. He fell asleep as Jaehwan scooped him up in his arms and carried him to their shared bedroom

\- - -

Taekwoon lay in Jaehwan's arms, nose buried in his neck. "I love you, so much," he whispered. Lips pressed kisses to his forehead sweetly.

"I love you, too," Jaehwan murmured back. 

"Tomorrow, we'll get back at her for everything she's ever done to you. All three of you," Jaehwan said, tilting Taekwoon's head up. He kissed Taekwoon on the lips softly. "I promise."

Taekwoon returned the kiss. 

"Thank you, Jae."

"Anything for you, my love."


	25. Gonna Let It Go

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Jaehwan fretted.

Taekwoon nodded resolutely, tightening the straps of his backpack. "I have to be ready. Plus, you're the one that convinced me to do this in the first place," Taekwoon said. Jaehwan's obsessive worrying over Taekwoon was ironic to him, considering Jaehwan was the one to formulate the majority of the plan anyways.

Jaehwan pouted, arms crossed. "Well that doesn't mean I'm not going to worry still. I just want you to be safe," he said, grabbing onto Taekwoon's arm as he drank the rest of the coffee in his mug.

Taekwoon smiled into his drink. Jaehwan was being adorably clingy and whiny today and Taekwoon had to admit that his heart swelled with happiness every time Jaehwan pressed his cheek to Taekwoon's bicep. He claimed it was because Taekwoon was warm, but he knew that Jaehwan just didn't want to let him go.

"I'm scared too, Jae. But we'll get through this. Do you believe in me?" Taekwoon asked.

Jaehwan nodded and pressed a kiss to Taekwoon's cheek. "I do. I know you can do it," Jaehwan murmured, quietly tucking a loose lock of red hair behind Taekwoon's ear. Taekwoon gave him a soft smile and placed his empty mug onto the counter.

Taekwoon grabbed Jaehwan's hands tightly and closed his eyes. "Thank you for giving me so much strength, Jaehwan. I love you, so, so much," Taekwoon said, thankful and loving.

Jaehwan returned the bright smile. Worry still niggled at the back of his mind but he put it off for now. He knew he had to let Taekwoon go. It was the only way they'd be able to solve everything.

"I love you too. Good luck, you'll take her down, I know it," Jaehwan encouraged. He gave Taekwoon a couple more kisses. For good measure, he placed a final one on his lips. "You've got this!"

Taekwoon turned to leave, hand on the doorknob. "Wait!" He turned to meet Jaehwan's gaze with a confused expression. Jaehwan held up a finger, telling him to wait for a second. Jaehwan emerged after a couple seconds with a baseball hat in hand. "Here, wear this. Might make you a little less conspicuous. Y'know, with your red hair and all," Jaehwan giggled, a slight smirk sneaking onto his face.

A grin fought its way onto Taekwoon's face and he broke out into laughter. He took the hat from Jaehwan's outstretched hands and secured it on his head, tucking stray red strands beneath the rough fabric.

"Thank you," he murmured.

Taekwoon smiled again, heart both heavy and light at the same time. This task would be life-altering. No matter his worries, Taekwoon had to follow through. With Jaehwan in his heart and Hwayoung in both his heart and mind, Taekwoon opened the apartment door and set off for his place of nightmares.

He couldn't help the anxiety the prickled his skin, but he would push through it. For himself and for her.

Taekwoon had this, he was sure of it. Today would be the day his suffering ended for good.

\- - -

Jaehwan watched almost forlornly as the door swung shut and Taekwoon's figure retreated from his sight. He sighed heavily, heart beating fast with worry. He trusted Taekwoon but there was no way he couldn't worry. For him, it was as if he was sending the person he loved most in the world off to a war where destruction was imminent.

With a hand on his heart, Jaehwan went to his bedroom to change out of his pajamas. Taekwoon's smell lingered, so he was reluctant to pull them off. But he did anyways, trading the soft cotton for a black t-shirt, jeans, and a leather jacket.

After changing, he went to his office and opened the bottom drawer with a key. There wasn't much reason to keep it locked, other than privacy. He pulled it out, the gold engraving glinting in the light of the room.

With a last glance at the framed picture of Taekwoon on his desk, Jaehwan pulled out his phone and dialed. He slipped the object into his jacket pocket as the phone rang.

"Leave, now. He's on his way and he can't see you there. Anything happen?" Jaehwan asked into the receiver.

 _"No, nothing that I could see. You really want me to leave?_ " the person on the other line asked.

"Yes. And thank you for doing this. I'll meet you soon," Jaehwan replied. He hung up without another world and shoved the drawer closed, before exiting the office swiftly.   
Jaehwan gave his apartment another glance before he left the house, walking fast and a frown set on his face.

\- - -

Taekwoon walked briskly in the direction of the house he grew up in. He was terrified at the same time that he was incredibly confident that he could finally conquer his fears and his abuser. He would never call that woman his mother ever again.

Taekwoon was set upon rescuing Hwayoung and he would do whatever it took, even if it meant deviating from the plan. The plan seemed solid though and Taekwoon would ensure that it succeeded. The sky looked dark again, as if it was going to rain. It seemed to be in a constant state of gray and sadness these days, the sun rarely shining for long when it did make an appearance.

Taekwoon shook away the doubts that came with the sad-looking clouds and continued on his way, upping his pace a little. The house was only ten minutes away at this point and Taekwoon's heart was beating faster than ever.

He skirted around a couple holding hands and a man walking his dog as he made his way down the sidewalk. The neighborhood that he lived in was just ahead, the sign looming and dark and somewhat dilapidated. It was similar to the state of the first half of the neighborhood that lay ahead of the bigger, richer, nicer houses.

Taekwoon ignored the odd look from a younger kid that was walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street. Taekwoon must have looked awfully tense and suspicious from the view of random passers-by.

He inhaled deeply and willed himself to calm down a little. He could do this. He could do this, he told himself over and over again.

Quietly, Taekwoon approached the dinged-up door. He hoped Jisoo wasn't in the front room and that he could enter rather undetected. Ideally, he'd like to get Hwayoung out and send her far away from the house while he confronted Jisoo. Jaehwan had said he was going to be there, so all Taekwoon had to do was tell Hwayoung where to go find him.

Taekwoon double-checked his phone and sent a quick message to Jaehwan to let him know that Taekwoon had arrived. Taekwoon was pretty adept at using a flip phone for texting, he thought.

With that, Taekwoon tightened his grip on his phone and turned the handle cautiously.

The door swung open without a sound, and Taekwoon stepped into the rattlesnake's nest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter, so short length is intended. Hope everyone is enjoying so far!


	26. Build A Broken Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I have one more for you! It's a little crazy but I hope it makes sense and everyone likes it! Please let me know your thoughts. Feedback is always much appreciated and makes me super happy!

Darkness filled the foyer, as it typically did. Nothing jumped out at Taekwoon, but that didn't settle the rapid palpitating of his heart. The air in the room felt stagnant and stuffy and made Taekwoon's throat feel as if it was stuffed with cotton.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness rather quickly, taking in the sight of the empty living room and hallway. Taekwoon didn't want to risk going upstairs for fear that the stairs would creak underneath his weight. Attention was the last thing he wanted right now, if Jisoo was indeed here at the moment. He'd check up there last.

Taekwoon shut the door behind him as quietly as possible. Flinching at the simple soft click of the door closing, Taekwoon turned back towards the darkness that lie ahead of him.

He had to find Hwayoung first and foremost. An inkling of a possible place she could be hidden popped into his head. Taekwoon creeped forward, head on a swivel. Of the few places in this house that she could be, the back laundry room was a decent contender. It was filled with shelves and other larger items and there was only a single lightbulb in the room, making it a prime place for hide and seek when Taekwoon and Haneul were younger.

The kitchen was also abandoned when Taekwoon entered. A sole, open jar of peanut butter rested on the countertop, and empty cans of beer were piled in a corner against the wall. They weren't there when Taekwoon left yesterday, so he could only assume that Jisoo had indeed been back here.

With disdain, he also noticed the torn up remains of the note he had left, the tiny ripped up pieces scattered across the linoleum flooring like confetti.

Avoiding the pile of paper and skirting around the kitchen table and chairs, Taekwoon made his way to the laundry room that was just across the open space of the kitchen. The light was off, much like the lights in the rest of the house. He adjusted his hat and entered the smaller room. With caution, he reached up and pulled the string attached to the singular light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

With a click, lukewarm yellow light flooded the space. Taekwoon didn't see Hwayoung immediately, but he didn't give up immediately. "Hwayoung? Are you in here, love?" Taekwoon whispered, voice quivering slightly. He reprimanded himself in his head. Now was not the time for cowardice.

There was no response other than a deafening silence and the pounding of Taekwoon's own heart inside his chest. Dammit, he swore to himself. There was only upstairs and the basement left. Taekwoon hated that basement, but he had to risk it. For Hwayoung.

Taekwoon pulled the string of the lightbulb again, plunging the room back into darkness. He still felt somewhat confident, but if he didn't find Hwayoung soon, all of that confidence would evaporate as if it was never there in the first place. He needed to let Jaehwan know that he was running behind schedule.

Taekwoon retrieved his phone from his pocket and flipped it open, starting a new message to Jaehwan. He walked towards the basement door as he typed. Still being as silent as possible, Taekwoon reached out and turned the handle of the door. Gulping, he pulled the door open with a slight creak. Taekwoon winced at the sound. Phone still in hand, Taekwoon glanced down the steep set of stairs and into the radiating shadows.

It was certainly a long way down.

\- - -

She startled out of bed at the sound. Someone was traipsing up the front steps. The creaking of the floorboards was telltale. She threw back the covers of the bed and swung her legs over, frightening the small girl that was crouched on the floor, curled in a ball.

She glanced at her, at the small bruises littering her pale arms and at the mess of dull black hair atop her small head. The little girl, her daughter, stood up on shaky legs as the woman got out of the bed and strode to the bedroom door purposefully. Her head was pounding, like a sledgehammer was hammering away at the insides of her head.

"You, get in the closet. Now," she hissed, voice low and menacing. The little girl frowned, tears springing to the corners of her eyes.

"No," she replied, a small yet defiant sound. Lips curled in sudden anger, the woman grabbed her daughter by the wrist and dragged her to the closet. With pitiless eyes, the woman quickly closed the closet door and locked it. She ignored the whimpers of protest escaping from behind the slab of wood and exited the bedroom soundlessly.

The hallway was dark, the only light coming from the window of the front door just down the stairwell. She hid in the shadows, unmoving, watching her only son, with the cranberry dyed hair, enter the house as silently as possible.

She smirked when he didn't seem to notice her. Her grin grew wider as he looked up the stairs briefly, before deciding to go towards the kitchen. He disappeared out of her view and the woman followed, footsteps nearly soundless on the hardwood of the steps.

The tall boy was in the laundry room. She heard him call the name of her daughter and it dawned on her, from her hiding place near the stairs, what her son aimed to do.

Brow furrowed in fury, the woman held her ground and waited as the boy went back the way he come from. The basement. That's where he'd go next, she guessed.

 _Bingo_ , she thought. With a silent cackle she watched from the shadows, eyes glinting almost dangerously as he walked towards the basement door, his gaze trained on the cell phone in his hand.

She observed him soundlessly, gazing at the focused look on his face. For a moment her heart yelled at her to stop this, that this was her only son, all grown up and standing right in front of her. But as always, the blackness of the revenge that controlled her drowned out the desperate screaming of her own soul.

He opened the door and glanced down the steps, eyes widening at the sight of the unending darkness at the bottom of the stairwell. She decided now was the time to strike and crept out of her hiding place.

She would go for the phone first. Clenching her fist, the woman dashed toward him, hand enclosing around the thin wrist of the boy. Now, she was once again staring into the frightened eyes of her only son. This, this power that she had over him made her veins swirl with adrenaline.

"Ji-Jisoo-" he began, but before he could finish she tightened her grip around his wrist and banged the hand with the phone against the wall.

"Ahhh! Please, I-" he cried, free hand scrabbling at her grip in attempt to release it. The woman found herself incapable of relenting. Harder and harder, she slammed his now bruised and mangled fingers against the wall until they bled, until the cell phone fell from his hand.

No matter how much he screamed that it hurt.

The hunk of technology crashed against the ground and she knew her job was done. Mercilessly, the woman placed both hands on the tall, quivering boy's shoulders and she shoved.

With a screech of fright and helplessness, her only son tumbled down the steps of the basement in his moment of sudden weakness. The woman, expressionlessly, slammed the basement door as he fell. A golden key was retrieved from the top of the door frame and the door was locked in place.

Soon, the key was swirling down the toilet bowl, along with the fleeting feelings of regret the woman had experienced as she pushed her only son to meet a fate similar to that of her oldest daughter.

\- - -

The basement was as terrifying as ever, Taekwoon observed, after the door had opened. Cell phone gripped rather securely, he began to take a step forward. In seconds, however, a slender yet abnormally strong hand was wrapped around his wrist.

In shock, Taekwoon's head snapped up to meet the angry eyes of his mother. A jolt of fear coursed through his entire body. "Ji-Jisoo-" he started, but before he could snap out of his immediate shock, she had slammed his hand against the wall next to the doorframe.

Pain shot through his fingers and he yelled in distress, begging her not to, "Ahhh! Please, I-"

As if she would ever relent. Taekwoon tried to grip the phone tighter through the throbbing if his fingers. He clawed her hand, trying to pry her fingers from his wrist. But they felt like iron cuffs, immovable. She was trying to cut off his communication to the rest of the world, to Jaehwan. She was merciless and smashed his hand against the wall again, face vacant.

Taekwoon's fingers twitched in pain and he grit his teeth through it, tried to keep them grasped around the hunk of metal and wires but to no avail. After merely five times of brutally mangling his dominant hand, the phone dropped to the floor. Taekwoon gasped and attempted to snatch at it.

Before he knew it, Jisoo had her hands on his shoulders and had shoved. A screech of horror and shock left Taekwoon's lips as he lost his balance. Despite everything, Taekwoon helplessly tumbled down the rough stairs and landed in a shivering heap at the bottom of the staircase.

Tears ran down his face and his head and fingers throbbed. The door slammed shut and Taekwoon heard a telltale click. She had locked him down here, without his phone. He couldn't get to Jaehwan and who knew what she'd do to Hwayoung after all that.

Taekwoon felt absolutely horrible, his whole body trembling and heart broken. He raised a shaking hand to his aching head, sharp pains jolting through him. With a pained inhalation, Taekwoon drew his good hand away from his head, red and painted with blood.

He screamed, another flood of tears blurring his vision and wetting his pale, nearly colorless cheeks. Frantically, Taekwoon wiped the bloodied hand on his jeans and threw off his backpack. He unzipped it as fast as he could with his one good hand and rummaged through it. There had to be some sort of first aid kit in there somewhere, right?

Rattling breath tore through his lungs. There was one. Unsettled, Taekwoon pulled it out and grabbed the small roll of gauze. It would have to do.

Haphazardly, he wrapped what he could around his head. He must have slammed it against the stairs when he was falling and hadn't realized in the fleeting moment. Once finished, Taekwoon stood on shaky legs and flipped on the light switch.

The basement was nearly empty save for a table, some folding chairs, and a small fridge. His eyes widened in surprise and he dashed toward it. He didn't know how long he'd be there, so he might as well check if there was anything.

To his shock, there were two unopened water bottles. Grabbing them, Taekwoon pressed his only lifeline to his chest and sank to the ground next to the fridge, terrified and drained of energy.

Now, his only option was to wait.

\- - -

Jaehwan paced the room nervously, fingers drawn to his mouth. He bit his nails in anxiety. The last text he'd gotten from Taekwoon was two hours ago. Jaehwan had tried calling him, but the only response he'd gotten was ringing and a voicemail.

"Jaehwan, calm down. He's probably okay."

Jaehwan turned on the person that had spoken. "Shut the fuck up, Sanghyuk! You don't get to talk after the way you've treated him," Jaehwan spat, pointing an accusing finger towards his friend.

Sanghyuk retaliated, "I did that for you! You were going to ruin everything and then all of us would have been done for!" Sanghyuk stood from his chair and threw open the door to the room, stalking out. "This wouldn't have happened if you had just sat down and done this the way we were supposed to!" he yelled as he exited in anger.

"Fuck you!" Jaehwan shouted, slamming his hands down on the table in front of him. His shoulders heaved.

"Jaehwan, he's right that you should calm down. It's not going to do Taekwoon any good," the other person in the room said.

Jaehwan breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. "Not you, too, J," he sighed. "I'm just worried. About both him and Hwayoung. That woman is absolutely insane, J, I've seen her and she's not right in the head. We can't keep putting this off. He hasn't contacted me in nearly 2 hours! Isn't that unsettling to you?" Jaehwan cried, exasperated at his friends' words.

"I understand, and I know you're tired and just want to get this over with. But we need to be sure before we do anything that could potentially hurt those two even further," J replied, voice calm and steady.

Jaehwan sighed again. "I know. I know, I'm sorry. Let's just hurry up, okay. Before my heart explodes from worry."

J nodded and Jaehwan stood up from his position at the table. The two men left the room in search of Sanghyuk, and Jaehwan had to convince himself that Taekwoon was perfectly fine, despite his instincts that told him the exact opposite.


	27. Watching It Fall Apart

**Day 1**

Taekwoon cracked his eyes open. His head throbbed with a pain that was still sharp and new. Groaning, he raised a hand to his forehead. It really did hurt like hell, but his vision wasn't swimming or blurry, so he thanked god for that. 

The water bottles in his hands were room temperature now, warmed by the heat of his own skin. Taekwoon placed them on the ground, wincing when he released his left hand's grip. Hissing in pain, he looked at his mangled, aching hand. The fingers were turning a yellow-green color, spots of purple blooming underneath the skin. The bruising would surely worsen in the coming days. 

Speaking of days, how long had it been? Taekwoon scrambled to his feet, dashing towards the single, small window along the top of one of the walls. It was a miniscule thing, but Taekwoon could clearly see that night had fallen. Taekwoon hoped it had only been a couple of hours and that Jaehwan was on his way. 

As he watched the outside world from his stone, underground prison, Taekwoon saw feet walking by on the sidewalk in front of the house, barely visible in the darkness. Taekwoon's heart jumped out of his chest. Maybe if he was loud enough, the person would hear him. 

He knew it might be a shot in the dark, but he had to try. If the neighbors had heard his screaming before, there was nothing that said people walking by couldn't hear him, right?

Taekwoon whipped around and dashed up the steps, his fear of them leaving him in his sudden desperation. On the verge of panic, Taekwoon didn't even bother to not use his already broken and bruised left hand and pounded on the door with both of his fists. 

"Hello?!" he screamed, hitting the door with all the strength he could possibly muster in his weak state. "Is anybody there? Can anybody hear me?!" He banged some more, the door rattling underneath the force of his blows. 

"Please, help me, please!" His throat felt raw already. But Taekwoon screamed as loud as his voice could possibly go. His hands throbbed in pain and his left one felt like it was going to fall off. He kept going. "Help! I'm trapped, please someone help me!" Taekwoon yelled, voice cracking in the process. 

He hadn't realized it, but he'd begun to cry, tears dripping down his face. His screaming and pleading seemed to be in vain. Letting a sob rip out of his throat, Taekwoon lowered his fists from the door and sank to the ground. He sat perched on the top step of the basement stairs, knees drawn to his chest and tears dripping down his face. 

"Why...why me...?" he croaked, voice small. Taekwoon felt so defeated, his confidence smashed to pieces. He'd finally gathered the courage it took to come here and he'd failed after a mere twenty minutes. 

With shaky breath, Taekwoon glanced down at his aching hands. They were red and bruising already, his left hand in even worse shape than it was when he'd started screaming. Taekwoon would just have to bear through the pain, he didn't have any other option. 

Taekwoon's heart and mind were quickly crumbling. If he didn't get out of here soon, he would truly be at a loss. 

\- - - 

"Taekwoonie? Is that Taekwoonie?" her voice came, quiet and frightened still. The little girl was out of the closet now, sitting on the floor and shivering slightly. She jumped when she heard the loud banging. When the screaming started, her little heart had jolted in recognition. 

That was her big brother's voice. She could recognize it anywhere. The little girl felt distraught at the sound of her brother, whom she missed so deeply. The woman glanced at the little girl from her spot on the bed, snorting in disgust at the little girl's remarks.

"That's him, but you better stay away. We're going to be leaving him down there for a while," the woman sneered, sitting up slowly. The screaming had only just started but she already wanted to go down there and shut him up for good. The woman couldn't stand loud and fussy people. This led her to despise her only son even more. His personality was so similar to that of his father's and the woman could feel fury in her bones every time he spoke, walked, or even looked at her. 

The little girl, her daughter, was confused and upset. She wanted to help her big brother, but her mother would never allow it. Maybe she could attempt to help him when her mother fell asleep again later. 

So she waited. 

\- - -

Her mother's soft snores echoed in the room, a telltale sign that she was finally asleep. The little girl gulped as she glanced towards the slumbering woman. She should take this chance to see if she could help her big brother. 

Quietly, the little girl stood and made her way to the door, careful not to be too loud and awaken the woman on the bed. She turned the doorknob slowly, the scraping of the door opening making her wince. The little girl was young but she was very perceptive, and she knew that if she were too loud in her escape she would be caught. Things wouldn't end any better for her and her brother in that case. 

The girl slipped through the doorway, not bothering to close it for fear that it may make too much noise. She quickly ran to the stairs, trying to keep her footsteps soft. She noticed that the scrreaming had stopped earlier and she was very worried for her older brother. The girl prayed that he wasn't hurt. It made her feel bad when her older brother was in pain and crying. 

She mad her way down the stairwell and looked around for her brother. There was light flooding into the hallway from underneath the basement door. The girl's heart jumped and she dashed towards it, forgetting to stay quiet. 

"Taekwoonie? Taekwoonie, are you okay?" she called, voice hushed. The little girl heard shuffling from behind the door. Her brother was alive! He was okay. She gasped in joy as he spoke to her in surprise. 

"Hwayoung? Hwayoung baby is that you?"  he croaked. "Oh, Hwayoung, I'm so glad you're okay." Her brother's voice sounded tired and raw, vocal chords scraped bare. 

"I'm here, Taekwoonie, I'm going to help you," she declared, grabbing the door handle and turning. It was to no avail as the door didn't even budge. 

"Please, be careful Hwahwa. The door is locked, it will be hard to open," her brother reminded her. The little girl frowned and removed her hand from the handle. "You can try to find something to open it, but it will be difficult. How about you go find Jaehwan, instead? Please?"

"Jaehwan?" she questioned quietly. 

"The man with the gray hair, my friend, that's Jaehwan," he informed her. Ah, she remembered the tall gray-haired man now. She liked him a lot. 

"Okay, Taekwoonie, I will find Jaehwan for you! Where?" she asked, confused on where she was going to get this man. 

"Call him at this number. Are you ready? You need memorize it," her brother said. She nodded to herself, listening intently. Her brother listed the phone number several times, until the little girl was sure she could remember it. 

"You got it?"

"Yes! I will find him for you, Taekwoonie!" she whispered excitedly. She scampered over to the kitchen, still trying to be as quiet as possible. The home phone was on the counter, pushed into a corner near the wall. The little girl reached for the phone and pulled it off the receiver. She believed and trusted in her brother. 

She recited the phone number in her head and then dialed it. It started ringing slowly, for what felt like ages. 

_"Hello?"_

"Jaehw-"

She was cut off by a hand covering her mouth. The phone clattered to the ground as the little girl dropped it in surprise. 

"What do you think you're doing, brat?" the woman asked her, menacing and mean. The little girl grasped at the hand that was clamped over her mouth, small fingers indenting the skin of the woman's hand. An uncomfortable, terrifying feeling bubbled in the pit of her stomach.

 _"Hello? Hello, is anyone there?"_ the man on the other line asked, bewildered. 

The woman glanced at the phone that lay on the ground and bent down to pick it up. Her long, messy hair brushed against the floor as she grabbed it and hung up. The girl's eyes widened in fear. She had failed her big brother. 

Her mother turned her around, a hand on her wrist and gripping tightly. Tears escaped the girl's eyes, pain and shame overwhelming her. "Trying to call for help, huh? You think I'd let you get away with that? As if," she sneered. The woman raised her free hand and slapped the little girl across the face. 

She screamed in pain, bursting into tears as hurt flared across her cheek. She raised a small hand to the tender flesh, lips trembling as she cried. 

"Hwayoung! Hwayoung!" She could hear her older brother's pained shrieking from behind the basement door. She glanced his way, tears blurring her vision and cries escaping her throat. The woman stared at her in annoyance and slapped the girl's other cheek, causing her to cry louder. 

The boy's screaming was loud again, his nails scraping against the painted wood as he clawed at the door. "Let her go! Let her go!" Screams ripped from his throat, loud and painful. 

"We're going back upstairs, and you are going to shut up or there will be consequences," the woman growled, eyes wide and angry. She grabbed her daughter's hair and pulled, dragging her back to the room. The boy's distressed pleading and yelling were blatantly ignored. 

The little girl was thrown back inside the closet. This time, she wasn't allowed back out. 

\- - -

**Day 2**

Taekwoon had crawled back to the main floor of the basement after everything that had happened with Hwayoung. His entire body was screaming at him, stressed and in horrible pain. Taekwoon could hardly take it anymore. 

The dim lit basement did not do much for Taekwoon's mental state either. The room was plain and boring and there was nothing to look at. It was unfinished too, the floor and walls gray concrete, frigid and hard. The only outside contact he could possibly have was in the form of that one tiny window, which was of little help. He'd certainly found that out earlier.  

Taekwoon sat against the wall that faced the stairwell, shivering from the cold and aches that enveloped him. His vision was swimming, which, he deduced, was from his throbbing head injury. Maybe he really did have a concussion. 

An exhausted sigh, shaky and unstable, escaped his throat. He blinked tiredly, letting his head fall against the stone wall of the basement. There was a darkness swirling inside his mind, threatening to overwhelm and consume him completely. Eyes closed, Taekwoon tried to fend off the malicious words being conjured in his conscious. Despite it all, his thoughts still drifted to his failure. 

_See, you were always useless, weren't you?_

Taekwoon's eyes snapped open, flitting back and forth wildly. He couldn't be going crazy already, it had only been a day. He thought it had only been a day, at least. 

_You should just stop trying. You'll never succeed, someone like you._

Taekwoon's hands reached for his head, squeezing his eyes shut again and dragged his hands through his hair in distress. He ripped the haphazard gauze off his head, chest heaving. The bitter words continued to swirl inside him. 

_All you ever do is hold everyone back. Why keep trying?_

Taekwoon knew he held Jaehwan back. His mindset and experiences were toxic and would only keep Jaehwan from living happily in the future. Taekwoon was only baggage to him, heavy and useless. He invaded Jaehwan's life like poison, he knew it. 

Tears dripped down Taekwoon's cheek bones for what felt like the thousandth time. He wanteed to stop crying, but he found himself unable to. 

_You should just stop. Let it all end. It's easier. He'll finally be rid of you._

"NO, no...Jaehwan loves me. Jaehwan loves me, he loves me." Taekwoon whimpered, grasping his hair tightly, silently begging for it to stop. He didn't stop pulling, even when he felt blood trickling down his forehead. 

"He loves me..."

**Day 3**

It had been so long, yet Jaehwan had still not come for him. 

Maybe Jaehwan really didn't love him. It was starting to make more and more sense to Taekwoon. 

Taekwoon sniffled, massaging his growling stomach. It hurt so badly, a stabbing, sharp pain, like someone had stuck a knife inside him and was slowly, slowly slicing his stomach open. All he had left was half a water bottle. At this point, it may have been all that was keeping him alive. 

Taekwoon's eyes fluttered open, revealing the same dim basement setting once again. His vision was covered in little black spots. He assumed that that wasn't necessarily a good sign. He pulled his body into a tighter ball, cradling his injured hand safely. It was purple and stiff now, and a couple of his fingers were bent at odd, frightening angles. Moving it sent sharp, radiating pain up his arm. 

The gross thoughts he'd been previously having had mostly faded away, leaving a dull blankness that wasn't much better. Taekwoon had lost almost all hope at this point. As he lay on his side, body compressed into a ball in an attempt to reduce his hunger pains, Taekwoon decided that Jaehwan might never come for him at all. 

With these thoughts, he closed his eyes once more and drifted off into a restless, nightmare-filled slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I've updated four days in a row. Highkey suprised at myself. Hopefully I can get another one out tmrw! Thank you for reading and don't forget to leave some feedback! I'd really appreciate it.


	28. How I Like It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a flashback chapter. May give you some of the answers you were looking for. Warning for bullying.

**February 17th, 1981**

"Jisoo! Don't forget your lunch, sweetie!" 

Jisoo sighed. She was about to step out the door, backpack already on her shoulders, when her foster mom called her name. With a huff, the girl turned back to the kitchen and grabbed the brown paper bag off the counter. 

"I put something special in there today. It's a special day, you know!" she said, ruffling the girl on the head. 

"Yes, I know, Ms. Kim," Jisoo said, a small smile forming on her face. 

The woman huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Just call me mom, Jisoo," Ms. Kim replied, fake pouting at the girl. "We're going to be together for a while, so you might as well!" The woman chuckled at her own words. 

"You're right. I'll try harder to say that," Jisoo giggled, tucking a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear.  She waved goodbye to her foster mother and scampered out of the house and towards the bus stop. 

Jisoo appreciated Ms. Kim's efforts, very much so. But it was very hard to get used to calling someone that wasn't actually your mother, mom. Only two months had passed since she'd been fostered into this home and it was a suprisingly nice place. Some of the other places she'd been in the past were not very nice at all. Jisoo shook those memories out of her head and trekked on through the snow. Today was, indeed, a special day. 

Today was her 12th birthday. Jisoo had entered a new school the week before, after she'd gotten settled in her new home and so far, everyone had been friendly. Jisoo was pleased, considering her previous home and previous school were not the greatest. It wasn't that her classmates were mean, but rather that the school itself was subpar, and her then foster parents didn't give a crap about Jisoo. They hardly payed her any attention and there were some days that she went hungry.

Jisoo reached the bus stop and waited for the big yellow bus to come and pick her up. She shivered as ice cold snow fell from the sky. Small snowflakes decorated her dark hair as the bus finally arrived and she stepped on. As she sat down, Jisoo hoped that this would be one of her better birthdays. 

\- - -

Jisoo stepped off the bus and made her way inside the school. It was a big, brick building with a flag pole outside the front. It wasn't very exciting to look at and it never changed much. The Republic of South Korea's flag flew from the top of the flag pole, fluttering in the wintery winds. 

She walked through her homeroom door with ten minutes to spare. As she sat down at her desk, Jisoo noticed that there were several pairs of eyes on her. Confused, she glanced around the room. Everyone was speaking in whispers and kept glancing towards her. Jisoo shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unsure why everyone was looking at her. 

Soon enough, though, the teacher walked in and class had started. 

Jisoo couldn't concentrate and kept thinking about possible reasons that everyone seemed to be talking and eyeing her for. Did she look funny? Was her outfit particularly ugly? She was completely confused. 

She just shook her head and tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying. Maybe she'd ask one of the girls she had somewhat befriended the week before. 

\- - -

Lunch came. Jisoo took out her lunch bag and pulled out the food her foster mom had given her. She cracked the container open and grinned in joy. Everything inside looked absolutely amazing and delicious. 

Two girls walked past her desk, snickering under their breaths. Jisoo barely caught what they were saying, but she heard it none the less. 

_"She's an orphan, you know. How sad it must be, not having any parents..."_

Jisoo froze, happy smile wiped off her face. How had that gotten out? Jisoo's shoulders drooped, a frown etched on her feautures. She quickly realized that that must be the reason that all her classmates were looking at her funnily, almost as if they knew something that she didn't. Suddenly, Jisoo wasn't so hungry anymore. 

She put the lid back on her lunch container and slid it inside her backpack forlornly. What a terrible birthday.

"Class, I'm leaving for a minute. Everyone please behave," their teacher called, rising from her desk. Jisoo paid no mind to it and continued to stare blankly at the desk, upset and slightly angry. She strongly believed that her parental state did not matter and that people should not be judging her based off that. 

The same two girls that she had heard earlier glanced at her, sharing a knowing smirk. They stood from their desks, a water bottle in hand. The taller girl grasped the cap of the bottle and twisted it off. Jisoo didn't see it coming. 

Water cascaded over her head, drenching her shirt, her skirt and hair. Jisoo gasped, raising her hands in shock. She spun around, infuriated at the laughing smiles and eyes of the two culprits. 

"Aw, are you all wet? Are you angry? Why don't you run to your mommy?" one of the girls laughed. Her laughing smile twisted into a patronizing frown. "Oh right, you don't have one. How sad!" she laughed. Her friend was holding her stomach from the laughter. 

Jisoo felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Not wanting those girls to see her cry, she dashed out of the classroom, pushing past the two girls roughly. She could still hear them cackling, along with some of her other classmates, as she ripped the door open and ran down the hallway towards the bathroom. 

Jisoo had never felt so humiliated as she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, water mixed with her salty tears streaming down her cheeks. She really didn't know how they found out and she didn't know why they decided that her not having real parents was something to make fun of her for. 

She let out a sob and sank to the floor, dragging her fingers through her now stringy and soaked hair. She tried in vain to wipe her wet face off with her long-sleeved shirt sleeves. 

A creak, as the bathroom door opened. Jisoo's head whipped to see who had come in, hoping to God that it wasn't those girls. She let out a breath, shoulders sinking in relief, when she saw that it was one of the girls she had made friends with the week before. 

"Hyunmi? Oh thank goodness it's you," she said, sniffling loudly. She stood up and smiled at the girl. Hyunmi didn't respond, only blinked and shifted her eyes to the floor briefly. "Hyunmi?" Jisoo asked, confused. Her friend walked past her and entered a stall, barely giving Jisoo a glance.

Jisoo was shocked. This wasn't fair. She stood completely silent, staring at her own reflection in the mirror, at her red eyes and damp hair. Her eyes caught the sight of her so-called friend as she exited the stall and washed her hands, completely calm and not even giving Jisoo one glance.

The drenched, betrayed twelve year old watched as Hyunmi left without a single word. Jisoo sank to the ground in a defeated heap. 

Worst birthday ever. 

\- - -

Unfortunately for Jisoo, that wasn't the end of it. She was harassed for months on end. There were days where she considered giving up, but everytime she saw her foster mom's smiling face and heard her loving words, Jisoo was able to muster enough strength to get through the next day. 

Finally, Jisoo entered high school, three years after that dreadful day. All she hoped for was a new start and to be away from the horrific bullies she spent so many years with before. Despite her mental fortitude being weak, Jisoo went into highschool with a strong will and a smile on her face. 

**December 3rd, 1985**

Sophomore year of high school, 10th grade. That was when Jisoo met him. It was also the year that the bullying started again. 

Jeon Jiyeon, the girl that had poured that water bottle over her head three years ago was transferring to Jisoo's high school, straight into Jisoo's class. Jisoo couldn't believe how horrible her luck was. 

When she walked in that day, the first thing she saw was Jiyeon's laughing face, oh so similar to the one she had when she had humiliated Jisoo in front of all their classmates. Jiyeon's laughter halted almost immediately as she saw Jisoo walk in. 

She smirked meanly, "Well, if it isn't Kim Jisoo...how have you been?" Jiyeon stood and approached Jisoo, a sway in her step. "It's been about a year and a half, hasn't it? I'm so glad we can meet again," she said, lips curling as she leaned in to whisper one last thing in Jisoo's ear. "You better meet me behind the school at 3 if you don't want to suffer the consequences."

Jisoo closed her eyes, body going rigid. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stand up to Jiyeon but it was so difficult when the girl had so much power in her hands. Jisoo nodded minutely nd brushed past Jiyeon to get to her own seat. 

Jiyeon sat down in her spot and went back to paying attention to the brainless boys surrounding her. Jisoo sat silently, trying to keep her hands from shaking. 

It was happening all over again. 

\- - -

That day behind the school was one of Jisoo's worst. She avoided her mom when she got home, going straight to her room to patch up the bruises on her arms and cheek.

With a sigh, Jisoo sank into her desk chair and stared at the ceiling blankly. Surprisingly, there had been one positive of that day. After Jiyeon and her new crew had brutalized her, throwing insults and punches and kicks, there was a boy. 

As Jisoo sat crouched on the ground, cradling her scraped elbow, a boy had approached her. "Are you okay?" he had asked, concern in his voice. Jisoo had looked up in shock, falling down onto her butt. 

"Um, y-yeah, I'm fine," she said, a blush springing to her cheeks. Quickly, she stood and brushed off her skirt. She hissed as her elbow bent, the torn skin pulling uncomfortably. 

"Here," he said, after rummaging around in his backpack for a minute. He held out a band-aid, offering it to her for her bleeding elbow. Jisoo blinked owlishly at it. No one had ever helped her before. With tentative hands, she accepted the band-aid from his outstretched palm. 

"Thanks..." she murmured, peeling the band-aid off the plastic and gingerly placing it over her scrape. 

"You're welcome," the boy replied, smiling brightly. "What's your name? I'm Joohwan. Jung Joohwan." He extended a hand to Jisoo, indicating that she should shake it. 

"Ah, I'm Kim Jisoo," she said with a slight smile. The boy grinned as they shook hands. 

"Jisoo, that's a pretty name. Well, it's nice to meet you!" Joohwan smiled broadly and let go of her hand. 

Jisoo couldn't help but blush. Joohwan gave her a wave as he rushed off to wherever he had been headed before. Perhaps, Jisoo thought, he was pretty cute. 

Now as she stared at her ceiling and thought of the sweet, cute boy that had helped her, she couldn't help the giant, happy smile that broke out on her face. She giggled and sat up, leaning her elbows on the desk in front of her. She shook her head, unable to extinguish the grin she had. For once, Jiyeon had failed to make her day completely horrible.

\- - -

Joohwan really was the absolute nicest boy Jisoo had ever met and she couldn't believe her luck this time around. She had found someone that actually liked her and wanted to be with her and laughed at her jokes. Jisoo was wonderfully content. 

For the most part. The bullying continued, but she hid it remarkably well from her now-boyfriend and her family, still. She continued to power through, but there it still took a toll on her. There was no getting around that. It left scars on her that would last forever, both mentally and physically. 

Finally, after four mostly horrible years of high school, Jisoo escaped to college. She was able to go to the university of her choice. Joohwan went with her, and Jisoo swore she'd never been happier. 

**July 19th, 1991**

"Are you ready, love?" her mom asked, straightening the veil perched on Jisoo's head.

Jisoo couldn't stop smiling. She nodded excitedly, ignoring the slight butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach. "More than I've ever been ready for anything in my life," she said, giving her mom a wink. 

"I'm so happy for you, Soo," her mom said softly, rubbing her adopted daughter's arms up and down soothingly. She was so proud of her.

"I've been waiting for this practically my whole life," Jisoo breathed, her smile getting wider than she thought was humanly possible. With a laugh, she turned to look at herself in the mirror. Her dress was gorgeous, all lace and shine. The dress flowed beautifully, with a long train and an ornate bodice that was to die for. Sure, she couldn't breathe, but it was worth it in her mind. 

In mere minutes, Jisoo was going to be marrying the love of her life. Joohwan had proposed at graduation and Jisoo had burst into tears. She had agreed happily and thrown her arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. 

Here they were, 4 months later, and they were finally getting married.

"It's time!" her mother exclaimed, patting her on on the shoulders before scurrying out the back way to find a seat. Her foster father took her arm, smiling proudly down at her. 

"Let's go," he said, and the two stepped out of the room and into the aisle. Joohwan was standing at the end, hands folded and smile on his face. Jisoo smiled back at him, gripping her bouquet tightly. 

"Hey," he whispered as she finally reached him. 

"Hi," she replied, slipping her hands into his. She gave the bouquet to her only bridesmaid and turned to face her soon-to-be husband. 

The priest started rambling on, but Jisoo had tuned most of it out, only making sure she said her vows and everything necessary. She was only focused on Joohwan, who looked ecstatic to even be standing there. 

After what felt like forever of officiating, the priest finally said it. Confidently, Jisoo had stated, "I do." She slipped the wedding band onto Joohwan's ring finger gently, holding his hand with the utmost love in her eyes. 

Joohwan did the same and Jisoo felt like her heart was beating out of her chest. They were finally married. Finally. 

Joohwan swept her into his arms, making her really feel their so-called adorable height difference. They kissed sweetly, smiles melting into the kiss. Jisoo declared that day one of the best days of her entire life, from that point on. 

**August 26th, 1999**

"Haneul! Don't go too far, sweetie!" Jisoo called, watching as her daughter scampered around in the waves. Joohwan wasn't far behind her, but Jisoo couldn't help but be a little worried. It was the ocean and it was unpredictable. 

She watched fondly as her daughter and husband played in the water, laughing as they splashed water on each other. Jisoo turned her head in surprise as a little sneeze sounded from next to her. She laughed sweetly as her two year old son rubbed his nose cutely. 

"Taekwoonie, do you need a tissue, baby?" Jisoo cooed, digging through her bag for a tissue to wipe his tiny nose with. "Here, sweetie," she said, pinching his nose so he could blow into it. 

She laughed at the sound it made. "Good job, kiddo." She put the used tissue in their bag of trash and settled back into her chair, watching Taekwoon play in the sand happily. 

Right now, Jisoo wouldn't change a thing about her life. The sun was beating down onto her skin and the sand was soft between her toes. The smell of salt in the air was blissful and sweet and one of Jisoo's favorite things. She loved the beach. 

Joohwan came jogging back towards their designated spot, water glistening on his skin and a laughing Haneul thrown over his shoulder. Jisoo cracked a smile, heart swelling at the sight. She really adored them. 

Her husband set Haneul down and she let out a screech of joy. She was 7 now and she had grown remarkably fast, faster than Jisoo had been ready for. It seemed like just yesterday that she had gotten married. 

Joohwan sat down with a tired huff on the towel next to Jisoo's chair. "She tired you out, huh?" Jisoo remarked with laugh. 

He chuckled, running a hand through his messy, wind-blown and water-logged hair. "Oh yes. She has so much energy, I can hardly keep up," he complained. Jisoo chuckled. Haneul certainly was a big ball of crazy. 

Suddenly, Jisoo's phone began to ring. She rummaged through her bag, finding the vibrating object rather quickly. An unknown number was flashing on the screen. She flipped it open and pressed the accept button. 

"Hello?"  she said. Joohwan gave her a questioning look and she just shrugged, not knowing who was on the other line. 

"Yes, hello, is this Mrs. Jung Jisoo?" 

"Yes, this is she," Jisoo replied, still slightly confused. 

"Oh thank goodness. I'm calling about your adoptive parents, Kim Mina and Kim Kwangsoo? I have some rather unfortunate news for you..." The man on the other line continued to speak.

The phone dropped from Jisoo's hand, the color draining out of her face. 

"Soo? Jisoo what's wrong?" Joohwan asked, concerned at the look on his wife's face. She was deathly pale, hands shaking and tears dripping from her eyes. 

"They're dead. Both of them are dead. My parents," Jisoo said, her face cracking. Joohwan's eyes widened in shock before he pulled Jisoo into a tight hug, holding her head against his chest as she sobbed her heart out. 

The first people that truly made her feel like she was worth something were gone forever. Jisoo's heart was broken, nearly shattered into pieces. All she had left to hang onto was Joohwan and her kids, that was all. If she didn't have them; if she, especially, did not have Joohwan; Jisoo was sure to fall apart completely. Yet another scar had been added to her pile. 

As she cried, Jisoo couldn't help but be grateful for the paramedic's words.  _"It was fast and nearly painless. They died instantly upon impact."_

 _At least they didn't suffer,_ she thought.

At least they didn't suffer. 

**April 19th, 2010**

"Jisoo, I'm sorry," he said, head bowed. 

Jisoo's lips trembled, her eyes filling with tears. "Sorry? You're sorry? After all this time you thought it would be okay to tell me now?" she cried, tone somewhat abrasive. 

Joohwan cringed at the sound of her voice, closing his eyes as her hand slapped him across the face. He winced and rubbed his cheek, trying to soothe some of the pain. "I didn't know, okay. I didn't know until him. I would have told you back then I really would have. But I had no idea that what I was feeling existed!" he shot back at her, accusatory. She couldn't pin everything on him. The world 15 years ago was so different from how it was now. 

"You're trying to tell me that you didn't know you were fucking gay 20 years ago when we got married?" Jisoo hissed, voice on the brink of cracking. 

Joohwan shook his head, annoyance seeping into his voice. "I'm bisexual, Soo. I did love you! I still do love you! Just not the way I used to, okay? People are allowed to fall out of love. I didn't ask for this to happen but it did, okay? It just did," he said, exhausted. He couldn't explain it to her, she'd never understand him. 

Jisoo was enraged. Angry tears leaked out of her eyes as she watched Joohwan pick up his suitcase full of belongings. "We have a one year old daughter and you're going to leave me now? You better not leave me with all these children, Jung Joohwan. " she threatened, knowing exactly what was going to happen. 

"I love them, Jisoo, but I never wanted children. You did. You getting pregnant wasn't part of my plan but I knew you were happy, so I didn't say anything," Joohwan commented. He knew that was a bullshit excuse, but he'd say anything to escape this house at this rate. He didn't care if they never divorced, or if she had all of child custody.  All he wanted was out. After so many years of feeling trapped and not knowing why, he finally had found the reason. He was going to take that chance. 

"Are you serious right now?" Jisoo sputtered, incredulous. She was in absolute disbelief. Her husband of almost 20 years was leaving her for a man. He was leaving her with 3 children to take care of, he was leaving her with almost nothing and leaving as if the past decades meant nothing at all. 

"I'm serious," he said. His heart hurt at his own words. He did love them, his kids. How could he not? "I'm leaving a check for 50 thousand dollars in your checking account. It's for all of you, but especially Hwayoung. I'm just trying to be happy, Jisoo."

Jisoo's heart had cracked completely now. There was nothing left, now that the person who had saved her all those years ago was abandoning her. Jisoo felt like she was falling into a black hole and there was no way for her to get out. 

"Get out, then. Leave, I never want to see your damned face again," she spat, tear tracks drying on her skin. She opened the door and pointed. With one last look, one that was rather deplorable, Joohwan took his things and got into his new boyfriend's car. They drove away and Jisoo knew that Joohwan didn't look back. Not even once. 

She broke down in tears in the foyer, her shoulders shaking with humiliation, rage, and absolute misery. Soft footsteps descended from upstairs and soft arms were suddenly encasing her. 

"I'm so sorry, Mom. It'll be ok-"

Jisoo flung the arms off and stared into the bewildered and saddened eyes of her oldest daughter. "Get away from me," she hissed. 

Haneul was shocked at her mother's actions. But she took the hint and walked back to her bedroom. 

Jisoo's heart had started to truly rot after that point. The black hole she had fallen in had started to consume her and buried her real heart, suffocated it to the point that it had no influence on her. 

Her hate for all the people that had ever hurt her, for the world that had constantly done her wrong, it had all culminated to this. The wretched person that Jung Jisoo was in the present was formed from the scars on her skin and the scars on her heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> None of the things that happened Jisoo are an excuse for what she does, they are simply what caused her to possess the mentality she currently has.


	29. Sink Your Teeth In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super sorry for the long wait! finally, here's the next chapter.

Taekwoon was so close to just giving up completely. Everything hurt and it felt like he was constantly being barraged with attacks from his left, his right, from in front and behind. He was starving. Legitimately starving. His heart felt like it had been singed to a blackened crisp, withered and weary. 

His head rested against the freezing concrete floor. Strangely, he was not cold. Maybe it was because he hadn't eaten in four days and the only thing that was keeping him alive was his meager supply of water. He raised a weak, shaky hand to his sweaty forehead, skin sticking to warmer skin. Taekwoon realized, in a daze, that he must have a fever. 

He sighed, breath rattling in his lungs. At this point, Taekwoon was holding onto the tiniest threads of hope that Jaehwan was still out there and trying to get to him. He had to hold on to that tiny sliver in his heart that believed in his boyfriend. 

Taekwoon shook his head, trying to get rid of some of his dizzying thoughts and pushed himself up from the ground. After what felt like forever, he managed to push himself into a sitting position. His eyes nearly rolled back into his skull at the disorienting sensation that flooded through his head due to the position change. He let out a weak whimper and clutched his head in pain. The pounding reduced to a dull throb of his temples after he settled down. Taekwoon was so close to breaking down completely. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

As Taekwoon sat there, listening to his mother move around upstairs, having completely forgotten about him in every way possible. He was both grateful and upset that she had pushed him out of her world. Despite everything she had done to him, she was his mother, and Taekwoon desperately wished for his mother back. He silently cursed his father in his head, berating him for turning his mom into this monster and making him suffer. 

But Taekwoon knew, even with all the pain pounding through his head, that no matter how much he berated his dad, nothing would change the way his mom was now. A tear burned its way down Taekwoon's cheek and he closed his eyes, trying to ignore everything crashing and burning around him. 

_"Taekwoon, you know that you're stronger than you think, right?"_

_Taekwoon smiled wryly, shaking his head in disagreement. "I'm not strong, Jae," he murmured as Jaehwan stroked his hair._

_The two sat on Jaehwan's couch, Taekwoon's head resting in Jaehwan's lap and Jaehwan looking down at him fondly._

_"Yes you are, silly. You've been through all this and you're still here, fighting as hard as ever. Don't you think that counts as being strong?" Jaehwan said, running a thumb over the shell of Taekwoon's ear._

_Taekwoon didn't think so. "But without you here, I surely wouldn't have lasted this long." Taekwoon honestly believed that Jaehwan was the reason for his survival thus far._

_"Taek, we've known each other for only a couple months. You've survived without me for so much longer. You're strong, you really are. I know you could be strong even without me here, too. Okay? Think about it," Jaehwan explained quietly._

_"Okay..." Taekwoon agreed reluctantly._

_"Mm, good! How about we go and find something good to eat now? I'm starved!"_

_Taekwoon let a smile slip onto his face, a giggle escaping at the cute, hungry pout on Jaehwan's face._

_"Sure, let's go," he said, getting up and grabbing Jaehwan's hand. He dragged him to the door to slip their shoes on, nearly tripping over himself. Jaehwan laughed at him and proceeded to pull his own shoes on._

_"And I thought I was the hungry one," Jaehwan snickered, unlocking the door. Taekwoon grinned and socked him on the shoulder._

_"Shut up, Jae!" he laughed, intertwining their fingers and pulling his smiling partner out the front door._

_It clicked closed quietly behind them._

As Taekwoon sat there, head and heart and body swirling in pain, he felt this memory come back to him. Jaehwan had told him he was strong, that he could be strong without him. Taekwoon hadn't believed the words his boyfriend had told him. He thought Jaehwan was keeping him grounded, keeping him here. 

Maybe, Taekwoon began to think, as he lay in this freezing cold basement, he should start listening to what Jaehwan told him. Even if Jaehwan wasn't going to come back for him, that didn't mean that he should leave himself to rot in this place. If Jaehwan thought Taekwoon was tough and strong, then Taekwoon would just have to prove it. Mostly to himself, but to Jaehwan and to his mother as well. 

 _I can do this._ He told himself, trying to push the depreciating thoughts out of the way. Limbs shaking, Taekwoon placed his forearms against the cold stone wall and pushed, trying desperately to bring himself to his feet. 

Waves of nausea rolled through him as he brought himself to his feet. Taekwoon clapped a hand over his mouth, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. 

_In and out. In and out._

Throwing up now would be disastrous. So, Taekwoon did his best to swallow down the bile that creeped up his throat at his movements. He knew he wouldn't survive another day if he emptied his stomach. 

Taekwoon grit his teeth and stood up a little straighter. 

_You've only been holding yourself back, Taekwoon. Prove it to them, prove to them that you're not weak, Taekwoon._

Beads of sweat rolled down his temples, matted red hair sticking to the sides of his face due to the moisture. Taekwoon groaned shakily, scrunching his eyes shut and stopping for a second. Even just standing up was painful. 

Once his head stopped making the room look like water swirling down a drain, Taekwoon took a step forward. He wanted to try and get out of this god-forsaken cement room, but first he'd have to find something that would help him do so. 

There was the refrigerator, but he already knew there was nothing in there. Eyes searched the room fervently, trying to remember if there was anything else of use around. With shock, Taekwoon remembered that he had never checked behind the stairs. 

_There's a closet back there, right?_

Given the fact that Taekwoon hadn't been in this basement for a very long time, having forgotten where some things were in the freezing room wasn't unexpected. However, he yelled himself for being stupid enough to not check the whole basement. In his despair, he must have let the thought of being thorough and smart leave him. 

With a frustrated sigh, Taekwoon slowly made his way over to the other side of the basement, careful to stop when his head started to hurt too badly. Taekwoon didn't have high hopes for what he would find, but he figured he might as well try. Maybe, he'd actually get lucky. 

After what felt like ages, Taekwoon made it to the other side. The shadows were darker and the light of the overhead bulb didn't reach as far into this half of the basement. Breathing hard, Taekwoon dropped to his knees and looked around, mouth hanging open in exhaustion.

His heart jumped in his chest in glee when his eyes landed on a door leading to space underneath the stairs. A closet. A closet may be his savior. With newfound determination, despite his throbbing hands, Taekwoon crawled over to the door and grasped the doorknob, wringing the wooden door open desperately.

It creaked open, revealing a couple dilapidated boxes stacked on top of each other. Taekwoon's eyes widened in hope. He immediately dragged himself over to the boxes and pulled one down from the top of the stack. His hands stung as he grabbed hold of it, still bruised and aching from his pounding on the basement door, days before. 

With bated breath, Taekwoon ripped the box open. His heart sank, because all that was in the box was some old books and CD's. Those couldn't be helpful, really. With a pained grunt, he turned and put the box behind him. He stopped for a moment to calm his spinning head. His eyes and temples throbbed with a headache. He pushed on.

_I'm strong. I'm strong._

Taking a deep, calming breath, Taekwoon grabbed the other box. It wasn't as high up so his body didn't strain as much for it. He ripped the tape off the flaps quickly, not caring if his fingers throbbed in the process. 

This box was much heavier in the first place, and when Taekwoon finally looked inside...he was not as disappointed. Two blocky, metal candle holders were thrown haphazardly in the box, along with a couple picture frames and random knickknacks. Curiously, Taekwoon pulled out the candle holders and the set them on the ground, then grabbed the picture frames. 

The one on top was of his family at the beach, years ago. Taekwoon looked only a year or two old in the picture, his cheeks still chubby and red. His big sister had her arm around his neck and her own cheek pressed to his unruly locks. Her smile was unimaginably huge. Taekwoon felt his eyes swim with tears as he looked at Haneul and his parents, who were smiling too, as they sat behind them. 

Taekwoon brought a shaky hand to his mouth, fighting the urge to sob. The next picture was even more heart-breaking. Haneul had Hwayoung in her arms, gazing down at her little sister as if she was the whole world. The sweet smile on her lips made Taekwoon's heart hurt. He missed Haneul so, so much. 

With a sad sigh, Taekwoon held the photo to his chest. He pushed the box back and pulled the last one towards himself. It was light, so Taekwoon didn't expect much. With one hand, he opened it. Inside this box was a blanket. Just one, but it was a blanket. Taekwoon thanked every god in existence and immediately wrapped around himself, only stopping briefly to put the picture frame down. 

 _Maybe this will help my fever..._ he thought.

Taekwoon gathered the picture frame and the candle holders into his arms and prepared to stand up again. His head seemed to have mostly settled down, as the world didn't immediately start spinning as he slowly got to his feet. Unfortunately, his whole head still pounded with a vengeance. 

Taekwoon slowly shuffled back to the light side of the basement, slightly numb. He approached the steep set of stairs, shivering at merely the sight.

_I can do it. I will climb up those stairs._

Taekwoon believed he could be brave for almost he first time in his life. With a deep breath, Taekwoon trekked up the stairs, his fever-addled body trying to protest. But Taekwoon didn't stop, despite the chills wracking through his body and the beads of sweat running down the sides of his face. 

He grabbed the railing just as he was finally getting to the top, pressing the objects in his arms to his chest so they wouldn't fall. Taekwoon felt rather dramatic at the show he seemed to be making at simply walking up the stairs. But it really did feel like hell to him. His phobia of them just added to the difficulty of an otherwise simple task. 

Finally, after what felt like ages but was merely minutes, Taekwoon made it to the top step. He sat down with an exhausted huff and placed the candle holders on the step as well. Taekwoon closed his eyes for a moment, letting his mind settle. He could do this. He picked up one of the candle holders again. With all the strength he could muster in his arm, Taekwoon grasped the cool metal of the candle holder and brought it down on the doorknob. 

Taekwoon hit the door over and over again, desperately trying to make a dent in the wood or knock the doorknob off. Or even, make enough noise that a neighbor or passerby could hear him. 

Taekwoon did this for what felt like hours. Until the door's white coat of paint had almost all chipped off in the area he was pounding on. Until the wood underneath had started to splinter. Until his arm felt like it was going to fall off and the bruises and scrapes on his hands burned like fire. 

Taekwoon was proud of himself for making progress. But he could feel his energy draining slowly, could feel his mind drifting. He longed to stop the mindless activity, to stop banging the hunk of metal against the wooden door. But to him, it was his only chance.

Taekwoon didn't know if he was going crazy finally, but he swore he heard shouting in the house. After hours of pounding against the thick wooden door, Taekwoon swore he heard someone yell inside of the house. 

"H-hello?" he croaked. Taekwoon could hardly even speak because of the dryness of his throat. His vocal chords felt tight even as he spoke a single word. His voice was croaky and brittle and quiet. He could barely hear himself speak. 

So instead, he went back to methodically hitting the candle holder against the door. He prayed that it wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him but that someone had actually come to save him. To get him out of this hell.

And maybe he wasn't hallucinating, because the doorknob suddenly rattled. "Is there anybody down there? Hello?" 

Taekwoon nodded furiously. "Yes, yes, I'm down here!" he croaked, voice thin and worn. He dropped the candle holder, not caring as it tumbled down the stairs. "I'm here, please open the door!" Taekwoon begged, tears dripping out of his eyes and breath rattling in his chest in desperation. He pounded his palms against the wood. "Please help me..."

"Whoever is there, stand back from the door. We're going to break it down now!" a voice shouted.

Taekwoon nodded, crying his heart out as he tried not to fall on his way down the stairs. He scrambled towards the concrete wall in front of the stairs, trying not to trip over the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He was finally going to be free. 

The basement door shuddered under the weight of something banging against it. Over and over again. Eyes teary, Taekwoon gazed up at it as the wood started to splinter and the hinges of the door threatened to break. 

Finally, the door snapped and came tumbling down the stairs, just barely avoiding him. 

"Jung Taekwoon?"

Taekwoon burst into tears, nodding furiously. "It's me, I'm here, I'm Taekwoon!" he sobbed. Finally, it was over. He was saved.

And all he had had to do was sink his teeth in and wait. 


	30. Give Me

Jaehwan sat on the couch in Seokjin's office, head in his hands. He was extremely worried and anxious. It had been a full day since he'd last seen Taekwoon and he felt like he could burst into tears any second. 

He knew he couldn't do anything just yet. He knew that they didn't have decisive evidence yet and that they couldn't get a warrant. All Jaehwan wanted was to storm into that horrible house and save his boyfriend. But he couldn't. Not yet. 

Something warm pressed against his cheek, causing Jaehwan to flinch away at the touch. Seokjin smiled down at him wryly as Jaehwan glanced up, gently taking a warm mug of coffee from his hand. "Thanks..." he mumbled quietly. 

Seokjin sat down next to him cradling his own mug between his palms. "I called your name at least three times and you didn't respond," Seokjin said, sipping quietly. He glanced at Jaehwan expectantly, but the other man just stared at the mug in his hands, eyes far away. 

"Sorry...I've just been...a little bit distracted," Jaehwan replied, taking a sip before setting the mug down on the coffee table. He thread his hands through his unruly silver locks, closing his eyes in frustration. "I'm so mad that I can't do anything for him. I want to help him so badly, I want to be there for him and for Hwayoung too."

Seokjin nodded, downing the remaining coffee in his mug with a tilt of his head. "We know. We're doing our best, Jaehwan," Seokjin said, voice comforting and soft. 

Jaehwan sighed and let his hands fall from his head. "I know, it just feels like-"

"Detective Lee?" 

Both Jaehwan and Seokjin looked towards the source of the voice. "Yes, Detective Seo?" Seokjin asked expectantly, when the newest detective of precinct shifted nervously. "I know we seem scary, but we don't bite! What's up?" Seokjin continued cheerfully, standing up in the process. 

Detective Seo's eyes landed on Jaehwan. "Um, well, Detective Han was looking for you, he said it was urgent," she explained, speaking to Jaehwan. 

"Sanghyuk?" Jaehwan asked, mostly to himself. Urgent? He and Sanghyuk weren't on the greatest terms right now, so it must be something really important. Jaehwan was still upset with Sanghyuk, just a little, but he'd have to put their personal quarrel aside for work. 

"Yes, Detective Han said to meet him in the tech room as fast as possible."

Jaehwan nodded and got to his feet quickly, dashing out of the room. "Seokjin, you too!" Jaehwan called as he ran out the door, Seokjin on his heels. 

Jaehwan jogged towards the tech room, nodding towards any of his superiors on the way. He had a niggling feeling that if Sanghyuk said it was urgent, something really, really important had come up. 

The tech room was in one of the far back rooms, shrouded in darkness and shadows, save for the faint purple-blue glow that always seeped from underneath the closed door. Jaehwan and Seokjin dashed to the back of the station and Jaehwan wrenched the door open. 

"Sanghyuk! What's the situation?" Jaehwan said as he walked in, Seokjin right behind him. Sanghyuk was standing at one of the monitors, a serious expression gracing his features. Their techie, Seolkyun, stood next to Sanghyuk, clicking away. 

"Your phone, it got a phone call a couple minutes ago from an unknown number. I picked it up and it sounded like a little girl. I thought it might be Hwayoung, so I recorded the audio as quickly as I could. I managed to get some of it. Do you want to listen? I think it might be some of the evidence we finally need to proceed in this investigation," Sanghyuk explained, arms crossed over his chest. It was something he did when he was worried. 

Jaehwan's brows crinkled together in fear. "Play it. Right now please, Seolkyun," Jaehwan asked, voice low and shaky. Seokjin stepped behind him and put his hands on Jaehwan's shoulders, squeezing in comfort. 

"It's gonna be alright, Jae," he whispered, sensing how scared Jaehwan really was. Jaehwan closed his eyes and took a breath, leaning back into his best friend. 

"Playing audio," Seolkyun stated, clicking her mouse.

_"Hello?"_

_"Jaehwa-"_

Jaehwan froze. "Pause...That's Hwayoung. That's Hwayoung," he said shakily, eyes snapping open. "Oh no, Sanghyuk..." Jaehwan shuddered in Seokjin's grip as the audio clip was restarted. 

_"Hello?" Sanghyuk asked._

_"Jaehwa-" A small voice, soft and  quiet, but clearly a little girl. It was quickly cut off._

_Then there was a muffled cry and it sounded as if the phone had fallen to the floor._

_"What do you think you're doing, brat?" An older woman's voice this time._

_"Hello? Hello, is anyone there?" Sanghyuk asked._

_There was fumbling and buttons on the phone were clicked before it was thrown to the floor again with a clatter._

Jaehwan gasped, putting a hand over his mouth. Jisoo. Seolkyun paused the recording at Sanghyuk's signal. 

"She must have thought she hung up. But she didn't. We got everything. I eventually hung up because there was nothing to hear. It was enough," Sanghyuk murmured, glancing back at a slightly trembling Jaehwan. 

"Go on, Seoulkyun."

_"Trying to call for help, huh? You think I'd let you get away with that? As if," the woman, presumably Jisoo, said._

_The phone picked up the sound of a loud slap and then a high-pitched, pained scream._

_Faintly, in the background, there was the sound of someone else screaming._

"Seolkyun, can you enhance that or filter out the...the crying? What's that voice saying in the background?" Sanghyuk asked quietly. Seolkyun nodded and began working on filtering through the unnecessary noise. She quickly isolated the sound of the voice screaming in the background.

_"Hwayoung! Hwayoung!" The voice shrieked as if it was in extreme agony._

"It's Taekwoon, that's Taekwoon!" Jaehwan cried, sinking to the floor. He was terrified of what else he was going to have to hear. Seokjin went down with him, pulling Jaehwan's back against his chest and holding the trembling detective safely in his arms. 

"Shh, Jaehwan, shh...it's going to be okay," he comforted, rubbing Jaehwan's arms up and down. 

Sanghyuk couldn't even look at his friend and coworker. He willed the tears gathering in his eyes to go away and continued to listen to the recording with his eyes closed and arms crossed. 

"Filter in the rest again after the recording ends, please," Sanghyuk asked, voice solemn. The isolated recording played on. 

_The boy was still screaming, his voice raw and strained sounding. "Let her go! Let her go!" His screams were painful and loud when isolated. The faint sound of nails scraping against wood and pounding was heard._

Jaehwan was shuddering in Seokjin's arms, sobbing now. The sound of the boy he loved screaming like that was tearing his heart apart. He could hardly bear it, tears flowing from his eyes freely.

The recording ended with Taekwoon's screams. 

Seolkyun clicked around and played the recording again, with all the original sound. It started right when the boy started screaming faintly in the background. 

_"We're going back upstairs, and you are going to shut up or there will be consequences," the woman growled, sternly and angrily. The girl's and boy's cries were ignored, and soon enough, the only sound able to be heard were the distressed cries of the boy and his pounding._

"That's enough," Sanghyuk commanded, and the only sound in the tech room was Seolkyun typing away and Jaehwan's distressed sobs. Seokjin was still trying to soothe him, to no avail. 

"Jaehwan...this and the rest of our evidence is enough to request a warrant from the court," Seokjin said, softly pushing Jaehwan's longer fringe out of his eyes. "This is our chance, Jae. We can get him out."

Jaehwan's crying slowly subsided to hiccups, but his body still shook with the effort to keep from sobbing. 

"Jaehwan." Sanghyuk said, turning to look at his friend, who was a shivering heap in Seokjin's arms. Jaehwan looked up, eyes glossy and cheeks tear-stricken. Sanghyuk's heart broke for Jaehwan.

"Let's go see Chief Kang. We'll request an arrest warrant. It may take a day or two, but this is conclusive evidence to at least bring her in for interrogation," Sanghyuk said, squatting to look at Jaehwan, whose teeth were chattering with the effort it was taking him not to burst into tears again. He nodded at Jaehwan and grasped his upper arms with both hands. "We'll put her behind bars, okay? I'm sorry for everything I did before, I was just worried about you."

Jaehwan nodded, wiping the tears from his face and taking a deep breath. "I-I know. I shouldn't have taken it out on you either. I'm sorry. Can we go request that warrant now?"

Sanghyuk nodded. "Yes, but I want you to compose yourself first. Chief still doesn't know that you've gotten personally and emotionally involved in this case. That is, if he hasn't already found out from the way you've been acting recently," Sanghyuk explained, standing up and gathering his phone and coat in his arms. He grabbed the flash-drive with the audio that Seolkyun handed to him. Sanghyuk nodded at her in thanks. Seokjin helped Jaehwan up from his position on the floor at the same time. 

"Come on, let's go." Seokjin nodded and pushed Jaehwan lightly towards the door. "Seolkyun, please track down the location of that call as well. It may be a landline so it may be easier to find, that way," Sanghyuk requested. 

The three detectives left the tech room, Sanghyuk waving to Seolkyun as he closed the door behind them. Seokjin and Jaehwan walked ahead of the younger, Seokjin's hands on Jaehwan's shoulders, safely guiding the still somewhat unsteady man. Sanghyuk was glad that soon, everything they'd been fighting for in the past couple months would be won. He prayed that the evidence they had was enough to finally make a real attempt to rescue Taekwoon and Hwayoung from the clutches of that woman. 

With all the other eyes in the precinct on them as they went, the three men made their way towards Chief Kang's office. Sanghyuk stopped the other two right before the door. "Jaehwan, since this is your case, you have to be inside too. You might have to listen to it again," Sanghyuk said, lowering his eyes to the ground so he didn't have to see his friend's expression. He offered the flash-drive to him. 

"I know. I'll try not to listen, but it'll be hard," Jaehwan murmured. His eyes flickered to the flash-drive resting in Sanghyuk's outstretched palm. Delicately, Jaehwan plucked it out of his grasp. With a deep breath, he curled his fingers around the plastic device. "Come on, J," he said, beckoning Seokjin to follow him. Jaehwan knocked on the door resolutely, confident and strong. 

Sanghyuk watched as the partners were asked to enter. The two had been handling this case for months, and now they had some of the most concrete evidence they possibly could get. All they needed was that warrant. If something horrible had happened to Taekwoon, with his and his sister's testimony, it was almost a guarantee that Jisoo would be sentenced to a couple years. With a sigh, Sanghyuk sat down in one of the chairs outside the Chief's office and laced his fingers together. Now all they had to do was wait. 

\- - -

"Come in."

Gulping, Jaehwan pushed the Chief's office door open, holding it so Seokjin could enter too. Quietly, the door clicked shut behind them. This was a decisive moment in the sibling's and their mother's fate. Jaehwan hoped to every god in existence that it would go well. 

"Detective Lee, Detective Kim, what can I do for you?" Chief Kang said, fixing the detectives with a stern, serious glare as they entered and stood in front of his desk. Jaehwan and Seokjin stood stock still. Jaehwan was both confident and terrified at the same time. He trusted their evidence, but Chief Kang was a scary and powerful man. 

"Chief Kang, we'd like to request an arrest warrant for the prime suspect of our currently running case. It's been our, as partners, longest running case yet. We believe we finally have enough conclusive evidence to make an arrest," Seokjin stated, gaze unwavering as he stared the Chief of their precinct down. 

"Hmm, let me have a look at what you've found," the Chief asked. Jaehwan stepped forward and placed the flash-drive in the Chief's waiting hand. 

"This flash-drive contains a recording of a phone call made to my personal cell phone. We believe that this recording contains audio of the victims being abused by the suspect we are looking to arrest," Jaehwan stated, maintaining his voice and keeping it from shaking. He was nervous, but also scared to even hear the recording again. 

The Chief plugged the drive into his computer and pulled up the file. He pressed play with no hesitation and the horrid audio filled the room. Jaehwan closed his eyes, wincing as he heard Hwayoung's tinny screams emitting from the speakers. His heart hurt so badly.

"This seems good enough," he started, getting out a pen and document from his desk drawer, "I will send it to a trusted judge and ask them to sign a warrant for the arrest of...?"  the Chief trailed off, pen poised above the paper. 

"Kim Jisoo. She has three children, Jung Taekwoon, Jung Hwayoung, and the deceased Jung Haneul. The Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Division hopes to arrest her on several counts of child and domestic abuse, as well as one count of manslaughter, " Jaehwan stated, lips curling in disgust at the thought of all her crimes. The desire he had to put that awful woman behind bars was large. 

"Ah...Detective Lee, thank you. However, I'm aware that you seem to have a bit of a personal stake in this," the Chief said, not looking up from his paper as he wrote. Jaehwan bit his lip, trying not to wince. He had found out after all. 

"Yes, sir."

Chief Kang put his pen down and straightened the small stack of paper in his hands. He folded it and put it in a large yellow envelope. "Then, I'd like you to not take part in the arrest itself. Detective Kim, when you plan the operation, make sure Detective Lee is placed outside of the house behind the police cars. We don't need him doing anything unnecessarily," Chief Kang stated, an air of finality in his voice as he handed the envelope to Seokjin, who bowed as he took it from the Chief's hands.

"Yes, Chief Kang. Thank you very much. I'll go drop this off at the court house right away," Seokjin replied. The two bowed and exited the office. 

As soon as Jaehwan stepped outside and the door clicked shut, his shoulders sagged with relief. All the tension he'd been holding inside melted away. All he had left inside him was hope that everything else would be able to proceed well. Seokjin dashed over to his desk and grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. 

"Sanghyuk, we got it. As soon as the warrant comes back signed, we'll go in. I'll be back soon, so can you and Jaehwan get a team together and start planning the raid?" Seokjin asked, pulling the coat over his shoulders. Sanghyuk nodded and grabbed Jaehwan's wrist, starting to lead him away from Seokjin. 

"We're on it."

Seokjin nodded, a determined fire blazing in his eyes. Jaehwan smiled gratefully at his partner as he ran out of the precinct. He let himself be guided by Sanghyuk towards a meeting room. 

 _Soon,_ Jaehwan thought. _Soon, you'll be saved, Taekwoon._

_\- - -_

"I got it! The warrant is here!" Seokjin came tearing into the precinct, startling Jaehwan who had his head resting on the cool surface of his desk. He flinched and raised his head, eyes catching sight of an out of breath Seokjin rushing towards them. 

Jaehwan stood up quickly, heart pounding. They finally got it. It took them a day and a half but the warrant was finally signed. They would be moving forward with the plan soon. Jaehwan's heart almost sank when he realized he wouldn't be able to storm the house with the other officers, but at least he was allowed to be there in the first place. 

"Everyone, we're leaving now!" Sanghyuk shouted, alerting the others on the team. Jaehwan rushed to get his gear, just to be safe, throwing a bulletproof vest over his head and tightening the straps diligently. He double-checked that his gun was loaded and securely in his holster. He threw a leather jacket on and rushed out to get in the car with Seokjin and Sanghyuk. 

When he got in and slammed the door shut, Seokjin and Sanghyuk were already inside, waiting for him. "Are you ready, Jae?" Seokjin asked, putting the car into drive. 

Jaehwan nodded, breathing in and out deeply. "More ready than I'll ever be," he replied, placing a hand on his chest. "Promise me one thing, Seokjin, Sanghyuk." Jaehwan turned so he could look at Sanghyuk too, who was in the back seat, already ready to jump out.

"What is it?" Sanghyuk asked, adjusting the walkie-talkie on his vest. Jaehwan knew he could trust Sanghyuk with this, but he gulped anyways, a little bit nervous that Sanghyuk wouldn't accept. 

"Sanghyuk, can you be the first one he sees when you guys get him out? From wherever he's trapped?" Jaehwan asked quietly, not meeting Sanghyuk's eyes. "It's just...I know Taekwoon trusts you and the other guys more than he lets on. If you're the first one he sees after all he's been through...I'd feel a lot bet-"

"Of course."

Jaehwan looked up in surprise, shocked at Sanghyuk's lack of reluctance. "Really?" he asked, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes in gratefulness. "Thank you, Sanghyuk. Really, thank you."

Sanghyuk shook his head and smiled. "It's nothing. I want him to be okay too. Otherwise, I wouldn't have helped with all of this, you know?" Sanghyuk didn't care anymore. All he wanted was for his friends to stop suffering and for this long, long case to be over.

Jaehwan gave him a bright smile, and although it didn't reach his eyes completely, Sanghyuk understood how grateful and thankful Jaehwan truly was. To him and to Seokjin.

They were quickly approaching the house where Taekwoon and Hwayoung were being held captive. The sirens on the cars were turned off so that they didn't automatically alert Jisoo to police presence. It was always possible that she'd do something rash and their chance would be lost. 

"Are you guys ready?" Seokjin said into his walkie-talkie, holding the button down as he spoke. A garble of yes's from the different units sounded over the scanner. "Remember the plan. Go in with force solely if the suspect refuses to surrender."

Finally, all the cars pulled up in front of the house, effectively surrounding the area. Eyes set with hope and confidence, Jaehwan got out of the car and stood behind it, waiting. 

This was the moment he'd been waiting for: the moment it would all be over. 

\- - - 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn, i wonder how many of u guessed my slightly lack-luster plot twist ksjgkahd  
> please let me know if u enjoyed this chapter. comments really make my day


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